girl germs
sometimes i stop to contemplate whether or not it's enough to be a part of a largely feminist lesbian subculture... i sit, i stare off and think... am i just another statistic... a caricature of hundreds of young white girls who found grrrl punk and graffitti and thought "hey, everyone is fucking blind." and am i uptight? because other people aren't bothered by the same ridiculous institutional repercussions of patriarchy? and i know that i'm not. i know that it's easier to sneer at a girl who uses the word 'patriarchy' then to take a second to think about how it is pervasively practiced.
and then sometimes i feel sheltered. because all my friends are queer. or because i have more fun with my queer friends. and then i wonder... do non-radical people feel weird around me? should i accomodate them? but mostly, am i sheltered? i just don't see the perks of everyday living in this devilishly skewed strange international makeup. i don't know. every day i feel less and less original when i see people that look like me. i kind of like what's going on with the avengers and the dyke march committee, though. because the age group is more diverse and so is the racial makeup. i feel like i'm gonna be a good organizer. this makes me happy. it also boosts my confidence that marisa is worried about me destroying myself because of all my pent up potential that i fail to see overwhelmingly. i think i'm going to take all of my frustrations and put them into artwork. bust out my sewing machine, paint, and sharpies.
and also, am i supposed to be stimulated by heterosexual shows of affection on tv and in movies? because mostly i'm either bored or slightly disgusted. i don't know... i feel like i can be compelled by movies about lesbians because it makes me feel warm inside, not always in a sexual way, but in a "awwww that's so cute" way, when girls kiss each other. I rarely feel uncomfortable watching sex scenes in movies with women [unless with a family member, that is] because it just seems right to me. this is no revelation for a lesbian, it just is something i feel i need to make clear with myself. i find myself thinking all the movies i love like 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' would've been so much better had jim carrey been any female. too many lesbian movies too end tragically... i mean 'high art' is one of my favorites not only because of ally sheedy and rhada mitchell and the subplot of photography, but why must someone always die or be put in jail or be deported? hah. and am i supposed to feel bad that i like movies that include women cheating on their boyfriends/husbands with other women? this is one of those things i've always felt that i should feel bad about, but don't. i've never really found an answer to that question either. i also wonder if i should feel bad about laughing whenever the guy finds out about what his girlfriend/wife has been doing... like i just laughed in 'high art' because he was all "are you planning on fucking her?" and she was like "i don't know." and then he got all pouty. anyway, that was completely inarticulate, but it mildly expressed my sentiments.
i guess i shouldn't have to apologize for anything.
also many presumptuous individuals like to assume that because i am a radical feminist with varying views on the demoralization of women, that i am anti-sex or prudish. this is just not true. i am actually quite pro-sex. i mean, i'm a taurean, how could i NOT be pro-sex? I'll leave it at that. I'm a taurean lesbian feminist who [really] likes sex.
and then sometimes i feel sheltered. because all my friends are queer. or because i have more fun with my queer friends. and then i wonder... do non-radical people feel weird around me? should i accomodate them? but mostly, am i sheltered? i just don't see the perks of everyday living in this devilishly skewed strange international makeup. i don't know. every day i feel less and less original when i see people that look like me. i kind of like what's going on with the avengers and the dyke march committee, though. because the age group is more diverse and so is the racial makeup. i feel like i'm gonna be a good organizer. this makes me happy. it also boosts my confidence that marisa is worried about me destroying myself because of all my pent up potential that i fail to see overwhelmingly. i think i'm going to take all of my frustrations and put them into artwork. bust out my sewing machine, paint, and sharpies.
and also, am i supposed to be stimulated by heterosexual shows of affection on tv and in movies? because mostly i'm either bored or slightly disgusted. i don't know... i feel like i can be compelled by movies about lesbians because it makes me feel warm inside, not always in a sexual way, but in a "awwww that's so cute" way, when girls kiss each other. I rarely feel uncomfortable watching sex scenes in movies with women [unless with a family member, that is] because it just seems right to me. this is no revelation for a lesbian, it just is something i feel i need to make clear with myself. i find myself thinking all the movies i love like 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' would've been so much better had jim carrey been any female. too many lesbian movies too end tragically... i mean 'high art' is one of my favorites not only because of ally sheedy and rhada mitchell and the subplot of photography, but why must someone always die or be put in jail or be deported? hah. and am i supposed to feel bad that i like movies that include women cheating on their boyfriends/husbands with other women? this is one of those things i've always felt that i should feel bad about, but don't. i've never really found an answer to that question either. i also wonder if i should feel bad about laughing whenever the guy finds out about what his girlfriend/wife has been doing... like i just laughed in 'high art' because he was all "are you planning on fucking her?" and she was like "i don't know." and then he got all pouty. anyway, that was completely inarticulate, but it mildly expressed my sentiments.
i guess i shouldn't have to apologize for anything.
also many presumptuous individuals like to assume that because i am a radical feminist with varying views on the demoralization of women, that i am anti-sex or prudish. this is just not true. i am actually quite pro-sex. i mean, i'm a taurean, how could i NOT be pro-sex? I'll leave it at that. I'm a taurean lesbian feminist who [really] likes sex.