Jan 08, 2007 00:49
Hello again all. IT's been forever...yet again. The holidays went well. Lots of family and such:) Got to see a lot of friends too so that was nice. IT's just been a quiet holiday season I guess you could say, not a bad thing I guess.
I started a new job, which is really exicitng! I'm the boys' varisty diving coach at Holly high school! They called me up and asked if I wanted a job:) It's been going well so far, I love it. I have 7 guys (kind of a lot) and most of them are new too. It's challenging to say the least, but keeps me on my toes!
However, a few days ago we got some horrible news. My grandma, who lives in North Carolina, was hospitalized and the doctors didn't think she was going to make it much longer. Although she has some health problems, the news was rather unexpected, so we drove down to North Carolina Thursday night and got there about 430 am on Friday. We went to the hospital and she was doing much better. She was conscious and they were able to take her breathing tube out. She has to have oxygen at all times because she is so weak and her lungs are shot basically. They also had found a mass on her lung, but the CT scan came back clean! I think prayer and family helped with our miracle:) We had about 15 relatives down there from 3 states. Unfortunate that the fam comes together for occasions such as this, but the trip home was much better than the trip down there. So my grandma is going to be okay. She's going to come back to Michigan for a few weeks to rest with my Aunt. Unfortunate that my grandpa can't take care of her due to his schedule. Which does not make me happy. but I won't go there right now, I'm just happy that my grandma is going to be alright. Got home late SAturday night.
So I was in a car for 24 hours in three days. Needless to say , I've been doing a lot of thinking and don't know how to categorize it all, so it's about to come out in a confusing mess ;)
I'm not complaining about life, I realize that my life is a hell of a lot better than most other peoples, but I dont' want life to be "alright" or "fine". I want it to be amazing and wonderful. And, right now, it's not. As you know...I hate money. I hate it with a passion. I have heard wayyyy too much about it in the last few days. But then again you look at what you want your life to be like in the furture, and you have to have it. I want to experience the world and all it has to offer. And yes, this requires money. I wish it was true that all you had to do in life was work hard and earn the money. But this isn't the case. If it were, half the people who have money right now would be broke. Just because you are the hardest worker or the best at something does not mean you make the most money or are the most respected...which, in some cases, is sad. I hate the fact that my dad is stressed out ALL the time. I know he just wants his family to have a good life, but I feel like he's missing out sometimes. And yes, I konw I am part of the reason he works all the time too, which just kind of makes me feel like crap. I wish he didn't have to work, he's supposed to be retired. He's busier now than he ever was. But then again you think of the lifestyle you want to live, gotta have money.
Which leads me to the question...how do you life your life? Are you a realist, optimist, or pessimist? I think you have to be a realist and optimist, and I think I am both of those. But sometimes you just question thigns. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to five or ten years down the road and see where my life is. I know that would be taking all the fun out of life, and I don't want to do that, nor do I want to just rush though life, but it'd be nice to see where I'm headed.
So do you have to find happiness, or do you let it find you? Hmmmm I think, or wish, it would find me, but I think you need to work at it as well. I believe in fate and that someone else has a plan for me, but I also believe that you need to work and make choices along the way ya know?
And ya know, I wouldn't mind finding a Prince Charming or McDreamy either. I guess after being in love, you start it miss it when it's not there. It's not really a feeling you can describe, just that something is missing. Yes life is wonderful, but it's even better when you have that someone to share it with. I just need to find someone who wants to share it with me. And ya know what else...how do you know who is the 'right' one anyways? These are great lyrics:
There are certain people / you just keep coming back to / she is right in front of you / you being to wonder / could you find a better one / compared to her now she’s in question / and all at once / the crowd begins to sing / sometimes the hardest thing / and the right thing are the same / maybe you want her / maybe you need her / maybe you started to compare / to someone not there. -“All at Once” The Fray
So what if there is someone who would be prefect for you (or so you think)? And you don't want to be with them. Or maybe you're waiting for something better to come along? Or what if you're wondering what it would be like to be with him, and then all of a sudden, he's already taken. So you didn't feel too much of anything before, but now you have a little twinge of pain on your heart. How's that supposed to work and is that little twinge jealousy? Or what is that?
Orrrr what if you know this guy that is interested in you and he has all the traits you admire. Yet, you don't want to be with him? Then you shouldn't be with him if you don't want to be right? Or do you go ahead and give it a shot?
Or what if someone thinks the world of you. You know that he'd be a good guy to be with too. But there are some things that you are uncertain of in him. What do you do then?
Or what if you want something/one you cannot have for reasons that may or may not be obvious. What if your timing is just off? waht if you would have meet this guy sooner or later. That in itself could have a million possbilites as I have already found out and probably will again.
There are so many guys in the world. I shouldn't have to settle right? But when do I learn to give it a chance?
There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in- “Let Love In” Goo Goo Dolls
There might be great guys out there...amazing guys that other girls would kill to be with. And they might be knocking at my door, but maybe he's not "the one". So then how do you decide who that "one" is? Hmmm...and there are a lot of guys out there. But where are they?! And how do you find them lol. And if someone is on your mind...does that mean they are supposed to be there? Or should you just brush it off?
I miss a lot of things. Simple things. I would love to do the simple things that just put gravy on life. It's nice to be told you're beautiful, or to get suprise flowers. It's nice to just watch the snow fall on the ground while you're wrapped in a blanket on the couch. It's nice when someone can tell you've been having a bad day just by your voice on the phone and show up at the door with your favorite meal and a carton of ice cream ready to spend the night with you. It's just nice.
Now I sound like my life is a shithole. No, in no way is it that. I guess it's just lonely sometimes. You can be lonely in a crowded room too.
And if you know you did something wrong...fess up to it..don't avoid it right? Communication is key. And can something be the best and hardest thing for you? Yes, I think it can, so you better decided what's best for you before you make a mistake in my opinion.
Do you think it's right to change your dreams for someone? Dreams are something that you will always have or have always had. But if and when you find someone you are completely in love with, do you think you should shut out opportunites that would be your dreams for the ones you love? That is an extremely hard question I think, and maybe someday I'll have to do that. But if you shut the door on an opportunity to your dreams for someone you love...I think that is an overpowering emotion.
But I believe that I am a good girl. I believe that someone out there wants someone like me. I think I'm a good girlfriend and could make a great wife. And no, I'm not being cocky, I'm being confident. So good things happen to good people. I'm a good person. Let's see where this life will take me...
Like I said...these are a lot of random thoughts coming out in no particular order.