Saving the world, one trailer at a time...
Where to start...
I'm really glad that I still have this journal. I hate Myspace blogging. This is so much better. Plus, I don't want everyone there reading the more personal stuff I have to say.
I feel as if I'm being pulled into a million different directions. What my head says, what my heart says, what everyone else says. Granted, my opinion is the only one I really give 2 shits about, but regardless, it really makes me think a lot about things. I really wish I understood why people do the things they do. Why people are so heartless. How can this world be so unkind? Honestly, it baffles me.
I really, really, really, am done as far as dating goes. I quit. I have a feeling that when that right person comes along, there will be this instant, mutual, undeniable connection. No questions asked. No questions needed. No questioning period.
As much as I hate to admit it, everything that happened with Chris really pisses me off. It wasn't serious, but there were feelings involved, and he just chucked them aside like garbage. I knew before it even happened that it was going to, so I backed away, told him there was no point in continuing. And without any hesitation whatsoever, he completely agreed. A person can feel when they're cared for, when they're appreciated, when they're... whatever. It wasn't there, and I knew it. He said he needed time, and I gave him plenty. It wasn't time he needed, it was someone else. That's all fine and dandy, I can totally live with that, and I agree whole-heartedly. In fact, I'm the one that brought it to light. But what hurts is how he can just so easily forget about me, and whatever we had. He tossed it aside, and before I even left the picture he was salivating over fresh meat. To each his own, I suppose. I just need to figure out how to close this chapter with a little bit of dignity... a little bit of sanity... a little less 'fuck you buddy'.
And don't even get me started with chicks. Women are just as bad, if not worse than men. It seems like whenever I really like a girl, it's over before it even begins. Girls are heartless, guys are dicks, WHY EVEN BOTHER?!
It's not like I even have time for dating anyway. When I'm not working, I'm at school. When I'm not doing those two things I'm eating, sleeping, bathing, or doing homework. There is zero time for anything else. So, I guess I really doesn't even matter. Doesn't mean I'll stop thinking about it tho. When it's right I'll know, I'll just keep telling myself that.
I really need to stop worrying so much.
School has really become this bright spot in my life. I feel so at ease when I'm there. The atmosphere, the people, the feeling of actually getting somewhere in life. And having Keebler there really makes it that much better. At first it was very awkward. We dated a bit around Christmastime, and it went nowhere. There was a good connection, but something didn't click. We just kind of drifted. Now we sit together every Monday and Wednesday during our between class time and study and shoot the shit. It's really great, and I'm really happy to have regained a friend, if nothing more.
Have I mentioned how HOT my lab partner is? And that he picked ME? Ah, but he's married and he's totally this great, wonderful, devoted husband. So I guess I'll be good and try to refrain myself from throwing him down on the lab table and having my way with him. I'll try, but I can't make any promises. :)
So to sum things up...
I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing, or who I'm doing it with. But my only option is to keep on moving. Maybe someday it'll all work itself out. Maybe not.
The world may never know.
I'm really glad that I still have this journal. I hate Myspace blogging. This is so much better. Plus, I don't want everyone there reading the more personal stuff I have to say.
I feel as if I'm being pulled into a million different directions. What my head says, what my heart says, what everyone else says. Granted, my opinion is the only one I really give 2 shits about, but regardless, it really makes me think a lot about things. I really wish I understood why people do the things they do. Why people are so heartless. How can this world be so unkind? Honestly, it baffles me.
I really, really, really, am done as far as dating goes. I quit. I have a feeling that when that right person comes along, there will be this instant, mutual, undeniable connection. No questions asked. No questions needed. No questioning period.
As much as I hate to admit it, everything that happened with Chris really pisses me off. It wasn't serious, but there were feelings involved, and he just chucked them aside like garbage. I knew before it even happened that it was going to, so I backed away, told him there was no point in continuing. And without any hesitation whatsoever, he completely agreed. A person can feel when they're cared for, when they're appreciated, when they're... whatever. It wasn't there, and I knew it. He said he needed time, and I gave him plenty. It wasn't time he needed, it was someone else. That's all fine and dandy, I can totally live with that, and I agree whole-heartedly. In fact, I'm the one that brought it to light. But what hurts is how he can just so easily forget about me, and whatever we had. He tossed it aside, and before I even left the picture he was salivating over fresh meat. To each his own, I suppose. I just need to figure out how to close this chapter with a little bit of dignity... a little bit of sanity... a little less 'fuck you buddy'.
And don't even get me started with chicks. Women are just as bad, if not worse than men. It seems like whenever I really like a girl, it's over before it even begins. Girls are heartless, guys are dicks, WHY EVEN BOTHER?!
It's not like I even have time for dating anyway. When I'm not working, I'm at school. When I'm not doing those two things I'm eating, sleeping, bathing, or doing homework. There is zero time for anything else. So, I guess I really doesn't even matter. Doesn't mean I'll stop thinking about it tho. When it's right I'll know, I'll just keep telling myself that.
I really need to stop worrying so much.
School has really become this bright spot in my life. I feel so at ease when I'm there. The atmosphere, the people, the feeling of actually getting somewhere in life. And having Keebler there really makes it that much better. At first it was very awkward. We dated a bit around Christmastime, and it went nowhere. There was a good connection, but something didn't click. We just kind of drifted. Now we sit together every Monday and Wednesday during our between class time and study and shoot the shit. It's really great, and I'm really happy to have regained a friend, if nothing more.
Have I mentioned how HOT my lab partner is? And that he picked ME? Ah, but he's married and he's totally this great, wonderful, devoted husband. So I guess I'll be good and try to refrain myself from throwing him down on the lab table and having my way with him. I'll try, but I can't make any promises. :)
So to sum things up...
I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing, or who I'm doing it with. But my only option is to keep on moving. Maybe someday it'll all work itself out. Maybe not.
The world may never know.