(no subject)
last night, i called ashley's phone and i left an honest message telling her how i really feel.
i told her how much i missed her. and i told her something i haven't said in over a month, i told her that i still loved her so much. and that i miss her more everyday.
i told her that i miss her more everyday, and that things in my life are fine...except for her. missing her gets worse everyday, not better. i told her i can survive without her but my life won't be 1/4 as good. i poured my heart out and told her so much. i would have told her more but the message cut me off.
she hasn't called me back still. i tried to call her twice today. the first time, no answer. the second time it said her phone was cut off.
i don't know. i just don't understand...all these people tell me how great i am, and how they would like a boyfriend like me, etc...but the one person i truly care about doesn't seem to feel that way.
i just...feel broken. on the love/emotional side of things, i feel completely broken, and without a heart. i don't even cry anymore. i just feel empty. everything else is moving along fine but i feel like i have less of a reason to do things. i miss looking in her eyes and knowing that i can be there for her.
yet i still love her more everyday. if i could do something to change anything bad that has happened with us i would. if i could have her back and have one more chance...i'd just, do anything for that. or even to just talk again like we used to. and be able to see her and hold her.
it really does burn inside. i just want to feel her skin again or smell her hair. i want to look into her grey eyes and see myself in them and for her to see herself in mine. i want to just lay in bed with her and spend the day doing that. i miss everything about her. her voice, her shape, her facial expressions. the way her hair sticks out everywhere. i miss her calling me baby. i miss her nose.
i miss watching azure ray play while we held each other. i miss last july fourth. i miss the car ride to cleveland, her telling me about everything on the way. i miss all of this so much. i miss her so much, and honestly i will never feel quite this way about someone ever again. it's never going to be so real and pure. i just know, it never will be. she was who i wanted to love. she was who i loved, and still love. i'd do anything to see her one more time. i'd trade every single day of life i have left in to spend one hour at her side.
i've been trying to stay away from writing things like this but today i can't help it. i just miss her so much today.
i told her how much i missed her. and i told her something i haven't said in over a month, i told her that i still loved her so much. and that i miss her more everyday.
i told her that i miss her more everyday, and that things in my life are fine...except for her. missing her gets worse everyday, not better. i told her i can survive without her but my life won't be 1/4 as good. i poured my heart out and told her so much. i would have told her more but the message cut me off.
she hasn't called me back still. i tried to call her twice today. the first time, no answer. the second time it said her phone was cut off.
i don't know. i just don't understand...all these people tell me how great i am, and how they would like a boyfriend like me, etc...but the one person i truly care about doesn't seem to feel that way.
i just...feel broken. on the love/emotional side of things, i feel completely broken, and without a heart. i don't even cry anymore. i just feel empty. everything else is moving along fine but i feel like i have less of a reason to do things. i miss looking in her eyes and knowing that i can be there for her.
yet i still love her more everyday. if i could do something to change anything bad that has happened with us i would. if i could have her back and have one more chance...i'd just, do anything for that. or even to just talk again like we used to. and be able to see her and hold her.
it really does burn inside. i just want to feel her skin again or smell her hair. i want to look into her grey eyes and see myself in them and for her to see herself in mine. i want to just lay in bed with her and spend the day doing that. i miss everything about her. her voice, her shape, her facial expressions. the way her hair sticks out everywhere. i miss her calling me baby. i miss her nose.
i miss watching azure ray play while we held each other. i miss last july fourth. i miss the car ride to cleveland, her telling me about everything on the way. i miss all of this so much. i miss her so much, and honestly i will never feel quite this way about someone ever again. it's never going to be so real and pure. i just know, it never will be. she was who i wanted to love. she was who i loved, and still love. i'd do anything to see her one more time. i'd trade every single day of life i have left in to spend one hour at her side.
i've been trying to stay away from writing things like this but today i can't help it. i just miss her so much today.