(no subject)
You ever think that sometimes mornings come too soon? And you dont want to go to bed because you know it's going to be different when you wake up? Weird feeling. It's like eating a really good apple and you dont want to finish this apple because then it's all gone. What a gay analogy. Yeuh.
I realize it when you look at me, and how my stomach jumps. When you hold me, and my whole body is overcame with this complete warm sensation. When we're tangled underneath the sheets breathing heavy. When we just lay together and I know you're next to me. I notice it when you smile, and I cant help but smile too. When we kiss and I want to laugh so bad from joy yet cry all at the same time. The way I can tell you want to say something to me, but cant. I can see it when you tickle me, or laugh, or trip over my chair because you're not that talented at walking. Or when you make fun of me for doing the things I do. ... You see, I love you, it's that simple. There is nothing confusing about the truth as long as it is honest. And it's not the love thing that frightens me. It's the going away thing that does. ...I know that everything has an end, but I also know that no one ever knows when that ending occurs. Suppose if we knew when it did, would it be easier? Not a chance. Once you love someone, you dont want to let them go. I guess sometimes you're forced to, and it is the right move. I know you're with her, and that you have feelings for both of us. But when you say you love me, I want to badly to believe it, yet I can not. I cant believe one thing while you do another. This does not make me angry, nor does it hurt me. Like I said a million times, I've dealt with what happened, and I'm over all the drama. I dont think there is anything in this world that would ever compell me to erase the moments I've spent with you. I do not regret meeting you, or falling in love, or anything else that we did. I'm a firm believer in the whole everything happens for a reason deal, even though about 90% of the things that have happened I have no idea why, but that's the thing. ... You never know why. I dont know why we met, i dont know why i fell in love, I dont know why everything happened at the wrong time. But it's okay. It does not matter... And another thing, there is more of a reason as to why I forgave you. You had feelings for someone other than me, and I did too. I know they werent as strong, and really lead me nowhere, but that wasnt the point. I can not make someone feel guilty for an accident when I was doing the same, of course yours was more of a higher degree, yet, in the same ballpark. I know this really makes no sense, but there is a point to it. .... I realize it when you look at me, when you hold me, when we're tangled up in sheets, when we lay together, when you smile, when we kiss, when you want to say something to me yet hold back, when you tickle me or laugh or trip over my chair, and when you make fun of me for doing the things I do....You see, I love you, it's that simple. There is nothing confusing about the truth as long as you're honest. And honestly...we are not meant to be. Maybe in a different time, when we both can figure things out. But right here, and right now, we do not belong with eachother. Of course, my heart is yours, and you can keep it because it does feel safe with you. And you deserve it. And I am always going to be here, no matter what. I dont want to be out of your life, I want to be apart of it, I just dont want to asfixiate on things that are not possible at the time. I hope you read this, and that you understand what you need to. I care about you, and that feeling is going nowhere. But neither are we.
It is long. But, thats the way I am
I realize it when you look at me, and how my stomach jumps. When you hold me, and my whole body is overcame with this complete warm sensation. When we're tangled underneath the sheets breathing heavy. When we just lay together and I know you're next to me. I notice it when you smile, and I cant help but smile too. When we kiss and I want to laugh so bad from joy yet cry all at the same time. The way I can tell you want to say something to me, but cant. I can see it when you tickle me, or laugh, or trip over my chair because you're not that talented at walking. Or when you make fun of me for doing the things I do. ... You see, I love you, it's that simple. There is nothing confusing about the truth as long as it is honest. And it's not the love thing that frightens me. It's the going away thing that does. ...I know that everything has an end, but I also know that no one ever knows when that ending occurs. Suppose if we knew when it did, would it be easier? Not a chance. Once you love someone, you dont want to let them go. I guess sometimes you're forced to, and it is the right move. I know you're with her, and that you have feelings for both of us. But when you say you love me, I want to badly to believe it, yet I can not. I cant believe one thing while you do another. This does not make me angry, nor does it hurt me. Like I said a million times, I've dealt with what happened, and I'm over all the drama. I dont think there is anything in this world that would ever compell me to erase the moments I've spent with you. I do not regret meeting you, or falling in love, or anything else that we did. I'm a firm believer in the whole everything happens for a reason deal, even though about 90% of the things that have happened I have no idea why, but that's the thing. ... You never know why. I dont know why we met, i dont know why i fell in love, I dont know why everything happened at the wrong time. But it's okay. It does not matter... And another thing, there is more of a reason as to why I forgave you. You had feelings for someone other than me, and I did too. I know they werent as strong, and really lead me nowhere, but that wasnt the point. I can not make someone feel guilty for an accident when I was doing the same, of course yours was more of a higher degree, yet, in the same ballpark. I know this really makes no sense, but there is a point to it. .... I realize it when you look at me, when you hold me, when we're tangled up in sheets, when we lay together, when you smile, when we kiss, when you want to say something to me yet hold back, when you tickle me or laugh or trip over my chair, and when you make fun of me for doing the things I do....You see, I love you, it's that simple. There is nothing confusing about the truth as long as you're honest. And honestly...we are not meant to be. Maybe in a different time, when we both can figure things out. But right here, and right now, we do not belong with eachother. Of course, my heart is yours, and you can keep it because it does feel safe with you. And you deserve it. And I am always going to be here, no matter what. I dont want to be out of your life, I want to be apart of it, I just dont want to asfixiate on things that are not possible at the time. I hope you read this, and that you understand what you need to. I care about you, and that feeling is going nowhere. But neither are we.
It is long. But, thats the way I am