you dont ever get over your first love
I stayed home from school today because I felt sick, I still feel ew in my stomach but I'll be alright I guess.
I still have no idea what's going on this weekend, but I dont really care much anymore. I feel so emo about everything that it's pathetic. For some reason I really want to get in contact with Mason, but I know that is impossible. It's weird you know...I know you never stop loving the first person that you fall in love with, and I know that sometimes they just pop in your head for no reason at all, and I get that there are days where you just miss them so bad. But no one knows why. I think I just ... I miss knowing that there is someone out there who really cares about you. Who wakes up with you on their mind, and goes to sleep with you in their dreams. They give you this sense of completion, and knowing that he loves you...really loves you,...it means more than anything else. And he was mine you know? He was really mine, and only mine. After you lose that feeling, I guess it makes sense as to why you can never let that go. I havent spoke to him in...months. I guess it's sad how there are still a million things that remind me of him. And I want so badly to have those feelings back, but I'm not saying that I also want him back. I know things could never work. Letting him back into my heart is like setting myself up to get hurt again, and again, and again.
I was talking to Jordan last night.....[conversaton]
do you still even want to be with him?
I want him to be happy
Not what I asked
I know...I....
I thought so Lex. For once I guess your heart and head agree huh?
Yeah I guess sometimes reality hits you when you least expect it
happens
*****silence******
Hey Lex?
Yeah?
I love you
I love you too.
Jordan. hm. Such a perfect boy. The girl he snags for life is going to be so damn lucky. He really is everything someone would want. I still wonder about him too, if he was here again, if things hadnt went down as they did...you know. but. He's my best friend, and nothing changes that.
I still have no idea what's going on this weekend, but I dont really care much anymore. I feel so emo about everything that it's pathetic. For some reason I really want to get in contact with Mason, but I know that is impossible. It's weird you know...I know you never stop loving the first person that you fall in love with, and I know that sometimes they just pop in your head for no reason at all, and I get that there are days where you just miss them so bad. But no one knows why. I think I just ... I miss knowing that there is someone out there who really cares about you. Who wakes up with you on their mind, and goes to sleep with you in their dreams. They give you this sense of completion, and knowing that he loves you...really loves you,...it means more than anything else. And he was mine you know? He was really mine, and only mine. After you lose that feeling, I guess it makes sense as to why you can never let that go. I havent spoke to him in...months. I guess it's sad how there are still a million things that remind me of him. And I want so badly to have those feelings back, but I'm not saying that I also want him back. I know things could never work. Letting him back into my heart is like setting myself up to get hurt again, and again, and again.
I was talking to Jordan last night.....[conversaton]
do you still even want to be with him?
I want him to be happy
Not what I asked
I know...I....
I thought so Lex. For once I guess your heart and head agree huh?
Yeah I guess sometimes reality hits you when you least expect it
happens
*****silence******
Hey Lex?
Yeah?
I love you
I love you too.
Jordan. hm. Such a perfect boy. The girl he snags for life is going to be so damn lucky. He really is everything someone would want. I still wonder about him too, if he was here again, if things hadnt went down as they did...you know. but. He's my best friend, and nothing changes that.