(no subject)
Mr. Holland. How I miss him. It's weird...he lives in England and yet, he means to more to me than alot of people. Maybe that's sort of a sad thing, but it's true. Even before him, England was the one place I wanted to run away to, and now I guess I have someone to run to, and a couch to sleep on. He really is an amazing person, and he wont ever know what he's done for me.
I realized alot of the people will never know how wonderful they are, and how much I owe them. I was never good with expressing feels to other people, usually i write them down and thow them away. Since I can remember I was a closed person, and that has really been a weakness of mine. I dont let people in because I'm afraid they're going to rob me of something, and unfortunity, my fear has been proven a few times. Yet that should not stop me from anything....... Matt and I are nothing, and I guess we've been nothing for awhile now. I think things kept happening because I did not want to be alone, but now i realize I have to be. I could never tell him how i felt about him, but now that it is a part of my past I guess i have no reason to. I do miss him, which is ironic because he's always here. I just think it's two different people and both of them are actually gone. I guess things have stopped between us, which is probably for the best. Atleast we're still friends, and that's great.
As for Nick. We're nothing either, and we never were, and never will be. After i found out about Amanda I wondered how someone who seemed to amazingly great could be such a moronic asshole. I wondered why I gave him a chance and what I ever saw in him. I know both answers now. And I wont say that it was a mistake, but we do all make mistakes. I just wish the story didnt end this way I guess. But sometimes you have to give up on things, because holding on and believing...well,...it isnt a good thing.