(no subject)
I downloaded "the light and the glass" by coheed and cambria. i almost forgot how much that song reminded me of mason. .... i hate how time moves.
i feel like throwing up. i couldnt breathe today, and my inhaler did nothing to help. The nurse listened to my lungs and shook her head. I have an appointment on Tuesday. I dont know what good it will do, he cant prevent death.
then i started thinking about love. and the whole nick situation, along with everyone elses situation. see, i love him, and it doesnt bug me that he doesnt feel the same. he's with amanda, that bugs me, but, i cant do anything about that except kill her and i dont know where she lives. but see, i'm not giving up on him persay, i'm just not trying anymore. i want him in my life, whatever way I can get him. but this is as close as i am going to get, and maybe in time the love can fade and die..... i miss jordan and all them, and i mean I really miss them. but i miss jake the most. i try to not think about him, i try to not blame myself. but that does not work. i just wish he was still here. i think that is the only thing that i believe had no reason to happen. suicide is so lame. it takes them say..6seconds to die. takes us our lifetime to forget.
sometimes i just need someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, even when it isnt.
i feel like throwing up. i couldnt breathe today, and my inhaler did nothing to help. The nurse listened to my lungs and shook her head. I have an appointment on Tuesday. I dont know what good it will do, he cant prevent death.
then i started thinking about love. and the whole nick situation, along with everyone elses situation. see, i love him, and it doesnt bug me that he doesnt feel the same. he's with amanda, that bugs me, but, i cant do anything about that except kill her and i dont know where she lives. but see, i'm not giving up on him persay, i'm just not trying anymore. i want him in my life, whatever way I can get him. but this is as close as i am going to get, and maybe in time the love can fade and die..... i miss jordan and all them, and i mean I really miss them. but i miss jake the most. i try to not think about him, i try to not blame myself. but that does not work. i just wish he was still here. i think that is the only thing that i believe had no reason to happen. suicide is so lame. it takes them say..6seconds to die. takes us our lifetime to forget.
sometimes i just need someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, even when it isnt.