(no subject)
Enough with being a puss. I even wanted to get a new journal so I wont have to look at this. Haha. But I'll live, nothing is better than memories... I let other people become too much a part of my life. I'll keep being the way I am until I move to Florida, except maybe I'll start making more friends. This weekend I'm going to go drinking with a few people from school, Alanina better hope it isnt Saturday or else she's screwed. Hm. Tonight I kissed Kerk. Well, today. It was nice because after, we both started laughing and then he pinched me. He's a good guy but we've decided on being just friends because of the way our lives are. He's moving to NY in May, it's weird because Nik and him are going to the same school for the same reason so I'm betting on them being friends. And Kerk doesnt just remind me of Jake anymore, I've realized that I see little thing in him that remind me of all the Rockford guys. I think thats what makes him so great, for awhile now I've lost that you know? And with Kerk around it's like i have it back for a little bit. And that makes me smile.
I guess lately I've been acting really emo, and just letting my emotions get the best of me, but the more I do thinking I've realized that it isnt really worth it. There are always going to be people in my life that make it hard to wake up with a smile on my face, but other makes it so easy to smile in the morning. And in my past I've pushed alot of people away, people that made a really great impact on my life, and altough I know I can never bring those people back, I'm going to start the whole not pushing people away and being friends with those who I dont want to lose. Thats what I want with Nick, and what I sort of had with Junior and what I wanted for Mason. But I know that Mason gone, and there is a tiny chance that he and I will speak again, but it cant bring back anything. I will always love him, and I will always have feelings for him that no one can replace. In 5 years there is going to be one night where I think about him and cry, because you never get over your first love, and in this case, I never want to. I know that I have to stop thinking that my future boyfriends are going to compare to him, because none will. But I also have to stop thinking that he is going to come back. But I do think that wont be a problem, I've been doing good with the non emotion thing.
I guess lately I've been acting really emo, and just letting my emotions get the best of me, but the more I do thinking I've realized that it isnt really worth it. There are always going to be people in my life that make it hard to wake up with a smile on my face, but other makes it so easy to smile in the morning. And in my past I've pushed alot of people away, people that made a really great impact on my life, and altough I know I can never bring those people back, I'm going to start the whole not pushing people away and being friends with those who I dont want to lose. Thats what I want with Nick, and what I sort of had with Junior and what I wanted for Mason. But I know that Mason gone, and there is a tiny chance that he and I will speak again, but it cant bring back anything. I will always love him, and I will always have feelings for him that no one can replace. In 5 years there is going to be one night where I think about him and cry, because you never get over your first love, and in this case, I never want to. I know that I have to stop thinking that my future boyfriends are going to compare to him, because none will. But I also have to stop thinking that he is going to come back. But I do think that wont be a problem, I've been doing good with the non emotion thing.