Bleedin' Jesus! I Mean, Santa
As you all know, I am a proud grammar Nazi. If you make a grammatical error or linguistic faux pas, I am there in a heartbeat to set you straight. You can thank me later. At least, I think those are words of gratitude you're muttering under your breath. One of my favorite linguistic lapses is the misuse of the term "literally." Oh, the snide giggles I have enjoyed upon hearing tales of things "literally" happening! Today's find was one of my all-time favorites though. I was reading some sappy story about kids asking mall santas for unconvential wishes this year. With tears glistening in their doe eyes, little Bobby and tiny Tina are asking not just for G.I. Joes and Barbie dolls this season, but they are also asking Santa to find Daddy a job or give Mommy the money to buy back the house. All very touching until I came across this quote:
"You see things behind the beard that nobody else will ever see or hear. I've had children just literally tear my heart out," said Jackson, who is pulling on his red suit for a 19th season of playing Santa at private parties and festivals in the northern part of the state.
Zombie children ripping out Santa's heart!!!!! Why isn't CNN at the blood-drenched scene, I ask you?! Can't you just picture these children with their nine-inch nails attacking mall Santas like crazed wolverines? Because I can. And it makes me howl with laughter.
"I want a Barbie and Streetcorner Bratz doll and a rocking horse and a job for Daddy. And if you don't get Daddy out of the unemployment line, YOU WILL FEEL THE RENDING OF MY CLAWS!!!"
"You see things behind the beard that nobody else will ever see or hear. I've had children just literally tear my heart out," said Jackson, who is pulling on his red suit for a 19th season of playing Santa at private parties and festivals in the northern part of the state.
Zombie children ripping out Santa's heart!!!!! Why isn't CNN at the blood-drenched scene, I ask you?! Can't you just picture these children with their nine-inch nails attacking mall Santas like crazed wolverines? Because I can. And it makes me howl with laughter.
"I want a Barbie and Streetcorner Bratz doll and a rocking horse and a job for Daddy. And if you don't get Daddy out of the unemployment line, YOU WILL FEEL THE RENDING OF MY CLAWS!!!"