Bottom cheer's me up ^_^
Now would seem like a good time to update on the events of the past month for 2 reasons, a. because I have finally worked up the energy to move all the shit from in front of my computer allowing me to get within 2ft of it and b. because I have only just got to the stage when im well enough to make a post containing more than the words "I HATE MY FUCKING BODY!!!!!!!"
You may ask why I have been so poorly? well i'll tell you thought I am putting some of it under a cut since it concerns women's problems, something I know most men just can't stand to think about let alone read about ^_^
Well the beginning of what has been a shit 6 weeks started with tooth ache, i've not been to a dentist in 9 years due to the fact I have been lucky with teeth and never had any real problems - which is why they decided to all gang up on me at once >_< It was so painful I found myself being sent home from work after being in tears and in so much pain I was sick! Work was nice though so it made things easier.
I went to the dentist with thanks to my nana who paid for my whole appointment since I was swapped to private when I didn't go for...well 9 yrs. I had to hav a filling which was just plain horrible and involved a needle in the cheek leaving the right side of my mouth numb for 4 hours *shudders* However worse than that was what they found when they did an ex-ray of my wisdom teeth which showed that not only where they pointing towards my teeth rather than down but one had already carved its way into the tooth next to it, pushing the tooth out towards my cheek ><;; Im not looking forward to the next few months cause at some point im going to have to give in and have my gum cut open - something im not keen on and refuse to do if I have to be awake during the whole thing!
So yeah then came the real fun and the reason I have been off for 2 and a half weeks now - my period. Now to most that may sound a little strange since we all have to deal with them and not often do we require time off and certainly not 2 weeks! Well as most people know I haven't been having my period for 5 years now, for 4 years I had absolutely nothing and then last year I had the odd day here and there but nothing noteworthy. I had had blood tests and smears but they didn't find a reason, which is probably due to the fact they didn't really take a vested interest in my situation and after the 100th chorus of "its probably just a blip and more than likely due to your weight" I just gave up, there are only so many time's I can explain that "NO ITS FUCKING NOT YOU MORONS" I mean if that were the case then it would be happening to millions of people and it's not!
Well after all that time I basically gave up caring, they had already told me it was unlikely I would ever be able to have children and I had come to terms with that. Im too selfish to have kid's and I doubt that should I get to the life im dreaming of I will be willing to give it up for someone else, that's not to say I will never want a child in my life but in my mind I think it would be unfair to bring another child into this world when there are so many in orphanages without a home or a family so I would rather adopt.
Yes that's right, 3 weeks ago, out of the blue, my period started up! It wasn't like the odd days I had had during the past years it was a proper period and to tell the truth it scared the shit out of me - I mean it begs the question "what th fuck did I do to start it back up!?" but since I thought it was just a blip of sorts I just did the usual until Saturday came and then the trouble started.
I found myself bleeding at an incredible rate, so heavily that I couldn't sleep and was having to change the largest tampons available every 20 minutes!! I couldn't leave the house since I needed to be near the loo all day, I was in massive amount's of pain and after 3 days it was only getting worse. So I had to tell Lor everything since there was no way I could go to work in that condition, it was so humiliating but thankfully she was amazing about it - I have never liked her more or been happier she was my boss before that moment and I have developed a new found respect for her these past 2 weeks.
This lasted for 2 weeks at its worst, I have been to the doctors 3 times since and had to have blood tests since they thought I was anaemic when they found out I was feeling faint most of the time. I am going to the doctors on Tuesday to get the results and to demand to see a gynaecologist since I have reached the point where im sick of their lack of help. The main problem is that there may be a more serious reason for the problems I had and that could be related to the fact I recently noticed my cervix had moved - Im terrified something is wrong and no matter how much I mention it to them they take no notice so I will have to take it further.
To the ladies reading this have you ever had anything like that happen? I mean the constant bleeding? I ask because I want to know how common it is so I can do a little research into the possible cause's and more importantly so I can find out whether it's likely to happen again - if it is I need to know how to stop it because I can't go through that again.
If all the above wasn't bad enough on its own I also had to contend with Flu and the current fun of mild food poisoning - because they can't leave me with only one problem to deal with at a time ><;
Im beginning to think my body is shutting down bit by bit and if that's the case I welcome the end of it all because I doubt I could go through a similar event again in the next 40yrs let alone the next few months :(
That's not everything that's happened but the rest is for another day when im not so tired. I hope everyone is ok and miss you all, hope I talk to you soon ^_^
You may ask why I have been so poorly? well i'll tell you thought I am putting some of it under a cut since it concerns women's problems, something I know most men just can't stand to think about let alone read about ^_^
Well the beginning of what has been a shit 6 weeks started with tooth ache, i've not been to a dentist in 9 years due to the fact I have been lucky with teeth and never had any real problems - which is why they decided to all gang up on me at once >_< It was so painful I found myself being sent home from work after being in tears and in so much pain I was sick! Work was nice though so it made things easier.
I went to the dentist with thanks to my nana who paid for my whole appointment since I was swapped to private when I didn't go for...well 9 yrs. I had to hav a filling which was just plain horrible and involved a needle in the cheek leaving the right side of my mouth numb for 4 hours *shudders* However worse than that was what they found when they did an ex-ray of my wisdom teeth which showed that not only where they pointing towards my teeth rather than down but one had already carved its way into the tooth next to it, pushing the tooth out towards my cheek ><;; Im not looking forward to the next few months cause at some point im going to have to give in and have my gum cut open - something im not keen on and refuse to do if I have to be awake during the whole thing!
So yeah then came the real fun and the reason I have been off for 2 and a half weeks now - my period. Now to most that may sound a little strange since we all have to deal with them and not often do we require time off and certainly not 2 weeks! Well as most people know I haven't been having my period for 5 years now, for 4 years I had absolutely nothing and then last year I had the odd day here and there but nothing noteworthy. I had had blood tests and smears but they didn't find a reason, which is probably due to the fact they didn't really take a vested interest in my situation and after the 100th chorus of "its probably just a blip and more than likely due to your weight" I just gave up, there are only so many time's I can explain that "NO ITS FUCKING NOT YOU MORONS" I mean if that were the case then it would be happening to millions of people and it's not!
Well after all that time I basically gave up caring, they had already told me it was unlikely I would ever be able to have children and I had come to terms with that. Im too selfish to have kid's and I doubt that should I get to the life im dreaming of I will be willing to give it up for someone else, that's not to say I will never want a child in my life but in my mind I think it would be unfair to bring another child into this world when there are so many in orphanages without a home or a family so I would rather adopt.
Yes that's right, 3 weeks ago, out of the blue, my period started up! It wasn't like the odd days I had had during the past years it was a proper period and to tell the truth it scared the shit out of me - I mean it begs the question "what th fuck did I do to start it back up!?" but since I thought it was just a blip of sorts I just did the usual until Saturday came and then the trouble started.
I found myself bleeding at an incredible rate, so heavily that I couldn't sleep and was having to change the largest tampons available every 20 minutes!! I couldn't leave the house since I needed to be near the loo all day, I was in massive amount's of pain and after 3 days it was only getting worse. So I had to tell Lor everything since there was no way I could go to work in that condition, it was so humiliating but thankfully she was amazing about it - I have never liked her more or been happier she was my boss before that moment and I have developed a new found respect for her these past 2 weeks.
This lasted for 2 weeks at its worst, I have been to the doctors 3 times since and had to have blood tests since they thought I was anaemic when they found out I was feeling faint most of the time. I am going to the doctors on Tuesday to get the results and to demand to see a gynaecologist since I have reached the point where im sick of their lack of help. The main problem is that there may be a more serious reason for the problems I had and that could be related to the fact I recently noticed my cervix had moved - Im terrified something is wrong and no matter how much I mention it to them they take no notice so I will have to take it further.
To the ladies reading this have you ever had anything like that happen? I mean the constant bleeding? I ask because I want to know how common it is so I can do a little research into the possible cause's and more importantly so I can find out whether it's likely to happen again - if it is I need to know how to stop it because I can't go through that again.
If all the above wasn't bad enough on its own I also had to contend with Flu and the current fun of mild food poisoning - because they can't leave me with only one problem to deal with at a time ><;
Im beginning to think my body is shutting down bit by bit and if that's the case I welcome the end of it all because I doubt I could go through a similar event again in the next 40yrs let alone the next few months :(
That's not everything that's happened but the rest is for another day when im not so tired. I hope everyone is ok and miss you all, hope I talk to you soon ^_^