(no subject)
HAHAHA HEYYYYYYYYYYY I'M ALIVE
What? You didn't even notice I was gone? Yeah, well.
Things have been, you know, whatever. They've gotten better, I think, or at least transitioned into some sort of less-shitty place. I'm still pretty emotional, but it's not been so bad, most of the time.
I was doing really well until maybe late last night, when I sort of flipped out about my teeth. The thing about my teeth is that they're pretty gross. They're straight as hell, I mean they're perfect that way, but they're rotted and yellow and both my front teeth have big black holes in them. And I just got to thinking and ran my tongue over it and got to thinking about getting drugged up when I get it filled and will they have to pull it, will it fall out, will I have to have fake teeth eventually, will that prevent me from anything, that kind of thought process. Lame, but I started freaking out in my bed and I had to get up and paint for a long time until I was calm enough to lay back down.
And you might ask, "Why not just go to a dentist now?" I keep telling my dad to find a dentist. He keeps saying he'll look for one. He never fucking does. I don't even understand it. I don't know why. I have these huge fucking holes in my front teeth. I have to hide my face when I smile or laugh. I'm ashamed of my fucking face. I'm ashamed to speak. And he doesn't even do anything to help. I have no idea why he won't help. I'm a fucking teenage girl, with lower self-esteem than I'd assume is usual, and I have these huge massive ROTTED holes in my teeth that people can literally see from across the room. Literally. When people say "You have something in your teeth", as if it's just food or something, what do I say? I mean, you know what that's like? Maybe you do. Maybe I'm just bitching. Maybe I'm sensitive.
HAHAHHAAHHA LIVEJOURNAL I SURE MISSED YOU
Anyway, I'm getting a tattoo this month. Likely a cat. I was thinking of getting a scarab but I keep changing my mind. Probably just a cat since it's the only thing I'm certain I'll always like. Have I already discussed this? Probably.
I went to go get my driver's permit today, and failed the test. I should have seen that coming. I don't do anything except fail tests and disappoint the higher-ups.
We've got these mock interviews on Thursday, and I'm going to wear this nice black turtleneck, this very great black skirt I bought this weekend just for the occasion, and these real nice boots I got recently. I'm dying my hair black, too, so I can look more professional and a little less like a nutjob. I told my dad and step-mom that I wanted to dye my hair for it and they're like "THAT PISSES ME OFF THEY CANT TELL YOU WHAT TO LOOK LIKE OR HOW TO LIVE AND WHO SAYS YOU CANT GET A JOB LOOKING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE BLAH BLAH BLAH" and i'm like "JESUS FUCK, CALM THE FUCK DOWN, IT'S MY DECISION, I WANNA LOOK PRESENTABLE, FUCK YOU GUYS" and my dad finally bought me some hairdye cuz he doesnt really care anymore, and my step-mom's pissed because he spent three dollars. She's really selfish when it comes to money, it makes me sick.
Also, I saw American History X this weekend. Sooooo fucking good. It's sad that a MOVIE inspired me to never be racist again (you know, like in jokes and stuff, I don't consider myself to be an ACTUAL racist or whatever but if it's even in jokes then it's racist, you're a racist. you know.) BUT YEAH that movie seriously made me feel ill a lot of times. Some heavy shit. It was reeeeally good though.
I might update later once I remember what I have to say.
What? You didn't even notice I was gone? Yeah, well.
Things have been, you know, whatever. They've gotten better, I think, or at least transitioned into some sort of less-shitty place. I'm still pretty emotional, but it's not been so bad, most of the time.
I was doing really well until maybe late last night, when I sort of flipped out about my teeth. The thing about my teeth is that they're pretty gross. They're straight as hell, I mean they're perfect that way, but they're rotted and yellow and both my front teeth have big black holes in them. And I just got to thinking and ran my tongue over it and got to thinking about getting drugged up when I get it filled and will they have to pull it, will it fall out, will I have to have fake teeth eventually, will that prevent me from anything, that kind of thought process. Lame, but I started freaking out in my bed and I had to get up and paint for a long time until I was calm enough to lay back down.
And you might ask, "Why not just go to a dentist now?" I keep telling my dad to find a dentist. He keeps saying he'll look for one. He never fucking does. I don't even understand it. I don't know why. I have these huge fucking holes in my front teeth. I have to hide my face when I smile or laugh. I'm ashamed of my fucking face. I'm ashamed to speak. And he doesn't even do anything to help. I have no idea why he won't help. I'm a fucking teenage girl, with lower self-esteem than I'd assume is usual, and I have these huge massive ROTTED holes in my teeth that people can literally see from across the room. Literally. When people say "You have something in your teeth", as if it's just food or something, what do I say? I mean, you know what that's like? Maybe you do. Maybe I'm just bitching. Maybe I'm sensitive.
HAHAHHAAHHA LIVEJOURNAL I SURE MISSED YOU
Anyway, I'm getting a tattoo this month. Likely a cat. I was thinking of getting a scarab but I keep changing my mind. Probably just a cat since it's the only thing I'm certain I'll always like. Have I already discussed this? Probably.
I went to go get my driver's permit today, and failed the test. I should have seen that coming. I don't do anything except fail tests and disappoint the higher-ups.
We've got these mock interviews on Thursday, and I'm going to wear this nice black turtleneck, this very great black skirt I bought this weekend just for the occasion, and these real nice boots I got recently. I'm dying my hair black, too, so I can look more professional and a little less like a nutjob. I told my dad and step-mom that I wanted to dye my hair for it and they're like "THAT PISSES ME OFF THEY CANT TELL YOU WHAT TO LOOK LIKE OR HOW TO LIVE AND WHO SAYS YOU CANT GET A JOB LOOKING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE BLAH BLAH BLAH" and i'm like "JESUS FUCK, CALM THE FUCK DOWN, IT'S MY DECISION, I WANNA LOOK PRESENTABLE, FUCK YOU GUYS" and my dad finally bought me some hairdye cuz he doesnt really care anymore, and my step-mom's pissed because he spent three dollars. She's really selfish when it comes to money, it makes me sick.
Also, I saw American History X this weekend. Sooooo fucking good. It's sad that a MOVIE inspired me to never be racist again (you know, like in jokes and stuff, I don't consider myself to be an ACTUAL racist or whatever but if it's even in jokes then it's racist, you're a racist. you know.) BUT YEAH that movie seriously made me feel ill a lot of times. Some heavy shit. It was reeeeally good though.
I might update later once I remember what I have to say.