(no subject)
I know that I post a lot of things about my experiences with guys, and this one will be no different. Well...maybe it will.
Tonight, a guy told me in no uncertain terms that he liked me a lot and wanted to date me. He kissed me, making out followed. (Does making out always follow? Can we change the rules?)I can't say I'm a big fan of making out in general. I prefer cuddling without tongues.
Then, I ran.
I wasn't going to. I was lying there with him on the futon in his living room, thinking about everything and nothing, and then suddenly I just wanted to be back in my own bed. I kept telling myself to stay, but in the end I made sure he was asleep, then I got up, grabbed my skates and left.
I skated around my neighborhood until all I could feel was adrenaline, then I came back to my apartment. I don't know why I do this to myself. I always seem to be pushing away from intimacy, and it's become something I do out of habit. I feel like that I need to be lonely to feel like me. I am a lone wolf, and I hate the idea that that might be changing. I don't want to need anyone or be responsible for anyone but myself.
And now I feel like I'm giving up on something before it even starts; which I am. I think I'm just turning into a big tangled mess of confusion and self over-awareness.
Tomorrow I should be back to normal, whatever that is.
Tonight, a guy told me in no uncertain terms that he liked me a lot and wanted to date me. He kissed me, making out followed. (Does making out always follow? Can we change the rules?)I can't say I'm a big fan of making out in general. I prefer cuddling without tongues.
Then, I ran.
I wasn't going to. I was lying there with him on the futon in his living room, thinking about everything and nothing, and then suddenly I just wanted to be back in my own bed. I kept telling myself to stay, but in the end I made sure he was asleep, then I got up, grabbed my skates and left.
I skated around my neighborhood until all I could feel was adrenaline, then I came back to my apartment. I don't know why I do this to myself. I always seem to be pushing away from intimacy, and it's become something I do out of habit. I feel like that I need to be lonely to feel like me. I am a lone wolf, and I hate the idea that that might be changing. I don't want to need anyone or be responsible for anyone but myself.
And now I feel like I'm giving up on something before it even starts; which I am. I think I'm just turning into a big tangled mess of confusion and self over-awareness.
Tomorrow I should be back to normal, whatever that is.