This is...amazing. So amazing. You are such a talented writer!
The paragraph about the computer made me laugh!
The drunk stares at you with crusted eyes, and it makes you wonder how people can allow themselves to get like that. That gave me chills! Good foreshadowing.
I love the part about his apartment, it's more of a slow transformation.
old journal entries tend to be deeply embarrassing - but you like having them there, because your memory is not infallible, and there is always the off-chance that your asinine personal observations may come in useful one day. It could happen. It's an infinite universe, after all. And you like the idea that, were you to die tomorrow, a small part of you would still exist, held safely between those pages. (Granted, you wouldn't want anyone to actually read them, but just knowing that they exist is enough.) This whole paragraph could refer to me and my journals.
Small mistake here: While in the bathroom (you are presently staying in an apartment that ha its own, rather than a communal one) Looks
( ... )
Justice never sleeps! (Justice drinks lots of coffee and eats lots of sugar. Justice probably has really bad breath. Sometimes Justice takes a power nap.)
Ahem; anyway, thank you! The bit about the journals was a case of 'write what you know', as I used to keep journals myself.
Small mistake here: While in the bathroom (you are presently staying in an apartment that ha its own, rather than a communal one) Looks like you forgot the 's' in 'has'.
Ah yeah, this is why I should get a beta reader. Whenever I try to proofread something longer than 6000 words, my brain goes walkabout. I've fixed it. Thanks. :)
The paragraph about the computer made me laugh!
The drunk stares at you with crusted eyes, and it makes you wonder how people can allow themselves to get like that. That gave me chills! Good foreshadowing.
I love the part about his apartment, it's more of a slow transformation.
old journal entries tend to be deeply embarrassing - but you like having them there, because your memory is not infallible, and there is always the off-chance that your asinine personal observations may come in useful one day. It could happen. It's an infinite universe, after all. And you like the idea that, were you to die tomorrow, a small part of you would still exist, held safely between those pages. (Granted, you wouldn't want anyone to actually read them, but just knowing that they exist is enough.) This whole paragraph could refer to me and my journals.
Small mistake here: While in the bathroom (you are presently staying in an apartment that ha its own, rather than a communal one) Looks ( ... )
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Justice never sleeps! (Justice drinks lots of coffee and eats lots of sugar. Justice probably has really bad breath. Sometimes Justice takes a power nap.)
Ahem; anyway, thank you! The bit about the journals was a case of 'write what you know', as I used to keep journals myself.
Small mistake here: While in the bathroom (you are presently staying in an apartment that ha its own, rather than a communal one) Looks like you forgot the 's' in 'has'.
Ah yeah, this is why I should get a beta reader. Whenever I try to proofread something longer than 6000 words, my brain goes walkabout. I've fixed it. Thanks. :)
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That's a good technique. It creates something people can relate to.
You're welcome. (I could beta for you if you're interested)
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