i dont know why i am depressed really. i guess its just one of those nights. whenever i just sit around at night all alone i think about really worthless stuff. you know, the stuff that gets you sad
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because fading into the background isn't as good as advertised, if you ever even successfully acheived the notion that no one knew about you, your problems would still be there, staring you in the fucking face and nothing to do to deter your thoughts from dwelling on them.......at least at school when you can pretend to be happy and make everyone smile, you don't have to deal with the problems at the moment, but then again, that's all I do at school, but then again, look how I act about any problem?? Do I even register any emotion anymore other than falsified happiness and sometimes geniune laughs? Is that good? Why did I just start talking about myself..........
Anyways, Maria knows fucking nothing about you, so don't let her get to you. No one, not even your closest friends should be analyzing your person and how you act. You act how you fucking act, if there is really a huge problem, then it would be dealt with......
You didn't apply to a college, big fucking deal. Maria is one of those chicks(here I am "analyzing" her) who was raised her whole life to believe if you don't go to college, your life is over and you will never amount to anything.
You have a plan Ana, and even if it isn't carved into stone and you're not even quite sure what you do, you have something in your head that keeps you happy and looking forward to August, when we btoh get the FUCK out of Sacramento and start over in Santa Barbara
I was just thinking the other day, about how we will know no one but eachother, and how awesome it will be to be able to leave every mistake in the past behind in Sacramento, and just start over. Every procrastination and self-defeat can be easily abolished because that was Sacramento Beth. SB Beth will be motivated and for once, truly happy. And it will be great. You will go to SB Community College and love it, and then transfer to UCSB and love it even more. I will be in Cosmetology school and be an awesome hairstylist and love every minute of it. And then I will attend Court Reporter School ( a new revalation of mine) and have sit in court all day and listen to the hilarities of the stupidity of the American Public. We will have the best movie collection ever, the most awesome house/apartment, and a fucking beach no further than 10 minutes from us.
And I apologize like 8 million times over about not being home yesterday. I didn't know you were going to be there, and I really needed the hours, for the money, so I can have fun and all that good shit.
So yeah, I have work today from 5-11, but I'm off tomorrow and all weekend and even better, it's payday, so we're going to have some fucking fun, whether you like it or not
Anyways, Maria knows fucking nothing about you, so don't let her get to you. No one, not even your closest friends should be analyzing your person and how you act. You act how you fucking act, if there is really a huge problem, then it would be dealt with......
You didn't apply to a college, big fucking deal. Maria is one of those chicks(here I am "analyzing" her) who was raised her whole life to believe if you don't go to college, your life is over and you will never amount to anything.
You have a plan Ana, and even if it isn't carved into stone and you're not even quite sure what you do, you have something in your head that keeps you happy and looking forward to August, when we btoh get the FUCK out of Sacramento and start over in Santa Barbara
I was just thinking the other day, about how we will know no one but eachother, and how awesome it will be to be able to leave every mistake in the past behind in Sacramento, and just start over. Every procrastination and self-defeat can be easily abolished because that was Sacramento Beth. SB Beth will be motivated and for once, truly happy. And it will be great. You will go to SB Community College and love it, and then transfer to UCSB and love it even more. I will be in Cosmetology school and be an awesome hairstylist and love every minute of it. And then I will attend Court Reporter School ( a new revalation of mine) and have sit in court all day and listen to the hilarities of the stupidity of the American Public. We will have the best movie collection ever, the most awesome house/apartment, and a fucking beach no further than 10 minutes from us.
And I apologize like 8 million times over about not being home yesterday. I didn't know you were going to be there, and I really needed the hours, for the money, so I can have fun and all that good shit.
So yeah, I have work today from 5-11, but I'm off tomorrow and all weekend and even better, it's payday, so we're going to have some fucking fun, whether you like it or not
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