i think saying that we were stuck was a wrong choice of words. it's not so much that we're actually stuck, it's that we all have these ideas of what we want to do and where we want to be but at the same time we have other things that keep popping up and seem to get in our way. well, i guess i'll just speak for myself not katie or holly. and honestly there is nothing stopping me or anything "popping up" to get it my way i'm just making up excuses and holding off on moving forward, which is the polar opposite of what i want to be doing.
and you are right, i spend a lot of my time wondering if i'm doing the right thing all the time. this isn't how i saw my life at all and i think that's what bothers me the most, i had all these invisions for myself and i had all these things that i wanted to do and i honestly thought i was going to do them and that nothing would get in my way, and then all of a sudden i quit my job and haven't had a steady income since then. i thought for sure that in a little less than two months i would be moving out would holly, we would both have steady jobs and we'd be decorating our apartment. and i know shit happens and i know it doesn't always go as planned but that's the way i WANTED it for so long that i never thought of different options. i know now that i need to move foward with my life and get myself steady and going with my life and as much as i want that, need that, i can't bring myself to go fill out applications and get a fucking job. i'm frustrating myself and i KNOW what i need to do and i WANT to do that but i haven't.
i've signed up for my asvab test for next tuesday. which is my second step in this process. i don't even know if i'm ready but if i keep putting this off then i'm going to change my mind again and not get anywhere. so we'll see if i'm ready or not. i'm not nervous though. i'm also not thinking that i want to leave until after the summer, i'd like one more summer before i grow up. =] haha. plus i have plans for this summer that i want to see fall through.
so now the plan is to get my ass out of the house and look for work and get a job and start saving for something, anything.
it's not so much that i think that getting my GED was a bad or wrong decision it's just on those days that i do nothing all day and i realize that if i was still in school then i wouldn't have wasted over half my day by waking up at 2 and then sitting around and doing nothing. i'm bored and i need a job to fill that void because i really do miss working. so it's not really a "doubt" feeling, it's more of a disappointment that all i do is sit at home and babysit kids. it's getting old.
i am ready to move forward, hell i've been ready since before i dropped out of high school, i just need to finally get my ass into gear and figure it out.
and think it just all kind of hit all three of us because we talk to each other about it so we all kind of reflected on our lives and had minor break downs about it. we all know that everything will work out and we'll all get our shit straight, it's just a long frustrating process. ::sigh:: growing up. it's a fabulous thing really haha.
these ideas of what we want to do and where we want to be but at the same time we have other things that keep popping up and seem to get in our way. well, i guess i'll just speak for myself not katie or holly. and honestly there is nothing stopping me or anything "popping up" to get it my way i'm just making up excuses and holding off on moving forward, which is the polar opposite of what i want to be doing.
and you are right, i spend a lot of my time wondering if i'm doing the right thing all the time. this isn't how i saw my life at all and i think that's what bothers me the most, i had all these invisions for myself and i had all these things that i wanted to do and i honestly thought i was going to do them and that nothing would get in my way, and then all of a sudden i quit my job and haven't had a steady income since then. i thought for sure that in a little less than two months i would be moving out would holly, we would both have steady jobs and we'd be decorating our apartment. and i know shit happens and i know it doesn't always go as planned but that's the way i WANTED it for so long that i never thought of different options. i know now that i need to move foward with my life and get myself steady and going with my life and as much as i want that, need that, i can't bring myself to go fill out applications and get a fucking job. i'm frustrating myself and i KNOW what i need to do and i WANT to do that but i haven't.
i've signed up for my asvab test for next tuesday. which is my second step in this process. i don't even know if i'm ready but if i keep putting this off then i'm going to change my mind again and not get anywhere. so we'll see if i'm ready or not. i'm not nervous though. i'm also not thinking that i want to leave until after the summer, i'd like one more summer before i grow up. =] haha. plus i have plans for this summer that i want to see fall through.
so now the plan is to get my ass out of the house and look for work and get a job and start saving for something, anything.
it's not so much that i think that getting my GED was a bad or wrong decision it's just on those days that i do nothing all day and i realize that if i was still in school then i wouldn't have wasted over half my day by waking up at 2 and then sitting around and doing nothing. i'm bored and i need a job to fill that void because i really do miss working. so it's not really a "doubt" feeling, it's more of a disappointment that all i do is sit at home and babysit kids. it's getting old.
i am ready to move forward, hell i've been ready since before i dropped out of high school, i just need to finally get my ass into gear and figure it out.
and think it just all kind of hit all three of us because we talk to each other about it so we all kind of reflected on our lives and had minor break downs about it. we all know that everything will work out and we'll all get our shit straight, it's just a long frustrating process. ::sigh:: growing up. it's a fabulous thing really haha.
thanks for the insight. =]
<3 rikki.
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