second midwest gathering
Saturday Quotes
"I do not have a hairy butt!" - Heather
"Guess the crotch." - Theresa
"It's like having someone gnawing on your leg." - Heather, re: her new tattoo
"I told her 'I'm going to give you to the gypsies!' And she kept asking, 'Where are the gypsies? I want to go with the gypsies!'" - Katherine re: her mini-Scaper, Lil' Belle
"Look, you can go with the gypsy!" - Mary to Lil' Belle
"My mom never let me sit on her lap. She said it hurt." - Heather
Examples of the many ways in which attempting to uncork a bottle of alcohol can be interpreted sexually -
"I've been handling it too long." - Ty
"Don't play with the tip." - Heather
"Before you push it in, let me try." - Amy
"What, are we actually turning this on topic?" - Natalie
"I have to forward all my porn to Heather." - Ty
"I still haven't gotten any of the porn. Where is it?" - Heather
"Give me an hour. I'll make you wet yourself." - Heather
"I can look in the mirror and go 'Woah!'" - Heather
"Is your fly open?" - Heather
"It's a saggy fly." - Ty
"Is there any bagginess in my fly now?" - Ty
"Ty is stuffed enough." - Heather
The people in the hotel across the parking lot were having almost as much fun as we were...
"Was that a flash?" - Heather
"Why didn't you flash those people yet, Tony?" - Heather
"You're writing this on the Holy Bible?" - Heather to Natalie
"Your hair looks really bad." - Liz
"My sister's a whore." - Liz
"It all turns to sex in the end, doesn't it?" - Liz
"Who's on the bottom?" - Heather
"I want to see naked anybody. I don't care. I'm not choosy." - Heather
"Raul Julia in a jumpsuit? Gag factor 9." - Heather
"I think I just took a panoramic picture of Ty's ass." - Natalie
"I never did the horsie." - Heather
"ScaperCon's position on horsies..." - Ty
"Bad beer! Bad beer!" - Liz
"Vibrator shorted out?" - John
"You had to involve dogs in this." - Liz
"Throw me cash, throw me cash." - Heather
"Do you know where that dollar's been?" - Ty
"Never been naked." - Heather
"Liz is a slut, I don't know where she's been." - Heather
"You've thought about trading skin for skin?" - Heather
"That sounded like Cinemax porn!" - Heather
After Ty's rousing rendition of the South Park song "She's a bitch" -
"We'll have children's songs at ScaperCon." - Sarah
"We can teach your kids songs if you let us." - Liz
"I romanced a security guard looking like this." - Liz
"Burp." - Liz and Heather
"Don't waste my lotion." - Theresa
"She was tempting me with finger action." - Heather
"Amy's one of those girls who looks all quiet, but when you get her drunk she takes off her clothes." - Liz
"Let's raise a glass to our dear departed Tony." - Liz
"How could we lose a Scaper?" - Heather
"And now I'm getting drunk." - Liz
"I don't get drunk, I get violently ill." - Sarah
"We're hunting wabbits." - Heather
"Flog me. Flog me again. Last night's flog didn't count." - Heather
"I don't bend that way anymore." - Sarah
"She was too busy writing notes on tampons." - Ty
"I'm being pawed." - Ty
"I brought tweezers, too!" - Liz
"It's 2 am and they're taping her talking about tweezers. This is what we do in the Midwest on a Saturday night." - Mary
"Will you [frell] my monkey?" - Liz
"Ty gave it more head." - Heather
"Wait, it's getting a little nipply in there." - Theresa
"Pluck Tony's crotch." - Liz
"My shirt won't stay on." - Natalie
"Are 'liloleus' going to make an appearance?" - Ty
"Did you just autograph that leg?" - Heather
"You'll be trapped in Peoria for two weeks like I was." - Ty
"Oh hell no." - Theresa
"And that's the appropriate term." - Ty
"Stop pulling. You know you get the right one and I unravel." - Ty
"If I make an ass of myself, Tony's there for me." - Ty
"I still can not get out of the country if I have to." - Ty
"Is someone taking a shower?" - unison
"We're all consenting adults here, right?" - Liz
"I'm not consenting to anything." - Ty
"'Will you sleep with me tonight?' That's the only think I remember from college French." - Heather
"Someone needs to get taped to something, dammit." - Natalie
"How do you tell if a dog's confused?" - Liz
"I'm not taping anyone to the floor this time. Next time I tape someone, I'm taping them to the ceiling." - Ty
"I like easy men, though." - Liz
"You're not drunk enough. You said that really well." - Theresa
"You're pretty sexy." - Liz
"I can smell beer. I'm from Wisconsin; it's mandatory." - Katherine
"Screw the vapors, I got horny." - Theresa
"Lotta talk, but I don't see a lotta show!" - Heather
STEP DOWN - Liz
"So what's on . . . your ball? That could've come out really wrong." - Heather
"My eggs hatch in June, and my mate's not back yet." - Ty
"You penguin whore." - Heather
"What the hell is with the coat??" - Heather to Ty
"We've got some hairage." - Theresa
"She's a money-maker if I've ever seen one!" - Ty
Liz converts the security guard in a conversation that's way too long and involved to even attempt to transcribe. Highlights include -
"Heather can kick anyone's ass."
"Did he go away?"
"I have a beer. It's happy." - Liz
"It was firmly between my legs." - Heather, re: The Lost Beer
"I am *so* drunk." - Liz
"I like porn and drinking, and it's all gone downhill from there." - Liz
"I don't know what's under there. I assume they're breasts, but I don't know for sure." - Ty to Heather
"Do you guys really need a ride back to DC??" - Liz re: Theresa's Bug
"If I had a body like yours, I'd be naked all the time." - Liz to Heather
"Ow, you hurt my boob!" - Liz
"Who needs stars - we have *these*!" - Larry
"No, I don't go to these things half-cocked." - Ty
"She's like a pusher..." - ??? re: Liz
"So, gypsy, on a scale of one to ten, how drunk are you?" - Natalie
"No offense, Amy. If I was a guy, I'm sure I'd be jumping all over you." - Liz
"I caught it in the big flappy crotch." - Ty
Sunday Quotes
"I don't remember these and I wasn't even drunk." - Gigi re: the quotes
"We've just gone someplace we didn't need to go..." - Theresa
"I'm never getting drunk around anyone again." - Liz
"Thank God, I'm not the only one who's getting laughed at." - Liz
"Can I smell yours??" - Heather
"I feel slimy after I hang out with Heather." - Liz
"Quotes, quotes, quotes. Is that all I mean to you?" - Ty
"There's still money on the floor." - Mary
"I don't dance like that anymore." - Liz
"Did you say 'grab me'?" - Amy to Ty
"I feel you pulling my pillows, honey." - Theresa
"Lil' Belle, don't pick [your sister] up by her head." - John
"Somebody had to go there, and I just couldn't get there fast enough." - Ty
"Don't chew on my shirt." - Katherine
"I'm fascinated by the Freudian implications of carrying this around all the time." - Ty re: Heather's keychain
"It's all gravy and pillows." - Ty
"I thought you had like, Tourette's or something..." - Heather to Liz
"Put me in a corner and let me rock." - Heather
"It was happy like a pile of kittens." - Heather
"I'm making a pile of kittens!" - Heather
"Just waiting for the Cinesex music to start up and the suckling to begin." - Ty
"So I was bent over for I-don't-know-how-long in the tech room." - Heather
Pitch Black Quotes
"How can you get such crappy reception on closed < whack > circuit < whack > cable < whack >?!!" - Amy
"Six thousand more packs of cigs and that's my voice." - Ty
"I better step out now so I don't miss the whole Claudia Black herky-jerky dance later." - Ty