whyaretheydoingthistome?
you know... someone has a really... REALLY wacky sense of humour when it comes to my life, if i ever find out this is like that ED tv or the Truman Show films and like... this is some crazy tv show designed to torment me for amusement? i'm shooting the producer.
okay, so... once again, i flipped on anton. i can't really remember why, to him it was because of my memory card for my phone but that's a lie. there was more to it but he bamboozled my brain and i don't actually remember anymore. once again we had an emotional argument split over... three days and you know what? i been thinking all this time that i'm... unexplainably attached to him. like... i can't not have him in my life but then i asked him some things and i realise... he probably feels the same way.
i asked him why is it that when i get so mad that i just don't want him in my life anymore he still turns up on my doorstep to make me change my mind? he said he doesn't know. i asked him why he feels he doesn't want to lose me [cause yeah, he said that], he still doesn't know. i ask him why he shows he cares when i'm upset because we really aren't that close... he said he can't say if he cares or doesn't care. he might care but... you know, he doesn't know ._.
thing about anton is, he could quite easily lock me off. i've said this to him, i'm not out there all entwined in his circle of friends, if we stopped talking we're not going to randomly bump into each other on road. i don't bring him nothing that he can't get on his own and he is not, as i said to him, my man, best friend or relative. so why does it matter if he loses me or not? why does he need me in his life? of course... he doesn't know. what he did say was that he doesn't think of reasons why he needs to be friends with people because that - to him - is like he's using them to gain something. but at the moment he just sounds confused and it makes me confused.
the other guy is confusing me even more. i saw him nearly every day this week and he got surprisingly defensive when i told him what i suspected anton of doing to me. i don't even want to touch on that until i get a clearer idea of what that all means.
and then john. john was out my life but yesterday i went out and saw them all once more cause i haven't seen them in like... 90 billion years. no matter how much i pointed out to him that i'm seeing someone [sometwo... anton and my other guy, whilst not officially my boyfriends are taking up the whole of the love scene at the moment. don't need anymore guys there, nope.] he was still ALL OVER ME. /)_-
thankfully, i am not attracted to him at the moment. but you know, he was such a more simple drama than these two guys.
i should try being just friends with anton. like... make a serious effort and get him to as well. ignore my icon.
okay, so... once again, i flipped on anton. i can't really remember why, to him it was because of my memory card for my phone but that's a lie. there was more to it but he bamboozled my brain and i don't actually remember anymore. once again we had an emotional argument split over... three days and you know what? i been thinking all this time that i'm... unexplainably attached to him. like... i can't not have him in my life but then i asked him some things and i realise... he probably feels the same way.
i asked him why is it that when i get so mad that i just don't want him in my life anymore he still turns up on my doorstep to make me change my mind? he said he doesn't know. i asked him why he feels he doesn't want to lose me [cause yeah, he said that], he still doesn't know. i ask him why he shows he cares when i'm upset because we really aren't that close... he said he can't say if he cares or doesn't care. he might care but... you know, he doesn't know ._.
thing about anton is, he could quite easily lock me off. i've said this to him, i'm not out there all entwined in his circle of friends, if we stopped talking we're not going to randomly bump into each other on road. i don't bring him nothing that he can't get on his own and he is not, as i said to him, my man, best friend or relative. so why does it matter if he loses me or not? why does he need me in his life? of course... he doesn't know. what he did say was that he doesn't think of reasons why he needs to be friends with people because that - to him - is like he's using them to gain something. but at the moment he just sounds confused and it makes me confused.
the other guy is confusing me even more. i saw him nearly every day this week and he got surprisingly defensive when i told him what i suspected anton of doing to me. i don't even want to touch on that until i get a clearer idea of what that all means.
and then john. john was out my life but yesterday i went out and saw them all once more cause i haven't seen them in like... 90 billion years. no matter how much i pointed out to him that i'm seeing someone [sometwo... anton and my other guy, whilst not officially my boyfriends are taking up the whole of the love scene at the moment. don't need anymore guys there, nope.] he was still ALL OVER ME. /)_-
thankfully, i am not attracted to him at the moment. but you know, he was such a more simple drama than these two guys.
i should try being just friends with anton. like... make a serious effort and get him to as well. ignore my icon.