nobody's indestructible...
i'd like to say we are but i know i'm not feeling like little miss indestructible right now. i... made a mistake. worse still... i think i made it for slightly spiteful reasons... which isn't the kind of person i usually am. for this reason i have decided i'm removing myself from society for a bit. i wasn't as interesting before i started making so many mistakes but i didn't put myself in danger of depression so often either. i need to move forward and to do that i need to reinvent and change a few key principles i picked up over the past three years. i probably won't but at least i'll be aware of how much i need to think before i do something, think of aaaaaaall the consequences...
let's put it this way, i broke a person. and i wanted to break this person which is why i did what i did because they needed to learn so very well, like my mother, that i'm not their bitch. it's all well and good being close to me, but... their life is not my life and i didn't like the direction my life was going. i'm not the girl who's happy not having her own money, borrowing and using up favours with other people, doing drugs or using drink as an escape from reality. i could be, when i feel really alone and down, but at the moment i'm surrounded by good people and if it weren't for this one person i would be able to move forward.
yet i did what i did to try and sever their need to cling to me and... i felt like shit for it because i'm not the girl who did that either. the ties been severed.. on the bright side, on the not so bright side i don't think i disliked myself as much as i did in that moment. it's yet another thing that needs fixing, and all i feel to do in terms of fixing it is... sleep on the issue.
all the same i hope the person that was clinging to me finally grows up and realises that half the things they bother with aren't worth the stress. they probably won't, but at least i won't have to put up with anymore rubbish about how the world is ending because they've developed a crush on the wrong person or because they've had their heart broken by someone yet again. i do it a lot too... in livejournal, but there's only so much 'oh i think they're the one' talk i can take. it takes more than a guy being good looking and having very large assets to make him the one, seriously. when he is the one...
let's put it this way, i broke a person. and i wanted to break this person which is why i did what i did because they needed to learn so very well, like my mother, that i'm not their bitch. it's all well and good being close to me, but... their life is not my life and i didn't like the direction my life was going. i'm not the girl who's happy not having her own money, borrowing and using up favours with other people, doing drugs or using drink as an escape from reality. i could be, when i feel really alone and down, but at the moment i'm surrounded by good people and if it weren't for this one person i would be able to move forward.
yet i did what i did to try and sever their need to cling to me and... i felt like shit for it because i'm not the girl who did that either. the ties been severed.. on the bright side, on the not so bright side i don't think i disliked myself as much as i did in that moment. it's yet another thing that needs fixing, and all i feel to do in terms of fixing it is... sleep on the issue.
all the same i hope the person that was clinging to me finally grows up and realises that half the things they bother with aren't worth the stress. they probably won't, but at least i won't have to put up with anymore rubbish about how the world is ending because they've developed a crush on the wrong person or because they've had their heart broken by someone yet again. i do it a lot too... in livejournal, but there's only so much 'oh i think they're the one' talk i can take. it takes more than a guy being good looking and having very large assets to make him the one, seriously. when he is the one...