I quit smoking.
01 Nov 2012, 16:56 (28 hours and 26 minutes without a cigarette)
Okay, so yesterday somewhere after 12:20 but before 12:30 I smoked my last cigarette. So, for purposes of simplicity, I'm considering yesterday: 31 Oct 12 at 12:30 to be the date and time of my last smoke.
Let me tell you, last night between the 6 to 8 hour mark was very difficult. Headaches and general body aches set in those areas of time, turning a regular desire for nicotine into the first official throws of withdrawal. I think it was made even more difficult as last night was Halloween, my favorite holiday, and I was (and still am) out of town and all alone. I compensated by getting extremely intoxicated, which made matters worse, as I usually smoke more when I drink alcohol.
The hardships of avoiding smoking was at its worst today, however. The 2 and a half hours leading up to the 24 hour mark was polluted with headaches, body aches, and a dire sense of anxiety. I can deal with the headaches and body aches just fine . . . but the anxiety is awful. Also, in those 2 and a half hours, I experienced my first bout of frustration, anger, and aggression. I found myself doing everything I could to keep from telling my instructor to shut the fuck up, despite the fact that he wasn't doing anything harmful or rude and also that I seemed to like him just fine up until that point. I kept in mind how unreasonable I was being and the fact that I would be coming upon the 24 hour mark soon . . . that helped me drive on.
The rest of the day has been huge, long lasting bouts of anxiety, and short, but intense bouts of aggression and anger. The headaches and body aches continue, but have not really picked up in intensity or frequency. Since the 24 hour mark, I have found it very difficult to concentrate from time to time.
Every time I walk into the PX, I tell myself that I will not be walking out with a pack of cigarettes. So far this has been successful, but I get the feeling that those who have never quit, or attempted to quit smoking cold turkey will realize how paramount that really is.
01 Nov 2012, 21:10 (32 hours and 40 minutes without a cigarette)
Before I turn in for the night, I do want to point out that I have been eating a lot and more often after I have stopped smoking. I think the busier I keep my mouth, the less I think about putting a cigarette butt into it. Maybe there is some truth to the whole, “quit smoking = get fat” thing.
Also, something else I forgot to mention earlier . . .
My left pocket constantly feels very empty now that there's not a pack of cigarettes occupying it. Maybe now I'll keep my cell phone in there and my right pocket won't be so crowded with keys and a phone.
02 Nov 2012, 14:23 (49 hours and 53 minutes without a cigarette)
Here at P.E.C. some construction is going on to have a new drainage line installed or something. Today, the construction personnel involved accidentally cut a power line, and it got us out of class early today. So now here I am, able to write about my experiences earlier than I would have before. Maybe that’ll help me conjure my experiences from earlier today a little better, but probably not. My memory is usually pretty linear with how keen it is, so long as the experiences were interesting or directly effecting me.
So, I’ve read more than once that quitting nicotine can cause insomnia. I don’t know why, but this statement made total sense to me, and yet somehow I figured it wouldn't happen to me. Well, guess what . . . the insomnia has made its appearance. Firstly, it was very slow going getting to sleep last night, and I seemed to have woken up every hour or 2 after I finally did get to sleep. It was fairly awful, but for the most part, since I’ve gotten up and about, I do not feel too incredibly sedated. I suppose all the practice I’ve gotten in sleep deprivation has paid off. Although, I am aware that if this continues, it’ll chip away at me.
Let me see, what else?
Oh yeah, I seem to get these bouts of surreal lightheadedness. It usually comes after a particularly bad craving, which is usually riddled with headaches and body pains. It’s like my brain is drugging me, naturally, to counter the craving for nicotine. It’s insane. When it happens I literately feel very odd, but also at peace . . . it makes my fingertips go numb. Seeing as my brain is drugging my body, maybe I’ll get addicted to chemical denial and in turn, withdrawal.
My anxiety hasn’t increased anymore, so that is a good thing. Actually, it feels as though it has reduced. I’m hoping this is the case, and that yesterday was the worst it was going to get, because that really sucked.
My hostility, frustration, and anger also has not increased. It still comes and goes, but it isn’t as intense or as frequent as I thought it would be.
It’s funny, how our brains work. They’re almost like a completely separate entity sometimes. All these headaches, body aches, anxiety, and hostilities are nothing more than my brain throwing a tantrum over not getting what it wants. It has become accustomed to receiving a certain chemical, in a very specific format, and now it is kicking and screaming to get it back. My acetylcholine receptors are now deprived, and my brain will do anything it can to talk me into filling the void. I remember reading a Cracked.com article by John Cheese where he talked about quitting smoking. One of the things he said was something to the effect of, “when you quit, everything becomes an excuse to smoke”. That’s very true. I find myself thinking all kinds of stupid shit, and it’s not brought up consciously, it’s just recognized consciously.
For instance, this morning, I look at the time on my phone. “Oh, it’s 07:10, I have plenty of time to get to class.” My brain says, “Cool, you got time to stop at one of the smoking areas and have a cigarette then.”
I think today, “It’s Friday, maybe I’ll head down to the post lounge tonight, and have a beer or 2. That’ll get me out of my room, and I’ll be less likely to get depressed or anxious.” My brain says, “Yeah, you can hang out on the patio. There will be plenty of people out there for you to bum cigarettes from.”
I think, “Yes! I’ve gone 48 hours without a cigarette!” My brain says, “Sweet dude! Why don’t you celebrate with a cigarette?!”
“No.”
“A cigar?”
“No!”
“A pipe?”
“NO!”
“Some dip?”
“Good God, it’s come to this?! FUCK NO! I’ve never tried that shit, nor will I. Not today, not ever! I won’t even smoke my hookah until I hit the 10 day mark. So shut the fuck up! Throw your little goddamned fits, give me the headaches, the sleep deprivation, the body aches, the insomnia, I don't care . . . but shut the fuck up!”
*clears throat and looks about awkwardly* Well, at least most of my hostility is inwardly directed.
03 Nov 2012, 08:45 (68 hours and 15 minutes without a cigarette)
The insomnia has not let up. It's a weird sort of insomnia too, like I'm too distracted to go to sleep and stay that way. Also, when you're experiencing withdrawal, I swear to you, time moves slower. No, seriously. It's not like everything moves in slow motion, because it doesn't. Everything moves and acts normal, it's just that it takes half an hour for 1 minute to pass. I'm serious. It's horrible.
At least I've not relented, my discipline is holding. Before now it was simply being too stubborn to fail, now it's something else completely different. This is the longest I've willingly gone without a cigarette in 8 years. All the bullshit I'm experiencing due to withdrawal would all start over, and be experienced again, if I gave up my cessation now. See, I always knew I wouldn't die a smoker, and this is still known. I knew that no matter how much or little anyone harped on me would not determine when and/or why I stop. I just knew that, one day, I would no longer smoke and the initial recoil from doing such would be hard. I'm nearly 72 hours in, and it has already been extremely difficult . . . if I smoke now, I'll simply restart the clock on all of those difficulties. I would just experience them again, on a later date, when I again decided to quit.
My body can throw all the chemically dependent induced tantrums it wants, but I'll be damned if I shit on this much forward progress only for the difficulties to be repeated all over again later on.
03 Nov 2012, 12:30 (72 hours without a cigarette)
3 days motherfucker! Yeeeaaah boyee!
It’s been said by quite a few sources that at the 48 hour mark, you can be fairly certain that you have little to no traces of nicotine in your body, but all sources say that you can guarantee that at 72 hours, you definitely have no nicotine left in your body, at all. If my urine was tested against a non-smoker’s, a trained lab technician couldn't tell the difference.
Also, most sources I’ve read stated that the hours leading up to now are the hardest. My cravings, and difficulties aren’t over with, but I’ve more than likely experienced the worst parts of withdrawal. I’m quite elated at this.
You know, it took up until this point for me to finally post all of this to a public setting. I was so afraid of trying to do this, going public with it, and having my failure to be victorious shining all noticeably in front of everyone. Yet, here I am. I’ve pushed through the worst part of quitting, so why would I fear failure now? I already know I can do the hardest part because I have done it. Why let it all fall apart now?
I don’t want to say, “I’ve done it!” I don’t want to say that until about the 10 day mark. Most sources say it’s around that time that all your cigarette cravings, even the minor ones, go away. But I do feel comfortable in saying, “I am doing it!” I also feel comfortable in saying, “I will do it!”
You know what . . . maybe I will go to the post lounge tonight. I will have a beer or two, and I’ll sit outside on the patio. I won’t bum a cigarette though. I’ll just enjoy the night sky and a good brew. I’m not afraid of being around tobacco products anymore. I’m not afraid that I will cave in.
I got this.
Okay, so yesterday somewhere after 12:20 but before 12:30 I smoked my last cigarette. So, for purposes of simplicity, I'm considering yesterday: 31 Oct 12 at 12:30 to be the date and time of my last smoke.
Let me tell you, last night between the 6 to 8 hour mark was very difficult. Headaches and general body aches set in those areas of time, turning a regular desire for nicotine into the first official throws of withdrawal. I think it was made even more difficult as last night was Halloween, my favorite holiday, and I was (and still am) out of town and all alone. I compensated by getting extremely intoxicated, which made matters worse, as I usually smoke more when I drink alcohol.
The hardships of avoiding smoking was at its worst today, however. The 2 and a half hours leading up to the 24 hour mark was polluted with headaches, body aches, and a dire sense of anxiety. I can deal with the headaches and body aches just fine . . . but the anxiety is awful. Also, in those 2 and a half hours, I experienced my first bout of frustration, anger, and aggression. I found myself doing everything I could to keep from telling my instructor to shut the fuck up, despite the fact that he wasn't doing anything harmful or rude and also that I seemed to like him just fine up until that point. I kept in mind how unreasonable I was being and the fact that I would be coming upon the 24 hour mark soon . . . that helped me drive on.
The rest of the day has been huge, long lasting bouts of anxiety, and short, but intense bouts of aggression and anger. The headaches and body aches continue, but have not really picked up in intensity or frequency. Since the 24 hour mark, I have found it very difficult to concentrate from time to time.
Every time I walk into the PX, I tell myself that I will not be walking out with a pack of cigarettes. So far this has been successful, but I get the feeling that those who have never quit, or attempted to quit smoking cold turkey will realize how paramount that really is.
01 Nov 2012, 21:10 (32 hours and 40 minutes without a cigarette)
Before I turn in for the night, I do want to point out that I have been eating a lot and more often after I have stopped smoking. I think the busier I keep my mouth, the less I think about putting a cigarette butt into it. Maybe there is some truth to the whole, “quit smoking = get fat” thing.
Also, something else I forgot to mention earlier . . .
My left pocket constantly feels very empty now that there's not a pack of cigarettes occupying it. Maybe now I'll keep my cell phone in there and my right pocket won't be so crowded with keys and a phone.
02 Nov 2012, 14:23 (49 hours and 53 minutes without a cigarette)
Here at P.E.C. some construction is going on to have a new drainage line installed or something. Today, the construction personnel involved accidentally cut a power line, and it got us out of class early today. So now here I am, able to write about my experiences earlier than I would have before. Maybe that’ll help me conjure my experiences from earlier today a little better, but probably not. My memory is usually pretty linear with how keen it is, so long as the experiences were interesting or directly effecting me.
So, I’ve read more than once that quitting nicotine can cause insomnia. I don’t know why, but this statement made total sense to me, and yet somehow I figured it wouldn't happen to me. Well, guess what . . . the insomnia has made its appearance. Firstly, it was very slow going getting to sleep last night, and I seemed to have woken up every hour or 2 after I finally did get to sleep. It was fairly awful, but for the most part, since I’ve gotten up and about, I do not feel too incredibly sedated. I suppose all the practice I’ve gotten in sleep deprivation has paid off. Although, I am aware that if this continues, it’ll chip away at me.
Let me see, what else?
Oh yeah, I seem to get these bouts of surreal lightheadedness. It usually comes after a particularly bad craving, which is usually riddled with headaches and body pains. It’s like my brain is drugging me, naturally, to counter the craving for nicotine. It’s insane. When it happens I literately feel very odd, but also at peace . . . it makes my fingertips go numb. Seeing as my brain is drugging my body, maybe I’ll get addicted to chemical denial and in turn, withdrawal.
My anxiety hasn’t increased anymore, so that is a good thing. Actually, it feels as though it has reduced. I’m hoping this is the case, and that yesterday was the worst it was going to get, because that really sucked.
My hostility, frustration, and anger also has not increased. It still comes and goes, but it isn’t as intense or as frequent as I thought it would be.
It’s funny, how our brains work. They’re almost like a completely separate entity sometimes. All these headaches, body aches, anxiety, and hostilities are nothing more than my brain throwing a tantrum over not getting what it wants. It has become accustomed to receiving a certain chemical, in a very specific format, and now it is kicking and screaming to get it back. My acetylcholine receptors are now deprived, and my brain will do anything it can to talk me into filling the void. I remember reading a Cracked.com article by John Cheese where he talked about quitting smoking. One of the things he said was something to the effect of, “when you quit, everything becomes an excuse to smoke”. That’s very true. I find myself thinking all kinds of stupid shit, and it’s not brought up consciously, it’s just recognized consciously.
For instance, this morning, I look at the time on my phone. “Oh, it’s 07:10, I have plenty of time to get to class.” My brain says, “Cool, you got time to stop at one of the smoking areas and have a cigarette then.”
I think today, “It’s Friday, maybe I’ll head down to the post lounge tonight, and have a beer or 2. That’ll get me out of my room, and I’ll be less likely to get depressed or anxious.” My brain says, “Yeah, you can hang out on the patio. There will be plenty of people out there for you to bum cigarettes from.”
I think, “Yes! I’ve gone 48 hours without a cigarette!” My brain says, “Sweet dude! Why don’t you celebrate with a cigarette?!”
“No.”
“A cigar?”
“No!”
“A pipe?”
“NO!”
“Some dip?”
“Good God, it’s come to this?! FUCK NO! I’ve never tried that shit, nor will I. Not today, not ever! I won’t even smoke my hookah until I hit the 10 day mark. So shut the fuck up! Throw your little goddamned fits, give me the headaches, the sleep deprivation, the body aches, the insomnia, I don't care . . . but shut the fuck up!”
*clears throat and looks about awkwardly* Well, at least most of my hostility is inwardly directed.
03 Nov 2012, 08:45 (68 hours and 15 minutes without a cigarette)
The insomnia has not let up. It's a weird sort of insomnia too, like I'm too distracted to go to sleep and stay that way. Also, when you're experiencing withdrawal, I swear to you, time moves slower. No, seriously. It's not like everything moves in slow motion, because it doesn't. Everything moves and acts normal, it's just that it takes half an hour for 1 minute to pass. I'm serious. It's horrible.
At least I've not relented, my discipline is holding. Before now it was simply being too stubborn to fail, now it's something else completely different. This is the longest I've willingly gone without a cigarette in 8 years. All the bullshit I'm experiencing due to withdrawal would all start over, and be experienced again, if I gave up my cessation now. See, I always knew I wouldn't die a smoker, and this is still known. I knew that no matter how much or little anyone harped on me would not determine when and/or why I stop. I just knew that, one day, I would no longer smoke and the initial recoil from doing such would be hard. I'm nearly 72 hours in, and it has already been extremely difficult . . . if I smoke now, I'll simply restart the clock on all of those difficulties. I would just experience them again, on a later date, when I again decided to quit.
My body can throw all the chemically dependent induced tantrums it wants, but I'll be damned if I shit on this much forward progress only for the difficulties to be repeated all over again later on.
03 Nov 2012, 12:30 (72 hours without a cigarette)
3 days motherfucker! Yeeeaaah boyee!
It’s been said by quite a few sources that at the 48 hour mark, you can be fairly certain that you have little to no traces of nicotine in your body, but all sources say that you can guarantee that at 72 hours, you definitely have no nicotine left in your body, at all. If my urine was tested against a non-smoker’s, a trained lab technician couldn't tell the difference.
Also, most sources I’ve read stated that the hours leading up to now are the hardest. My cravings, and difficulties aren’t over with, but I’ve more than likely experienced the worst parts of withdrawal. I’m quite elated at this.
You know, it took up until this point for me to finally post all of this to a public setting. I was so afraid of trying to do this, going public with it, and having my failure to be victorious shining all noticeably in front of everyone. Yet, here I am. I’ve pushed through the worst part of quitting, so why would I fear failure now? I already know I can do the hardest part because I have done it. Why let it all fall apart now?
I don’t want to say, “I’ve done it!” I don’t want to say that until about the 10 day mark. Most sources say it’s around that time that all your cigarette cravings, even the minor ones, go away. But I do feel comfortable in saying, “I am doing it!” I also feel comfortable in saying, “I will do it!”
You know what . . . maybe I will go to the post lounge tonight. I will have a beer or two, and I’ll sit outside on the patio. I won’t bum a cigarette though. I’ll just enjoy the night sky and a good brew. I’m not afraid of being around tobacco products anymore. I’m not afraid that I will cave in.
I got this.