Please excuse my beeper... I'm expecting a page from 1983.
So, it's been a hazy, gloomy day, so I've been inside watching a lot of Star Wars (thank you, HBO On Demand), and here are some thoughts.
WARNING: SPOILERS!!!! You know. If you've like, just woken up from a really long-term coma. (ETA: omg, that red blinking is so funny and super fucking annoying lol I totally need to use that more)
1. HAN SOLO. Seriously, is there any guy in the universe hotter than Han Fucking Solo? My ovaries exploding says no.
2. Yoda: WHAT A DICK. lol. seriously. I know everyone loves this guy, but his whole "do or not do/there is no try" attitude? TOTALLY DICK BEHAVIOR. lol, I'm just imagining if I had said shit like that to my students.
3. Isn't there some sort of weight requirement to be an X-Wing Fighter Pilot? Because I want to know how this tub of lard:
even gets off the ground.
4. Ewoks. JESUS CHRIST THE EWOKS. By far, the DUMBEST creatures in the Star Wars universe. And I'm including the Jar-Jar minstrel show in that comparison. I mean, come on, they know how to operate those speeder thingies and even know where the super-secret back entrance to the Imperial base is, but they think C3PO is a GOD. lol, WHATEVER.
5. BTW HOW IN LOVE ARE R2D2 AND C3PO? lol, I mean it's pretty obvious that C3PO is totally gay in that stereotypical way that Lucas makes all his characters stereotypical. But we can't forget that he's totally gay for our little blue astrotech droid. There's GOT to be TONS of internet porn featuring those two.
6. How funny is that guy in the beginning of Ep IV who's all "THE FORCE IS SO LAME AND SO ARE YOU" and Darth Vader is all OH NO YOU DIDN'T and is all CHOKE ON THAT BITCH lol omg SO FUNNY.
7. It's been like over 20 years and I'm STILL pissed about how lame Boba Fett's death scene was.
8. OMG when in Return of the Jedi Han and Leia are in the briefing scene and Luke walks in and is all "HEY WHAT'S UP" and the meeting becomes ALL ABOUT THEM, it's so fucking funny to me, like OMG THE COOL KIDS ARE HERE THE REST OF YOU CAN JUST WAIT UNTIL WE'RE DONE HOGGING THE SPOTLIGHT.
9. Chewbacca's hair gets progressively fuller and curlier as the movies progress. Clearly, he has made some wise styling choices in terms of product. Volumizing spray, perhaps?
10. BILLY. DEE. WILLIAMS.
Coming soon? My thoughts on other such topical subjects as: the Soviet Union's boycott of the 84 Olympics, my disappointment over how fucking stupid Twin Peaks got, and wondering what makes Russel Crowe so angry all the time.
And, BTW, WHO LEFT THIS COMMENT?!?!? PLEASE TELL ME IMMEDIATELY SO THAT I CAN SHOWER YOU WITH MY LOVE IN WHOLLY INAPPROPRIATE WAYS.
WARNING: SPOILERS!!!! You know. If you've like, just woken up from a really long-term coma. (ETA: omg, that red blinking is so funny and super fucking annoying lol I totally need to use that more)
1. HAN SOLO. Seriously, is there any guy in the universe hotter than Han Fucking Solo? My ovaries exploding says no.
2. Yoda: WHAT A DICK. lol. seriously. I know everyone loves this guy, but his whole "do or not do/there is no try" attitude? TOTALLY DICK BEHAVIOR. lol, I'm just imagining if I had said shit like that to my students.
3. Isn't there some sort of weight requirement to be an X-Wing Fighter Pilot? Because I want to know how this tub of lard:
even gets off the ground.
4. Ewoks. JESUS CHRIST THE EWOKS. By far, the DUMBEST creatures in the Star Wars universe. And I'm including the Jar-Jar minstrel show in that comparison. I mean, come on, they know how to operate those speeder thingies and even know where the super-secret back entrance to the Imperial base is, but they think C3PO is a GOD. lol, WHATEVER.
5. BTW HOW IN LOVE ARE R2D2 AND C3PO? lol, I mean it's pretty obvious that C3PO is totally gay in that stereotypical way that Lucas makes all his characters stereotypical. But we can't forget that he's totally gay for our little blue astrotech droid. There's GOT to be TONS of internet porn featuring those two.
6. How funny is that guy in the beginning of Ep IV who's all "THE FORCE IS SO LAME AND SO ARE YOU" and Darth Vader is all OH NO YOU DIDN'T and is all CHOKE ON THAT BITCH lol omg SO FUNNY.
7. It's been like over 20 years and I'm STILL pissed about how lame Boba Fett's death scene was.
8. OMG when in Return of the Jedi Han and Leia are in the briefing scene and Luke walks in and is all "HEY WHAT'S UP" and the meeting becomes ALL ABOUT THEM, it's so fucking funny to me, like OMG THE COOL KIDS ARE HERE THE REST OF YOU CAN JUST WAIT UNTIL WE'RE DONE HOGGING THE SPOTLIGHT.
9. Chewbacca's hair gets progressively fuller and curlier as the movies progress. Clearly, he has made some wise styling choices in terms of product. Volumizing spray, perhaps?
10. BILLY. DEE. WILLIAMS.
Coming soon? My thoughts on other such topical subjects as: the Soviet Union's boycott of the 84 Olympics, my disappointment over how fucking stupid Twin Peaks got, and wondering what makes Russel Crowe so angry all the time.
And, BTW, WHO LEFT THIS COMMENT?!?!? PLEASE TELL ME IMMEDIATELY SO THAT I CAN SHOWER YOU WITH MY LOVE IN WHOLLY INAPPROPRIATE WAYS.