(no subject)
“I may ot be walking with you all the way, or even much of the way, as I walk with you now. Don’t be angry with me if I am not there in person, alive and with you always. Do not feel sorry for me if I am gone. When we were together, I loved you deeply and you gave me so much happiness. I can never repay you, Whenever you feel sick at heart, and weary of life, or when you stumble and fall and don’t know if you can get up again, think of me. I will be watching and smiling and cheering you on”
I have always been adimate in being strong about my fathers death. Not one tear. I had to be strong for those around me. Not letting anyone know about the total and utter abandonment.
The second I was told about his death, I was no longer able to be a child. The world that was once a happy place transformed into something cold, dark, and unfamiliar. I couldn't cry, big girls don't cry. I sat in his favorite chair for about three days. Hoping that he would come back to it. How could he leave the earth without his favorite chair? Where would he watch his basketball games up in heaven? Shortly after that I realized that he was never coming back. Even for his favorite chair. Still, no tears.
But, in being strong about him has it weakened me in other areas? I find myself falling more for this man. But with falling in love comes complete dependancy. And with dependency comes inevetable loss. It all boils down to one question. Is the love worth the loss?
I have always been adimate in being strong about my fathers death. Not one tear. I had to be strong for those around me. Not letting anyone know about the total and utter abandonment.
The second I was told about his death, I was no longer able to be a child. The world that was once a happy place transformed into something cold, dark, and unfamiliar. I couldn't cry, big girls don't cry. I sat in his favorite chair for about three days. Hoping that he would come back to it. How could he leave the earth without his favorite chair? Where would he watch his basketball games up in heaven? Shortly after that I realized that he was never coming back. Even for his favorite chair. Still, no tears.
But, in being strong about him has it weakened me in other areas? I find myself falling more for this man. But with falling in love comes complete dependancy. And with dependency comes inevetable loss. It all boils down to one question. Is the love worth the loss?