Generalized seizures
Sitting in the doctor's office, it happened for a second time. I felt the unmistakable urge to grin, laugh aloud, somehow express sheer hilarity. It was as if my mind just couldn't comprehend that it was happening, that this was real. It had to be some sort of sick joke.
It wasn't. My seizure activity has gotten worse, and gotten to the point that I no longer have just focal point activity, meaning that it's very possible that those problems I had before were, in fact, grand mal seizures. And I could have more.
I have to keep telling myself sometimes that it's all right. It could be worse. I'm lucky to have my family and friends here to support me as much as they do. I'm lucky that I live on campus during the school year, that there's free public transportation, and that I have a job on campus.
My mom asked me once if I ever get angry, that I think it isn't fair that this should happen to me, and that I have to be the one putting up with endless rounds of doctors, medicine changes, and tests. No, I can't be angry. Not when other people have so much worse and less than I do. Maybe it's not fair that anyone should have to deal with anything, and maybe I do deserve some righteous WHY ME cries, but it won't help anything.
It wasn't. My seizure activity has gotten worse, and gotten to the point that I no longer have just focal point activity, meaning that it's very possible that those problems I had before were, in fact, grand mal seizures. And I could have more.
I have to keep telling myself sometimes that it's all right. It could be worse. I'm lucky to have my family and friends here to support me as much as they do. I'm lucky that I live on campus during the school year, that there's free public transportation, and that I have a job on campus.
My mom asked me once if I ever get angry, that I think it isn't fair that this should happen to me, and that I have to be the one putting up with endless rounds of doctors, medicine changes, and tests. No, I can't be angry. Not when other people have so much worse and less than I do. Maybe it's not fair that anyone should have to deal with anything, and maybe I do deserve some righteous WHY ME cries, but it won't help anything.