i'm really changed
I got back from church camp yesterday and i cant tell you how much good it did for me. at first i wasnt sure that it had but i thought about it and all of the things that i learned and the people that i was with and it was awesome! i know that i have made a lot of mistakes in my life and i know that a lot of people, if i told them that i was different, would be like "no you're not" "yea! thats funny!" and just think that its impossible but its not. like now...i'm so proud to be a christian and i want people to know that! i want to be an example to people for God. i mean i dont want to be the reason that people never accept God. i want to show Him through my life. most of my friends at least say that they believe in God but if i meet some one that doesnt i may be the only light they ever see and i want to be that and i dont want to not be able to help them. i want to have a positive impact on people's lives and if i dont then i'm sorry and i'll probably pay for it later but i want to and its far more important to me than anything else. i know that i run the chance of losing friends over it but thats their loss and if they are gonna bring me down then its ok if they're gone. but i mean, i was around people that are just so on fire for God and its absolutely amazing and i want to have that same zeal for it! i think a lot of us take things for granted like when things are going good and all and i realized that you cant do that b/c its all God. Whether you know it or not you have people praying for you and i saw that b/c my youth leader prays for you whether he knows you or not. and so do i. most people think that they are just having too much fun the way they are going now and all but i met people that i had so much fun with and just had good clean fun that wasnt the least bit unacceptable. and it was probably more fun than i've had in a while! i dont want anymore to be accepted by all the people that i thought mattered and i dont want people to have negative oppinions of me b/c i'm not strong enough to say no to temptations and b/c i do things that i know are wrong.
i met a guy this week that was like the most awesome guy ever! he was like the perfect guy. and i know that i have said how all guys are the same but now i'm telling you there are good guys out there and i met one! but he was great! i'm no longer unsure of what i want! this sounds really weird but i want to marry a guy just like him! right now he's a little old b/c he's almost 18 but he has a great walk with God, he was funny, good looking!, i could go on forever and tell you stories but he is so great. and also other than him being the example of what i want someday, as a christian i look up to him. he is such an awesome guy and he is not ashamed of what he believes in and you can tell that he isnt one of those people that is hypocritical about it at all. like when he goes home he's gonna be the same as he was at camp with a bunch of other christians. while i was talking to him yesterday morning he was just talking about how he has always been a leader and that he knows that its a gift from God and there is someway that God is gonna use him with that. and i was thinking and i want that too...i dont want to follow everyone else and do stuff just b/c everyone else is. you have no idea how awesome he is and i hold him high on a level of respect and think very highly of him. i mean, he is the sweetest guy ever! he's good looking! i think that any girl would want to have him and yet he is still a virgin! i know it wouldnt be hard for him to lose it but he's gonna wait and he doesnt follow other people and do it b/c they do and it would make him look good! he also has never smoked or drank...not even tried it! that is absolutely amazing i think!
most people know about how me and CJ have kinda had a think goin for a while and i cant say no to him for my life! and i have said before that things will change and that i'm not interested but just meeting this guy...and by the way his name is Aaron...i know that there are better guys out there. its just a matter of finding him. but i know that it isnt CJ and i know that me and CJ wont ever have a thing again! i used to think that he was about the best i could do b/c i thought that all guys are the same and there wouldnt be anyone better but this week has changed all that and it may not be Aaron but its definitely not CJ. he is the farthest thing from what i want! and i know that i have just told you that and it leaves it open to say whatever you want to about it but please dont go and tell him all this stuff b/c i want to tell him myself. and now that i have gotten that out i have all the people that read this to hold me accountable to this and if i dont follow it then talk to me about it and i want the be held to it. i'm gonna do it this time. i know what i want and i know its out there. i dont need someone to ruin it for me and to waste my time when i could be with that someone God has for me. i'm waiting for him and i'm gonna try to stay pure and not fall for guys that wont matter 5 or 10 years from now.
i'm now more determined than ever to be a stronger Christian and stand up for what i believe in. i want the best God has for me and at any cost i will have it. i'm gonna be the best i can be and all of the stupid things in my past arent me anymore. everyone is always trying to be different but in reality everyone is being different in the same way together. but i'm gonna stand out b/c how many people do you know that try to do whats right and if they shouldnt do something even if they want to will actually say no? not many. i'm gonna be a light in he dark and i want to change someone's life for their benefit. this week has been the biggest reality smack in the face. i regret all of the things that i have done that i shouldnt have more than ever now. i regret even comtemplating doing some things when i knew i shouldnt and only wanted to do b/c everyone else was going to. and i always get mad at my parents for not letting me do things with my friends but i'm really so thankfull b/c i could have gotten into so much trouble with them and i know that God was talking to them and telling them that it wasnt the best idea and that i could be put in a situation i couldnt handle. and they may never read this and i may never tell them this but i love them and thank them for saying no to me so many times! and for all the things that i have done i know that i am forgiven and that all of my sins are covered and if i repent then God will throw them away as far as the east is from the west. and i no longer have to live with that guilt.
i know that i cant promise to be perfect but i will try to be the best i can. and i have faith in myself and God. with God all things are possible! and i trust that things will be better. i'm not the same and it may sound unbelievable but even just a few days can change someone b/c i have seen others in camp that have changed and are gonna try to do better. so its not just me and that in itself is an encouragement to me and in my life. i dont want to waste my life away doing things that arent going to help me or any one else. i want to live a life glorifying to God so that i can have the best that God has for me and so that i may have an impact on someone elses life or even lives!
i met a guy this week that was like the most awesome guy ever! he was like the perfect guy. and i know that i have said how all guys are the same but now i'm telling you there are good guys out there and i met one! but he was great! i'm no longer unsure of what i want! this sounds really weird but i want to marry a guy just like him! right now he's a little old b/c he's almost 18 but he has a great walk with God, he was funny, good looking!, i could go on forever and tell you stories but he is so great. and also other than him being the example of what i want someday, as a christian i look up to him. he is such an awesome guy and he is not ashamed of what he believes in and you can tell that he isnt one of those people that is hypocritical about it at all. like when he goes home he's gonna be the same as he was at camp with a bunch of other christians. while i was talking to him yesterday morning he was just talking about how he has always been a leader and that he knows that its a gift from God and there is someway that God is gonna use him with that. and i was thinking and i want that too...i dont want to follow everyone else and do stuff just b/c everyone else is. you have no idea how awesome he is and i hold him high on a level of respect and think very highly of him. i mean, he is the sweetest guy ever! he's good looking! i think that any girl would want to have him and yet he is still a virgin! i know it wouldnt be hard for him to lose it but he's gonna wait and he doesnt follow other people and do it b/c they do and it would make him look good! he also has never smoked or drank...not even tried it! that is absolutely amazing i think!
most people know about how me and CJ have kinda had a think goin for a while and i cant say no to him for my life! and i have said before that things will change and that i'm not interested but just meeting this guy...and by the way his name is Aaron...i know that there are better guys out there. its just a matter of finding him. but i know that it isnt CJ and i know that me and CJ wont ever have a thing again! i used to think that he was about the best i could do b/c i thought that all guys are the same and there wouldnt be anyone better but this week has changed all that and it may not be Aaron but its definitely not CJ. he is the farthest thing from what i want! and i know that i have just told you that and it leaves it open to say whatever you want to about it but please dont go and tell him all this stuff b/c i want to tell him myself. and now that i have gotten that out i have all the people that read this to hold me accountable to this and if i dont follow it then talk to me about it and i want the be held to it. i'm gonna do it this time. i know what i want and i know its out there. i dont need someone to ruin it for me and to waste my time when i could be with that someone God has for me. i'm waiting for him and i'm gonna try to stay pure and not fall for guys that wont matter 5 or 10 years from now.
i'm now more determined than ever to be a stronger Christian and stand up for what i believe in. i want the best God has for me and at any cost i will have it. i'm gonna be the best i can be and all of the stupid things in my past arent me anymore. everyone is always trying to be different but in reality everyone is being different in the same way together. but i'm gonna stand out b/c how many people do you know that try to do whats right and if they shouldnt do something even if they want to will actually say no? not many. i'm gonna be a light in he dark and i want to change someone's life for their benefit. this week has been the biggest reality smack in the face. i regret all of the things that i have done that i shouldnt have more than ever now. i regret even comtemplating doing some things when i knew i shouldnt and only wanted to do b/c everyone else was going to. and i always get mad at my parents for not letting me do things with my friends but i'm really so thankfull b/c i could have gotten into so much trouble with them and i know that God was talking to them and telling them that it wasnt the best idea and that i could be put in a situation i couldnt handle. and they may never read this and i may never tell them this but i love them and thank them for saying no to me so many times! and for all the things that i have done i know that i am forgiven and that all of my sins are covered and if i repent then God will throw them away as far as the east is from the west. and i no longer have to live with that guilt.
i know that i cant promise to be perfect but i will try to be the best i can. and i have faith in myself and God. with God all things are possible! and i trust that things will be better. i'm not the same and it may sound unbelievable but even just a few days can change someone b/c i have seen others in camp that have changed and are gonna try to do better. so its not just me and that in itself is an encouragement to me and in my life. i dont want to waste my life away doing things that arent going to help me or any one else. i want to live a life glorifying to God so that i can have the best that God has for me and so that i may have an impact on someone elses life or even lives!