(no subject)
i don't understand how it is possible for someone to be happy for so long, and then bam, it feels like the world is going to crash. because i am really uber depressed right now and quite frankly i don't know why. tonight was weird, it wasn't that great but i still had a good time. and on the way home christine and i were talking about it, and it just brought back memories. and it brought back bad times. and i was fine, until about five minutes ago when i got really depressed. i'm sure i'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and be fine, but right now i'm not and since i haven't felt like this in such a long time, i don't know what to do about it. i miss things. i miss certain things about my past that i don't know why i miss. i miss people at NA. i miss my brother...who i never got along with but i never see and i would rather see him and not get along with him than not see him at all. i miss billinda and our friendship, i miss carroll, i miss mr laws (don't know where that came from, but i do.) i mean, i could actually talk to him... i miss my dad.. &i miss courtney. what happened? we were such good friends and now we NEVER talk. don't even exchange a weekly hello, not even a monthly one. and it's just weird, because i love my friends that i have now, but i still miss my old ones.
i wish i could meet a guy and be happy with him. but it just doesn't work out that way. i am a really flirty person, and i am open to admit that, but i really do want to fall in love. which sounds so stupid, but i want someone to love me. and for me to be able to feel the same way about that person.... i broke up with paul again today. that sounds so bad... again. it was so stupid too. he called me and he was like, i'm not even mad about it, just a little embarassed that you did it twice. so i was like, i don't care tell people that you broke up with me for chrissake! and he was like, can i just tell people that it was a neutral agreement. i was like, first of all dumbass... it's mutual... then i was like, yeah whatever i don't even care. then at youth group tonight he nailed me in the forehead with a brownie. and when we went to judsons and we drove to find kyles phone, once we got back i was like paul get out... just joking around and he goes "elizabeth stop being such a fucking bitch" and he said it realllly mean. so i got pissed. and he was like, aw i was joking why are you getting so fucking mad. yeah paul, you were joking...MY ASS! your best friend told me that you said you weren't joking you little faggot! god i get so stressed out so easily! it made me so mad.
so after that christine and paul and judson sat in my car so i went and played basketball with kyle, and we played against nick and travis. and nick is pretty cool. christine thinks kyle and nick like me. i'm tired of guys. i honestly am. they are so confusing. i could never like kyle because i know what he is after, and just knowing how much of a horny little boy he is... that's a total turn off. i don't know about nick, he's pretty cool but i just wanna fly solo for a little while. until like, next year.
jeez i am so exhausted. i guess i'm gonna go to bed now. farewell...-
i wish i could meet a guy and be happy with him. but it just doesn't work out that way. i am a really flirty person, and i am open to admit that, but i really do want to fall in love. which sounds so stupid, but i want someone to love me. and for me to be able to feel the same way about that person.... i broke up with paul again today. that sounds so bad... again. it was so stupid too. he called me and he was like, i'm not even mad about it, just a little embarassed that you did it twice. so i was like, i don't care tell people that you broke up with me for chrissake! and he was like, can i just tell people that it was a neutral agreement. i was like, first of all dumbass... it's mutual... then i was like, yeah whatever i don't even care. then at youth group tonight he nailed me in the forehead with a brownie. and when we went to judsons and we drove to find kyles phone, once we got back i was like paul get out... just joking around and he goes "elizabeth stop being such a fucking bitch" and he said it realllly mean. so i got pissed. and he was like, aw i was joking why are you getting so fucking mad. yeah paul, you were joking...MY ASS! your best friend told me that you said you weren't joking you little faggot! god i get so stressed out so easily! it made me so mad.
so after that christine and paul and judson sat in my car so i went and played basketball with kyle, and we played against nick and travis. and nick is pretty cool. christine thinks kyle and nick like me. i'm tired of guys. i honestly am. they are so confusing. i could never like kyle because i know what he is after, and just knowing how much of a horny little boy he is... that's a total turn off. i don't know about nick, he's pretty cool but i just wanna fly solo for a little while. until like, next year.
jeez i am so exhausted. i guess i'm gonna go to bed now. farewell...-