fic: come in closer (i want you to) [13/13]
okay, first of all, before you read this final chapter, i want to say a few things.
i struggled, i struggled a lot with completing this. the main reason i have taken so long with this is because the original plot i was going to write (which i didn't end up using) was going to be a lot longer than what i've written here, and that kept putting me off. if you follow me in on tumblr, you'll be aware that i've sort of... well, things have happened and there's another fandom which is taking up a lot of my time now. i don't apologise for that, really, because i love my fandom, and i loved the TSN fandom and i felt guilty, i felt very very guilty, but, i've come to accept change. and really - i started writing this post to tell you all that i'd pretty much abandoned the story. i was going to post what little i'd written of this chapter and then tell you what i thought would happen in the rest of the story, me, too guilty and distant from the TSN fandom to continue writing the plot i'd originally thought i'd write.
however. isn't it funny? i opened up the half written chapter to paste it here and sort of went "i'll just add a little bit more, just to make it a little more complete" and then i ended up writing an ending. it's not how i originally planned the story to go, - not at all. but i think it's better this way, and i hope you'll feel satisfied with it. i'm sorry if things seem a little - off. it's been months and i haven't read any TSN fic for a while, now. but i'm satisfied. this is the happy ending that andrew deserves - because honestly, jesse takes a while to build the courage to admit things, doesn't he?
also after the story ends, after school ends and they're on summer break, jesse takes andrew to his family's ranch and they go horse riding ♥
anyway, thank you everyone, so much. i can't begin to express how thankful i am to have had all of you. we didn't quite hit our 100k, but that's alright :) it's been nearly 6 or so months since i started this - which i cannot believe - but finally, the boys have their happy ending, despite it being pushed forward a little.
so again.
thank you.
Chapter: xiii: good life - onerepublic/this is gonna be a good life
Word count: 2700
Soundtrack: OneRepublic's Good Life.
At AO3
When Jesse’s eyes blink open the next morning Andrew is still in his arms and that’s definitely a good thing, right?
Andrew is still asleep, head dipped slightly with his chin tucked onto his chest. His eyes are squeezed shut, and there are small creases in the corners. Jesse’s seen those creases before, those wrinkles, but generally it’s because Andrew’s face has lit up and he’s smiling, his eyes squinting as he throws his head back and laughs at the horribly unfunny joke Jesse told just moments before. But Andrew is not awake and he is not laughing and he is asleep with his eyes squeezed shut. There is a twisting in Jesse’s gut and he pats at Andrew’s face, trying to smooth out the worry lines, but Andrew just ends up squeezing his eyes tighter, mumbling incoherency.
(please be okay)
Jesse tries another tactic, edging his face down so he can leave dry kisses across Andrew’s nose. His eyes are too close to focus so Jesse only feels the fluttering of eyelashes against his own. Suddenly, there are two very large brown eyes staring at him. At least, Jesse thinks Andrew is staring. Though the morning light has found its way into the room and to the edges of Jesse’s vision, it is a messy gray in the space between Jesse and Andrew.
(is everything okay?)
“I - um - ‘morning.” Jesse whispers his first words for the day, afraid if he’s any louder he’ll startle his boyfriend.
And he doesn’t want that. Not after -
(four months)
- what happened last night.
Andrew draws back slowly, just enough so Jesse’s eyes can focus on the face before him. Just enough so Jesse can focus on the smile on Andrew’s face.
Huh.
Well.
“You make me happy…”
Jesse blinks and tries to say I do? but Andrew continues.
“…when skies are gray…”
Andrew’s voice is slightly gruff, fresh in the morning, and Jesse continues to blink like there’s something stuck in his eye.
(what?)
And Andrew actually chuckles, murmuring, “Even if my eyes weren’t open right now, I’d be able to tell you were confused.”
(relief?)
Jesse rolls his shoulders back and stretches feeling back into the arm that had been wrapped around Andrew the entire night.
“How?”
Andrew smiles lazily and shifts so a leg falls over Jesse’s under the covers.
“Don’t know. Guess I could smell it.”
“Isn’t that a little weird?” Jesse asks carefully, still slightly unsure of where they stand and what’s happening at the moment and why Andrew is acting like nothing is wrong even though last night Jesse clearly fucked up and -
“Stop it. I can hear you thinking so loudly you’re making my head hurt and it’s still morning.”
Jesse tries not to reply back with an apology, because he tells Andrew to stop saying sorry enough that he should be able to follow his own instructions. He has to say something though, so as eloquently and masterfully as he can, he blurts out, “About last night - ”
Andrew shakes his head and immediately shushes him, placing a delicate finger over Jesse’s lips.
“Last night was a mistake.”
(fuck)
Jesse’s eyes widen and, yes, that’s right, he is the biggest fuckhead in the entire world and he was the one who suggested having sex and it was obvious right from the get-go that Andrew was uncomfortable and they should have waited for longer than just four months and fucking JT getting his numbers wrong, clearly four months is too soon -
Andrew wets his lips and, still with shining eyes, murmurs, “I’m sorry I couldn’t do it, next time I’ll be better, I promise.”
(what!)
Jesse’s thoughts fly out the window, along with his ability to speak, apparently, because he starts spluttering. Andrew’s finger disappears from Jesse’s lips and reappears where he can’t see it, pressing against his neck like Andrew is trying to discern whether Jesse’s agitation is good or bad.
(i’ll be better?)
(i promise?)
(what?)
(what!)
Jesse lets an unnecessary amount of dribble escape from his mouth as he manages, “I’m the one who should be apologising!”
Andrew tries to shake his head but Jesse presses himself so he is flush against Andrew, whispering, “I’m sorry for pushing you, I shouldn’t have.”
“No, Jess - ”
“No nothing. You were uncomfortable, I was uncomfortable, we should have stopped but don’t apologise because you think you failed me somehow.”
Jesse wipes his mouth, feeling a little silly, but Andrew kisses him on the lips anyway, probably an attempt to quieten Jesse down, but when he pulls back, Jesse continues muttering.
“…should have stopped and it’s my fault and I know we’re supposed to not say sorry all the time but I’m so sorry, I’m sorry sorry sorry that I fucked up and I’m your boyfriend but I can’t even treat you - ”
“Jesse, it’s okay.”
“ - and I know you want to tell people and I know that I don’t know what I’m doing and Andrew you’re so perfect - ”
Andrew kisses him again, with the sole purpose of shutting Jesse up. Jesse tries to pull back to further explain himself, but Andrew’s hand snakes around Jesse’s neck and tugs at the curls there. Jesse groans, but his mind still spins with half-formed thoughts.
Sex is something you do in a relationship
(yes)
so Jesse thought that that was the next step for him and Andrew,
(right?)
but he miscalculated, clearly
(clearly)
and there’s still that problem of when they’re going to tell people,
(fuck)
will they ever tell people? Or will Jesse and Andrew grow up without anyone but Kerri and Hallie Kate and Joe and Patrick having any inkling that Jesse thinks he loves a boy but he can’t -
“Jesse, please, your thinking is tiring.”
Andrew is nosing at his cheek, now,
(when did he ever pull away?)
and Jesse is momentarily stunned at the contact. When Andrew looks up at him through his eyelashes, Jesse remembers that moment months ago, the first time they kissed, when everything was still for a few seconds, and Andrew had the most wonderful eyelashes Jesse had - has - ever seen and all he wanted to do was touch them.
The next few minutes are quiet and Jesse’s heart ceases its racing, beating on at a steady trot instead.
“All right, now?”
Andrew kisses Jesse once more, briefly, on the nose, and then rolls away to stand up to stretch his limbs properly. Jesse just stares at the boy, still feeling a little stunned.
(love)
(no idea what i’m doing)
(love)
(love)
Andrew is gloriously naked and Jesse doesn’t understand how such a beautiful person happened to grace his life.
(but he has)
(accept it)
So apparently Jesse didn’t fuck up as much as he thought he did, because morning dust is dancing around Andrew’s shoulders and Andrew is laughing happily.
Wait what?
“Why are you laughing?”
Jesse’s voice is hoarse after his little spout of uncertainty.
“You called me perfect!”
Andrew digs through his underwear drawer until he pulls out a pair of briefs and steps into them. He straightens, smiling at Jesse.
“And that’s funny?”
Andrew continues smiling as he moves back to the bed, opting to sit on top of the covers instead of slipping back underneath them.
“Well I suppose not! But it delighted me, that’s all.”
Jesse frowns, trying to makes sense of Andrew’s good mood.
“Andrew, I violated you last night.”
He sits up in time to see Andrew’s face fall. He furrows his brow, but he doesn’t look entirely upset.
Jesse wonders why.
“What?” Andrew turns his head to look at Jesse properly.
(what)
This conversation is not going quite as Jesse expected. In fact, when Andrew shuffles closer to lean his head against Jesse’s shoulder, Jesse thinks that this whole morning after thing is turning out really weirdly. It’s never like this in the movies Emma makes him watch.
(what is he doing…?)
Andrew’s hand slides over Jesse’s lap to where Jesse’s own hand is lying limp. He watches as Andrew begins playing with his fingers.
“I’m okay, honestly, Jess.”
(okay?)
(okay)
He tilts his head up and Jesse smiles, pushing Andrew back down as he does so. He climbs over and lets himself flop onto Andrew’s body, pressing a kiss to the underside of Andrew’s chin, and then moving up to kiss Andrew properly. Andrew just smirks, lazily moving his hands around Jesse’s shoulder blades, to the dip in between them.
“We good, now?” Andrew murmurs.
Jesse stares at Andrew. Andrew’s eyes glint back at him and Jesse -
oh.
Andrew’s hands have wandered down to rest on Jesse’s ass.
He raises an eyebrow, and his lips creep up into a smirk, as he slowly pushes back against where Andrew is cupping him.
(this is easy)
(this is okay)
They kiss, easily, so easily now, and as they do so, Jesse repeats over and over, I trust you, I trust you, we’re okay and Andrew responds with me too. Jesse brushes his lips over Andrew’s forehead and Andrew whispers, “You didn’t violate me - god, Jess - don’t say it like that. We can try, we can try again, can’t we?”
Jesse pulls back to look at Andrew properly, suddenly aware that he can hear Roger downstairs clattering around in the kitchen.
“You want to try again?”
Andrew blinks slowly and nods.
“Yes - yeah. Not now, um, but - in the future? Maybe not next weekend but - ”
“ - yeah, no, totally, of course, yes, yes, longer than four months, maybe at six months - ”
And Andrew laughs, abruptly, so abruptly that Jesse rolls off him in surprise.
(what?)
“Andrew?”
Andrew rolls over and flings an arm over Jesse, still laughing to himself, like, what, did Jesse just accidentally allude to an inside joke he didn’t realize they had, or…?
Jesse frowns and moves to get off the bed, but Andrew stops him, trying to calm his laughter down, murmuring, “Sorry, sorry! No, Jess, don’t go.”
“Why are you laughing?” Jesse asks. Truth be told, it’s a little disconcerting if people are laughing at what he said and he wasn’t actually trying to be funny. Like now.
“Oh - you said - four months. Jess, did you - six - oh, Jess. You’ve been talking to JT, haven’t you?”
Jesse’s frown deepens. Well, okay, um -
“Yes?”
Andrew grins, throwing himself over Jesse to smack a loud kiss on his cheek. He buries his face in Jesse’s bare shoulder, murmuring silly things like oh my darling and you’re so cute and should have just told me.
“Told you what?”
This whole morning after thing is definitely not going the way he thought it would.
Now Andrew pulls back, searching Jesse’s face for something Jesse’s not quite sure is there.
“That you’d - never mind. It doesn’t matter. Except - the whole ‘four to six months’ business. Jess, let’s just have sex when it’s right for us, don’t - Jess I think I love you.”
He doesn’t wait for a response, instead, throws himself off the bed and starts to hurriedly dress himself in yesterday’s clothes.
“Yes, yes - Jesse, guess what! I love you. Like - you know how couples love each other? I love you and hey, I’m willing to wait forever for you - I love you as my best friend and as my boyfriend and we’re going to have sex when you’re ready and I’m ready and don’t - there’s no rights or wrongs in how we go about this, alright?”
(o - )
Jesse squeaks.
( - kay)
Andrew continues.
“I’ve been so stupid, you know. We’ve been so stupid. Here I am, trying to please you - last night I got so nervous but you wanted to do this and I really wanted to, Jess, I did! It just - fuck, I was nervous. And - ”
He hops around on one foot, pulling up a sock.
“ - you were too, but I thought I fucked up when I couldn’t go through with it, and then you thought you fucked up when I got upset and I was upset ‘cause I thought I’d upset you and it was all - Jess, it doesn’t matter.”
Jesse gets out of bed, not taking his eyes off Andrew. Andrew is beautiful and frazzled, wearing one sock and a gigantic smile, eyes shining and all. Jesse is shirtless and a little bit dazed, because -
“You love me?”
(love)
(like)
(yes)
(andrew)
(andrew!)
And Andrew nods, frantically, quickly, excitedly.
“I’m sorry if that was too soon, oh god I just blurted it out, but - I do. And as I said, I’m willing to wait for you. I think - I’m ready, Jess, to tell people. All I want to do is go downstairs and announce it to Uncle Roger and then help him with breakfast, like it’s no big deal, because to me, it is no big deal. But if you want to wait, I’ll wait, too, so long as you can promise me that eventually - eventually I can hold your hand in public and not worry about upsetting you.”
(maybe)
(i - )
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
(yes)
(because with andrew - love - with andrew)
Jesse takes a shaky step forward. He remembers the first time he saw Andrew, the first time he talked to him at Rob’s party, when Andrew had tried to follow him home. The first time he’d gone over to Andrew’s house, and then - their first kiss. And how Jesse had been an idiot and a coward and there was that month or so, of just - ignoring that it’d happened. But Jesse remembers his conversation - his many conversations - with Joe and there was that instance at Kristen’s and then - New Year.
Andrew’s grin gets wider and Jesse takes a breath, still, remembering. Remember the pool and the many times in the change room and when Hallie Kate caught them sleeping in bed? Remember school and lunchtimes and Kristen - god, she’s probably guessed - and -
“Hey, Jess.”
Jesse looks up. Andrew is standing right before him, and Jesse carefully puts his arms around his neck, pressing up against him slightly.
“Hi,” Jesse murmurs.
(love)
Well, it’s now or never, Jesse supposes.
“Are you okay? I didn’t scare you, did I?” Andrew looks worried for a second, and Jesse rolls his eyes playfully, to which Andrew pretends to huff. He rests his hands on the small of Jesse’s back, though, and smiles down.
(now)
(or)
(never)
“Andrew, I - ”
(now)
(do it)
“ - think I - I mean I know I - “
Roger calls from downstairs, boys! Breakfast! Jenny chimes in, laughing happily, her voice a lot closer than Roger’s. To Jesse’s surprise, however, he doesn’t shy away, rather, wants to yell back we’re having a moment, be down soon!
He doesn’t, though, instead he takes a deep breath, accepting all the insecurity and doubt he’d felt in the past - the past being up to half an hour ago - but also accepting this urge to say -
“ - I love you too.”
Andrew positively beams, and Jesse is overcome with the wildest feeling of safety and you know what, you know what, Jesse Eisenberg you know what?
“Also, Andrew, I’ve - I’ve been an idiot, too. Let’s - you know what? You know Mariah’s, tonight? How bout we - let’s - hold my hand when we’re there?”
If Jesse and Andrew’s friends had been here, to experience this moment, the following would have probably happened:
JT would have fist pumped the air, and Kristen would have hit him, with a smile threatening to take over her face. Emma would have squealed and Joe would have started laughing with happiness, Armie grinning like a wildman, too. Carey would have leaned against Matt, pride buzzing around inside both of them, and Rob would have probably thrown himself at the pair, insisting on a group hug.
But as it turns out, no one is there with Jesse, except Andrew - beautiful, golden, spectacular, ridiculous, absolutely perfect boyfriend of an Andrew - and Jesse is the sole witness to the joy that crosses over Andrew’s face.
“Seriously?”
Jesse nods, confident. Andrew immediately ducks down and presses his lips to Jesse's, wrapping his arms around Jesse's back and tightening his grasp, as if to never let go. And Jesse?
Well.
Jesse just pulls him closer.
i struggled, i struggled a lot with completing this. the main reason i have taken so long with this is because the original plot i was going to write (which i didn't end up using) was going to be a lot longer than what i've written here, and that kept putting me off. if you follow me in on tumblr, you'll be aware that i've sort of... well, things have happened and there's another fandom which is taking up a lot of my time now. i don't apologise for that, really, because i love my fandom, and i loved the TSN fandom and i felt guilty, i felt very very guilty, but, i've come to accept change. and really - i started writing this post to tell you all that i'd pretty much abandoned the story. i was going to post what little i'd written of this chapter and then tell you what i thought would happen in the rest of the story, me, too guilty and distant from the TSN fandom to continue writing the plot i'd originally thought i'd write.
however. isn't it funny? i opened up the half written chapter to paste it here and sort of went "i'll just add a little bit more, just to make it a little more complete" and then i ended up writing an ending. it's not how i originally planned the story to go, - not at all. but i think it's better this way, and i hope you'll feel satisfied with it. i'm sorry if things seem a little - off. it's been months and i haven't read any TSN fic for a while, now. but i'm satisfied. this is the happy ending that andrew deserves - because honestly, jesse takes a while to build the courage to admit things, doesn't he?
also after the story ends, after school ends and they're on summer break, jesse takes andrew to his family's ranch and they go horse riding ♥
anyway, thank you everyone, so much. i can't begin to express how thankful i am to have had all of you. we didn't quite hit our 100k, but that's alright :) it's been nearly 6 or so months since i started this - which i cannot believe - but finally, the boys have their happy ending, despite it being pushed forward a little.
so again.
thank you.
Chapter: xiii: good life - onerepublic/this is gonna be a good life
Word count: 2700
Soundtrack: OneRepublic's Good Life.
At AO3
When Jesse’s eyes blink open the next morning Andrew is still in his arms and that’s definitely a good thing, right?
Andrew is still asleep, head dipped slightly with his chin tucked onto his chest. His eyes are squeezed shut, and there are small creases in the corners. Jesse’s seen those creases before, those wrinkles, but generally it’s because Andrew’s face has lit up and he’s smiling, his eyes squinting as he throws his head back and laughs at the horribly unfunny joke Jesse told just moments before. But Andrew is not awake and he is not laughing and he is asleep with his eyes squeezed shut. There is a twisting in Jesse’s gut and he pats at Andrew’s face, trying to smooth out the worry lines, but Andrew just ends up squeezing his eyes tighter, mumbling incoherency.
(please be okay)
Jesse tries another tactic, edging his face down so he can leave dry kisses across Andrew’s nose. His eyes are too close to focus so Jesse only feels the fluttering of eyelashes against his own. Suddenly, there are two very large brown eyes staring at him. At least, Jesse thinks Andrew is staring. Though the morning light has found its way into the room and to the edges of Jesse’s vision, it is a messy gray in the space between Jesse and Andrew.
(is everything okay?)
“I - um - ‘morning.” Jesse whispers his first words for the day, afraid if he’s any louder he’ll startle his boyfriend.
And he doesn’t want that. Not after -
(four months)
- what happened last night.
Andrew draws back slowly, just enough so Jesse’s eyes can focus on the face before him. Just enough so Jesse can focus on the smile on Andrew’s face.
Huh.
Well.
“You make me happy…”
Jesse blinks and tries to say I do? but Andrew continues.
“…when skies are gray…”
Andrew’s voice is slightly gruff, fresh in the morning, and Jesse continues to blink like there’s something stuck in his eye.
(what?)
And Andrew actually chuckles, murmuring, “Even if my eyes weren’t open right now, I’d be able to tell you were confused.”
(relief?)
Jesse rolls his shoulders back and stretches feeling back into the arm that had been wrapped around Andrew the entire night.
“How?”
Andrew smiles lazily and shifts so a leg falls over Jesse’s under the covers.
“Don’t know. Guess I could smell it.”
“Isn’t that a little weird?” Jesse asks carefully, still slightly unsure of where they stand and what’s happening at the moment and why Andrew is acting like nothing is wrong even though last night Jesse clearly fucked up and -
“Stop it. I can hear you thinking so loudly you’re making my head hurt and it’s still morning.”
Jesse tries not to reply back with an apology, because he tells Andrew to stop saying sorry enough that he should be able to follow his own instructions. He has to say something though, so as eloquently and masterfully as he can, he blurts out, “About last night - ”
Andrew shakes his head and immediately shushes him, placing a delicate finger over Jesse’s lips.
“Last night was a mistake.”
(fuck)
Jesse’s eyes widen and, yes, that’s right, he is the biggest fuckhead in the entire world and he was the one who suggested having sex and it was obvious right from the get-go that Andrew was uncomfortable and they should have waited for longer than just four months and fucking JT getting his numbers wrong, clearly four months is too soon -
Andrew wets his lips and, still with shining eyes, murmurs, “I’m sorry I couldn’t do it, next time I’ll be better, I promise.”
(what!)
Jesse’s thoughts fly out the window, along with his ability to speak, apparently, because he starts spluttering. Andrew’s finger disappears from Jesse’s lips and reappears where he can’t see it, pressing against his neck like Andrew is trying to discern whether Jesse’s agitation is good or bad.
(i’ll be better?)
(i promise?)
(what?)
(what!)
Jesse lets an unnecessary amount of dribble escape from his mouth as he manages, “I’m the one who should be apologising!”
Andrew tries to shake his head but Jesse presses himself so he is flush against Andrew, whispering, “I’m sorry for pushing you, I shouldn’t have.”
“No, Jess - ”
“No nothing. You were uncomfortable, I was uncomfortable, we should have stopped but don’t apologise because you think you failed me somehow.”
Jesse wipes his mouth, feeling a little silly, but Andrew kisses him on the lips anyway, probably an attempt to quieten Jesse down, but when he pulls back, Jesse continues muttering.
“…should have stopped and it’s my fault and I know we’re supposed to not say sorry all the time but I’m so sorry, I’m sorry sorry sorry that I fucked up and I’m your boyfriend but I can’t even treat you - ”
“Jesse, it’s okay.”
“ - and I know you want to tell people and I know that I don’t know what I’m doing and Andrew you’re so perfect - ”
Andrew kisses him again, with the sole purpose of shutting Jesse up. Jesse tries to pull back to further explain himself, but Andrew’s hand snakes around Jesse’s neck and tugs at the curls there. Jesse groans, but his mind still spins with half-formed thoughts.
Sex is something you do in a relationship
(yes)
so Jesse thought that that was the next step for him and Andrew,
(right?)
but he miscalculated, clearly
(clearly)
and there’s still that problem of when they’re going to tell people,
(fuck)
will they ever tell people? Or will Jesse and Andrew grow up without anyone but Kerri and Hallie Kate and Joe and Patrick having any inkling that Jesse thinks he loves a boy but he can’t -
“Jesse, please, your thinking is tiring.”
Andrew is nosing at his cheek, now,
(when did he ever pull away?)
and Jesse is momentarily stunned at the contact. When Andrew looks up at him through his eyelashes, Jesse remembers that moment months ago, the first time they kissed, when everything was still for a few seconds, and Andrew had the most wonderful eyelashes Jesse had - has - ever seen and all he wanted to do was touch them.
The next few minutes are quiet and Jesse’s heart ceases its racing, beating on at a steady trot instead.
“All right, now?”
Andrew kisses Jesse once more, briefly, on the nose, and then rolls away to stand up to stretch his limbs properly. Jesse just stares at the boy, still feeling a little stunned.
(love)
(no idea what i’m doing)
(love)
(love)
Andrew is gloriously naked and Jesse doesn’t understand how such a beautiful person happened to grace his life.
(but he has)
(accept it)
So apparently Jesse didn’t fuck up as much as he thought he did, because morning dust is dancing around Andrew’s shoulders and Andrew is laughing happily.
Wait what?
“Why are you laughing?”
Jesse’s voice is hoarse after his little spout of uncertainty.
“You called me perfect!”
Andrew digs through his underwear drawer until he pulls out a pair of briefs and steps into them. He straightens, smiling at Jesse.
“And that’s funny?”
Andrew continues smiling as he moves back to the bed, opting to sit on top of the covers instead of slipping back underneath them.
“Well I suppose not! But it delighted me, that’s all.”
Jesse frowns, trying to makes sense of Andrew’s good mood.
“Andrew, I violated you last night.”
He sits up in time to see Andrew’s face fall. He furrows his brow, but he doesn’t look entirely upset.
Jesse wonders why.
“What?” Andrew turns his head to look at Jesse properly.
(what)
This conversation is not going quite as Jesse expected. In fact, when Andrew shuffles closer to lean his head against Jesse’s shoulder, Jesse thinks that this whole morning after thing is turning out really weirdly. It’s never like this in the movies Emma makes him watch.
(what is he doing…?)
Andrew’s hand slides over Jesse’s lap to where Jesse’s own hand is lying limp. He watches as Andrew begins playing with his fingers.
“I’m okay, honestly, Jess.”
(okay?)
(okay)
He tilts his head up and Jesse smiles, pushing Andrew back down as he does so. He climbs over and lets himself flop onto Andrew’s body, pressing a kiss to the underside of Andrew’s chin, and then moving up to kiss Andrew properly. Andrew just smirks, lazily moving his hands around Jesse’s shoulder blades, to the dip in between them.
“We good, now?” Andrew murmurs.
Jesse stares at Andrew. Andrew’s eyes glint back at him and Jesse -
oh.
Andrew’s hands have wandered down to rest on Jesse’s ass.
He raises an eyebrow, and his lips creep up into a smirk, as he slowly pushes back against where Andrew is cupping him.
(this is easy)
(this is okay)
They kiss, easily, so easily now, and as they do so, Jesse repeats over and over, I trust you, I trust you, we’re okay and Andrew responds with me too. Jesse brushes his lips over Andrew’s forehead and Andrew whispers, “You didn’t violate me - god, Jess - don’t say it like that. We can try, we can try again, can’t we?”
Jesse pulls back to look at Andrew properly, suddenly aware that he can hear Roger downstairs clattering around in the kitchen.
“You want to try again?”
Andrew blinks slowly and nods.
“Yes - yeah. Not now, um, but - in the future? Maybe not next weekend but - ”
“ - yeah, no, totally, of course, yes, yes, longer than four months, maybe at six months - ”
And Andrew laughs, abruptly, so abruptly that Jesse rolls off him in surprise.
(what?)
“Andrew?”
Andrew rolls over and flings an arm over Jesse, still laughing to himself, like, what, did Jesse just accidentally allude to an inside joke he didn’t realize they had, or…?
Jesse frowns and moves to get off the bed, but Andrew stops him, trying to calm his laughter down, murmuring, “Sorry, sorry! No, Jess, don’t go.”
“Why are you laughing?” Jesse asks. Truth be told, it’s a little disconcerting if people are laughing at what he said and he wasn’t actually trying to be funny. Like now.
“Oh - you said - four months. Jess, did you - six - oh, Jess. You’ve been talking to JT, haven’t you?”
Jesse’s frown deepens. Well, okay, um -
“Yes?”
Andrew grins, throwing himself over Jesse to smack a loud kiss on his cheek. He buries his face in Jesse’s bare shoulder, murmuring silly things like oh my darling and you’re so cute and should have just told me.
“Told you what?”
This whole morning after thing is definitely not going the way he thought it would.
Now Andrew pulls back, searching Jesse’s face for something Jesse’s not quite sure is there.
“That you’d - never mind. It doesn’t matter. Except - the whole ‘four to six months’ business. Jess, let’s just have sex when it’s right for us, don’t - Jess I think I love you.”
He doesn’t wait for a response, instead, throws himself off the bed and starts to hurriedly dress himself in yesterday’s clothes.
“Yes, yes - Jesse, guess what! I love you. Like - you know how couples love each other? I love you and hey, I’m willing to wait forever for you - I love you as my best friend and as my boyfriend and we’re going to have sex when you’re ready and I’m ready and don’t - there’s no rights or wrongs in how we go about this, alright?”
(o - )
Jesse squeaks.
( - kay)
Andrew continues.
“I’ve been so stupid, you know. We’ve been so stupid. Here I am, trying to please you - last night I got so nervous but you wanted to do this and I really wanted to, Jess, I did! It just - fuck, I was nervous. And - ”
He hops around on one foot, pulling up a sock.
“ - you were too, but I thought I fucked up when I couldn’t go through with it, and then you thought you fucked up when I got upset and I was upset ‘cause I thought I’d upset you and it was all - Jess, it doesn’t matter.”
Jesse gets out of bed, not taking his eyes off Andrew. Andrew is beautiful and frazzled, wearing one sock and a gigantic smile, eyes shining and all. Jesse is shirtless and a little bit dazed, because -
“You love me?”
(love)
(like)
(yes)
(andrew)
(andrew!)
And Andrew nods, frantically, quickly, excitedly.
“I’m sorry if that was too soon, oh god I just blurted it out, but - I do. And as I said, I’m willing to wait for you. I think - I’m ready, Jess, to tell people. All I want to do is go downstairs and announce it to Uncle Roger and then help him with breakfast, like it’s no big deal, because to me, it is no big deal. But if you want to wait, I’ll wait, too, so long as you can promise me that eventually - eventually I can hold your hand in public and not worry about upsetting you.”
(maybe)
(i - )
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
(yes)
(because with andrew - love - with andrew)
Jesse takes a shaky step forward. He remembers the first time he saw Andrew, the first time he talked to him at Rob’s party, when Andrew had tried to follow him home. The first time he’d gone over to Andrew’s house, and then - their first kiss. And how Jesse had been an idiot and a coward and there was that month or so, of just - ignoring that it’d happened. But Jesse remembers his conversation - his many conversations - with Joe and there was that instance at Kristen’s and then - New Year.
Andrew’s grin gets wider and Jesse takes a breath, still, remembering. Remember the pool and the many times in the change room and when Hallie Kate caught them sleeping in bed? Remember school and lunchtimes and Kristen - god, she’s probably guessed - and -
“Hey, Jess.”
Jesse looks up. Andrew is standing right before him, and Jesse carefully puts his arms around his neck, pressing up against him slightly.
“Hi,” Jesse murmurs.
(love)
Well, it’s now or never, Jesse supposes.
“Are you okay? I didn’t scare you, did I?” Andrew looks worried for a second, and Jesse rolls his eyes playfully, to which Andrew pretends to huff. He rests his hands on the small of Jesse’s back, though, and smiles down.
(now)
(or)
(never)
“Andrew, I - ”
(now)
(do it)
“ - think I - I mean I know I - “
Roger calls from downstairs, boys! Breakfast! Jenny chimes in, laughing happily, her voice a lot closer than Roger’s. To Jesse’s surprise, however, he doesn’t shy away, rather, wants to yell back we’re having a moment, be down soon!
He doesn’t, though, instead he takes a deep breath, accepting all the insecurity and doubt he’d felt in the past - the past being up to half an hour ago - but also accepting this urge to say -
“ - I love you too.”
Andrew positively beams, and Jesse is overcome with the wildest feeling of safety and you know what, you know what, Jesse Eisenberg you know what?
“Also, Andrew, I’ve - I’ve been an idiot, too. Let’s - you know what? You know Mariah’s, tonight? How bout we - let’s - hold my hand when we’re there?”
If Jesse and Andrew’s friends had been here, to experience this moment, the following would have probably happened:
JT would have fist pumped the air, and Kristen would have hit him, with a smile threatening to take over her face. Emma would have squealed and Joe would have started laughing with happiness, Armie grinning like a wildman, too. Carey would have leaned against Matt, pride buzzing around inside both of them, and Rob would have probably thrown himself at the pair, insisting on a group hug.
But as it turns out, no one is there with Jesse, except Andrew - beautiful, golden, spectacular, ridiculous, absolutely perfect boyfriend of an Andrew - and Jesse is the sole witness to the joy that crosses over Andrew’s face.
“Seriously?”
Jesse nods, confident. Andrew immediately ducks down and presses his lips to Jesse's, wrapping his arms around Jesse's back and tightening his grasp, as if to never let go. And Jesse?
Well.
Jesse just pulls him closer.