(no subject)
I went to Dr. Winner yesterday and it wasn't that bad. I didn't cry. I didn't panic. Granted, the things that he told me scared the shit out of me, I was okay. I realized that I can't freak out over this. This man knows what he's talking about. This is the second time I've really felt I was going to get better. This time I don't need brain surgery though. This time I need:
A lot of drugs. (one of which will make me 'slower'. My mind won't be as quick as it usually is)
Poison (haha, i'm not kidding.)
Physical Therapy (to fix my posture, work on my broken neck)
My life at home/school to be modified so my posture can be better.
and some other things.
but the big one is this:
I'm going to have to go to a hospital in Michigan so they can induce me with a lot of one drug at once. I will be there for about two weeks if nothing goes wrong. I will be hooked up to heart monitors and watched 24/7. I will be very sick with side effects. But I should be okay.
I'm scared to death, but it's okay.
I have a disorder. A disease. It's disability is now compared to that of a quadrapaligic.
I am going to get better. I don't care if I still get a headache 2-3 times a week. If I could wake up one day and be a normal teenage girl and not be in pain I will be happier than ever.
NOTE:
I will not die of this.
It's impossible.
I however am susceptible to depression and suicide.
I am depressed, it's been diagnosed.
But I'm not a pussy.
If I could handle it for this long, I'll be fine.
if you think you're going to get freaked out, then read this:
I AM GOING TO GET BETTER