(no subject)
A few weeks before Thanksgiving, Xan's Grandpa Hugh died. My granddaddy died when I was younger. So Grandpa Hugh was my grandpa. Because Xan and I were like brada and sista. He was only 64, I think. Like my Uncle Bill. He had complications due to cancer and died about 3 weeks later. And it's terrible. And I want him back. I can't remember ever spending a Christmas Eve without him. I miss his stories. I miss my Granddaddy. I miss being his favorite grandkid because I was the only girl. I miss knowing where his cookies were. I miss him calling me Tippy Toes. I miss when he kidnapped me and when we took naps. I miss going to Kentucky all the time. I miss having my own room in the house on Windsor Ave. I miss my family.
I'm incredibly selfish, I know.
I'm disappointing my dad because I never paint or draw anymore. My mum keeps all my work in closets and cabinets. Why should I even try? I turned into my crossover application for visual arts today. I'm taking another 2 crunchtime classes. My friends are actually helping teach the crunchtime classes, my friends I took the class with last year. The ones that made it. I am going to to get into the visual department. I'm sick of feeling this depressed. I refused to get rejected by visual programs for the 4th time. I DIDN'T GET INTO SANTALUCES. I'm that pathetic. I suck that much. If I dont get in I will go insane. I am not joking. It's not because I hate theatre that much. It's because this is the one thing I think I can do okay at. And after all I've been through I still think I have it. I still think I'm getting better and better. I havn't finished a real art peice since this summer. Since my Ed Hopper transcription. And it's disappointing my father. I want to skip school and paint something that will make him proud again. Something that will get hung up, something that my parents will brag to their friends about. I remember when I used to do that, stay home just to paint all day.
I want to be good at something.
I'm incredibly selfish, I know.
I'm disappointing my dad because I never paint or draw anymore. My mum keeps all my work in closets and cabinets. Why should I even try? I turned into my crossover application for visual arts today. I'm taking another 2 crunchtime classes. My friends are actually helping teach the crunchtime classes, my friends I took the class with last year. The ones that made it. I am going to to get into the visual department. I'm sick of feeling this depressed. I refused to get rejected by visual programs for the 4th time. I DIDN'T GET INTO SANTALUCES. I'm that pathetic. I suck that much. If I dont get in I will go insane. I am not joking. It's not because I hate theatre that much. It's because this is the one thing I think I can do okay at. And after all I've been through I still think I have it. I still think I'm getting better and better. I havn't finished a real art peice since this summer. Since my Ed Hopper transcription. And it's disappointing my father. I want to skip school and paint something that will make him proud again. Something that will get hung up, something that my parents will brag to their friends about. I remember when I used to do that, stay home just to paint all day.
I want to be good at something.