As Maddox would say: If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong.

[say_kiss]

Girls are one big fucking contradiction. Hence the reggression of my attitude. Apparantly, i had it right before when i was in highschool

Comments

[tillie1123]

anyways....got off the topic. So about the word love being used too much. When ppl say this to eachother, a lot of times I don't think they really mean it. I mean, I know I've said it and had it said back to me, and no I wasn't lying when i said it and neither was he, b/c at the time we thought we really felt that. But we didn't. I honestly don't even know what love really is. I mean, i know it's a good feeling, right? The Dalai Lama says, "you often find relationships very much based on immediate sexual attraction." He also says those relationships don't last. Then he says, "you can have other types of relationships, on the otherhand, in which the prson in a cool state of mind will realize that physically speaking, in terms of appearance, my bf or gf may not be that ttractive b/ he or she is really a good person, a kind, gentle person." Both of those relationships don't last. Then the Dalai Lama says, "However, there is a second type of relationship which is also based on sexual attraction, but in which the physical attraction is not the predominant basis of the relationship. In this second type of relationship there is an underlying appreciation of the value of th eother person based on your feeling tha thte other person i skind, nice and gentle, and you accord respect and dignity to that other individual. any relationship based on that will be much more long lasting and reliable. It's more appropriate. And in order to establish that type of relationship, it is crucial to spend enough time to get to know each other in a genuine sense, to know each other's basic characteristics. Therefore, when my friends ask me about their marriage, I usually ask how long they'v known each other. If they say a few months, then i usually say, 'oh, this is too short.' if they say a few years, then it seems to be better."

[tillie1123]

I have had a lot of experiences with my good guy friends coming out and telling me they have "feelings" for me. And like those girls you speak of, I usually don't go for it. No, I don't think i'm a bad person b/c I won't go out with a guy friend of mine. It's not my fault I don't have that sort of connection wtih him. How come girls are being called jerks and what not for not going out w/ a guy? why can't guys and girls just be friends? I am more into friendships than relationships. I have never been the kind of girl that goes searching for "the one." I would much rather have someone as a friend than anything else. But this doesn't seem to work for a lot of people. I love how after a break up both people agree to remain friends, b/c you know, you would hate to lose such a good thing. But honestly, things aren't the same. You're never going to have what you once had as a friendship with that person, there's always going to be that underlying issue of trust. Trust...what a strong word. I will say this, I don't trust ppl. Not saying I don't trust my guy friend Ralph to feed my fish. I mean, i don't trust people enough to let them into my life. I don't think i have ever told anyone, and i mean anyone, everything about my life. Somethings should come out within time. Now, Jake, I know you know one of the reasons why I don't trust guys, which is a pretty major issue. So you know how hard it is for me to let people in. Meaning when i do let someone in, it's a big fucking deal. so when that trust is broken, I am going to be really hurt and put up my special "i'm fine" wall and shut people out and not show emotions. So yes, i will say I am hurt more than some people when trust is defied. And you're probably going to say well there are special circumstances, and I'm just saying in general girls just want drama or whatever. But how do you know that every girl doesn't have a "special circumstance?" That's right you don't. And even if you've been dating a girl or talking to girl for months and think you really know her..doesn't mean you really do. Like yes, you know that situation that happened to me and yes you know why it's hard for me to trust guys, you may not completely understand it, but you know. But that doesn't mena you know how it affected me. I'm saying you have no idea how situations affected that girl. So yes, you should learn from past mistakes. I know I have. I am not angry but my recent break up at all, and i think a lot of ppl think I am. Which is understandable. mOst ppl think, aww she must be so heart broken and she's probably still in love with him, that must hurt so much. But come on ppl, give me a little more credit than that. When have I ever been the kind of person to let a guy run my life? I'm not saying that it didn't bother me at all..b/c it did for a couple days but then I realized it was for the best, we both had changed our feelings for eachother a while before the break up. but he was just "trying to keep me happy" or whatever it was that was said, and I was clinging on to something that wasn't there. And yes, I still think about "the good times" but that doesn't mean I want to be back together with him. I think it's funny how our minds seem to remember all the good times we had and forget the bad. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing anyway. But yeah, so from our break up I've grown so much. I have been a happier person the last couple weeks than ever. B/c i do think about those good times and I do think about how much fun it was and how happy i was at teh time. I mean, it was great. And it didn't work out. So if i could have that much fun and be that happy with a relationship not even meant to be...I just think of how awesome my future relationships will be. I'm excited for my next "heart break." (not saying i want to be beaten or treated shitty.) But that i keep learning more and more what I want out of relationships and what i don't want, and i learn what to say and not to and all that...so my relationships are just going to be getting better and finally some day...I will be in true "happiness."

[tillie1123]

ok...sorry i know i've gotten way off topic here. I'm just thinking about all the previous comments that have been made and I feel like i have so much to say. So i know you said in your original post that this had nothing to do with your situation or whatever. but i want to make a small comment on your situation. I agree that you ahve been put in a shitty situation recently. But I don't think that going back to being an asshole is the trick either. I mean, no offense but look at your hs career with girls. Did a single one of them get you anything but "ass?" The other day someone said to me, "she obviously doesn't respect her body so why should he?" meaning, why shouldn't you just use a girl to get some if she's willing to give it out. but referring back to the Dalai Lama, he also believes that everybody is a human being and should be treated like one. NO matter if it's the pope or some crack whore on the side of the road, they're still human beings and should be treated the same. That's how he deals with people. Sorry to bring up the Dalai Lama so much...no I'm not buddhist but you don't have to be buddhist to have the same basic beliefs as the Dalai Lama. I believe in a lot of what he says about life and everything else.

ok ok ok...I'll stop talking now b/c i've been saying too much, even though I have a lot more to say, which i can get out later. and i'm sure i'm going to get a lot of "you're wrong" to this and that's ok. b/c honestly i'd loooove to hear your opionions on this and i think i can pretty much back everything i said in this. So sorry now if I offended anyone or anything, ifyou know me i'm not a mean or bad person at all. I just think all the generalizing is unfair!

[tillie1123]

Thank freaking goodness that somebody finally mentioned something that actually has some validity to it. Why is it when there is a problem it is always somebody else's fault? Maybe just maybe if we took responsibility for ourselves and looked within ourselves the solution to the many complaints/problems mentioned could be found. I know the female gender is far from perfect but one must admit the staggering percentage of male on female crimes as compared to female on male crimes. As an individual of the male gender I feel ashamed to see what we, as men, do to females. I do realize that this whole situation was started with a quote and how one individuals experiences could be applied to that quote but still I think I must say what I need to say. When we say it is acceptable to abuse, in any way, another person we are violating that persons rights as a person. Even if they justifiably deserve it or whatever it still doesn't make it ok. By speaking for females and saying that they want a certain thing, such as abuse, from a relationship is unfair to women. Only each individual can decide what he/she wants from a relationship. Yes, there are probably some women, due to past circumstances, that are attracted to abusive men but that does not mean they should be abused. It means that something has happened in their life that caused them to view love in a distorted way. Whether it be physical or mental abuse, rape, molestation, or any other harmful act most likely it was caused by a man. Why is it that men can not control anything pertaining to themselves. It is true that is does not apply to all men and that it is a generalization but we did earlier generalize "that all women like or a attracted to abuse or abusive men". Lets face the facts, as compared to women men loose control very easily with their anger, libido, and many other emotions or hormonal imbalances. I am not saying that women do not have these emotions, because they do, but they have learned to control themselves as to not harm others in the process of their emotional outburst. Despite the many horrible things men do to women etc relationships are still possible. As mentioned before relationships take much effort from both parties involved and it will never come easily. This is due to the fact that there are two people with different thoughts and opinions trying to live life together. There are many social stigmas when it comes to how society views the roles of man and women. Until the inequalities within the female-male relationship cease to exist then relationships will ultimately destroy themselves. I think one of the best ways to make a relationship work is to look at how you can change the way you are in the relationship. If you have honestly done everything you can and your partner refuses to comply, as you have, then there is nothing that you can do to save the relationship. This topic is broad and can be influenced by many different factors, which is why I have mentioned things that may not, at first glance, pertain to the original discussion. Each of us needs to be aware of how we treat and affect other people. As a reminder though don't use the pain that you have gone through to justify the abuse of anyone. When you can justify any kind of abuse you aren't far from becoming the rapist or molester, which was previously mentioned.