I've had it.
I want to go to school in Washington where the majority of guys aren't douche bags.
Or maybe all guys are and I just need to like them all to figure that out.
I'm frustrated.
I'm frustrated that I care too much about friendships and relationships to the point where I seem clingy. I hate that about myself. I'm frustrated that I'm too fat to fit into sizes I should be wearing at my place of work. I'm frustrated that boys don't call and then I make excuses for them not calling to the point of me just holding onto a distant memory. I hate that he's just not that into me. I'm frustrated that great girls don't get asked out on dates. I'm frustrated that there aren't enough good guys out there to go around. I'm frustrated that people are so vague in livejournal entries that it loses its purpose. I'm frustrated with Kenny for treating me like shit by ignoring me for three weeks. I'm frustrated that the purity of my friends is dwindling. I'm frustrated that I got another cold right after the one I had last week. I'm frustrated that people would only read this if I split it up into easy-to-read sentences one at a time instead of in paragraph form. I'm frustrated that "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins is on my playlist. I'm frustrated that people will respond to this, if at all, with perky, cheer-up, things-will-get-better, I-"love"-you remarks that are just white noise to my irritation. I'm frustrated that asking if you can do anything has become a meaningless gesture; anything I would want you to do, I would never ask for. I hate that I'm never good enough. But most of all
I'm frustrated that I let the way I value myself depend on how others value me.
Or maybe all guys are and I just need to like them all to figure that out.
I'm frustrated.
I'm frustrated that I care too much about friendships and relationships to the point where I seem clingy. I hate that about myself. I'm frustrated that I'm too fat to fit into sizes I should be wearing at my place of work. I'm frustrated that boys don't call and then I make excuses for them not calling to the point of me just holding onto a distant memory. I hate that he's just not that into me. I'm frustrated that great girls don't get asked out on dates. I'm frustrated that there aren't enough good guys out there to go around. I'm frustrated that people are so vague in livejournal entries that it loses its purpose. I'm frustrated with Kenny for treating me like shit by ignoring me for three weeks. I'm frustrated that the purity of my friends is dwindling. I'm frustrated that I got another cold right after the one I had last week. I'm frustrated that people would only read this if I split it up into easy-to-read sentences one at a time instead of in paragraph form. I'm frustrated that "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins is on my playlist. I'm frustrated that people will respond to this, if at all, with perky, cheer-up, things-will-get-better, I-"love"-you remarks that are just white noise to my irritation. I'm frustrated that asking if you can do anything has become a meaningless gesture; anything I would want you to do, I would never ask for. I hate that I'm never good enough. But most of all
I'm frustrated that I let the way I value myself depend on how others value me.