(no subject)
Okay time for a livejournal entry because I'm depressed once again. BOY PROBLEMS!! So there's this certain boy who I really really like. I've liked him since pretty much all summer. And I had been pretty sure he liked me just as much, but HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! A girlfriend who lives in Dallas, mind you. Anyways, all summer it had been flirting games and toying with each other's emotions lol...and once when he was really really drunk he tried to make a move on me and i rejected him because I didn't want him to do anything he'd regret and I put myself in his girlfriend's shoes. I'm a logical, righteous, and moralistic person! Isn't that what a guy wants in a girlfriend? Anyways, so even since then we've still been very flirty, and he asked me if I wanted to kiss him at that time and I said yes but I couldn't do it. So fastforward to last Monday. I go with him his roomate and this girl to a hookah bar. He has his hand on her knee and stuff and it was making me very uncomfortable and jealous. So later on that night he told me did something bad, and would tell me later. So today he told me he made out with "a girl." And then said he was planning on breaking up with his girlfriend this weekend which made me happy. then he mentioned a "super cool girl" and I was like oh so I'm not super cool? And he was like you are. And then he said: "It would have been you if you hadn't been so logical/moralistic." IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ME? If I was a SELFISH WHORE? My god. So I don't know what to think. Does this make him an asshole? Or does it make me a prude? Should I have taken the opportunity when it knocked or should I have been a good little girl and listened to my fucking CONSCIENCE something some of us don't have. Anyways...he made me hate myself by saying that...and I know I shouldn't but I can't knock this feeling that its somehow my fault. And that if I had done what I wanted to do, he would have broken up with "girlfriend" for ME. Ughhhhhhh