continuation from a comment for a friend

[savindus]

Maybe it is because I feel a certain aura about you that says, "Please read this, understand me." And I do. I do all too well understand. Possibly not YOU per se, but I understand some of the feelings. I don't understand some disorders, such as in our group the issue with eating and what-not...I can eat just fine. The fact that I don't eat until dinner time is just that I am not hungry during the day, or when I am, I am in the middle of class and by the time class is over, the hunger has subsided so much that I forget that I was ever hungry. Maybe that is a problem, but I don't think so. It is not that I don't WANT to eat, I just don't feel the need to. Not when a bite of something or a small glass of water will suffice. Thats another thing too, you know? I could be starving mad, but I take one bite, and I am full.--I was going to post this as a comment in a friend's journal, but decided it got too long, so I am just going to copy/paste this as a journal entry because I think I got off topic somewhere...I'll leave her a short comment in a sec.--I have gone through so much stress in my life. Stress that I know many have already gone through, but why, as humans, do we feel that everything that pertains to us is unique? I know many of my feelings are not unique, in fact I doubt ANY of my feelings are. But then, why is it that so many of the people I know don't seem to get it? Its hard for me to admit that I have an issue...I don't believe that I do...well, somedays I do. I know that if I was back on Effexor, my breathing would become much better. I would have less panic attacks and feel less stressed out. I don't want to go back onto Prozac, I don't really feel that I need to. It didn't hurt me or anything like that, no. I just don't want to take it when I feel that I have control over my thoughts. Sometimes I actually *enjoy* being depressed...is it for attention of others? I don't know...Is it for the attention of myself, highly probable. People are constantly saying that I need to have 'me time'. How can I do that when I feel that is narcissistic? When I *do* take 'me time' I feel less worthwhile because I don't feel that I am doing anything important. Unfortunately, when I have friends over I assume the role of hostess no matter who invited who, and then I start to feel stressed again. I feel frustrated because I feel as though everyone needs me at once (could be voices in my head though..just myself yelling at me to be more worthwhile and helpful), or when everyone has everything they need, I feel worthless because I have nothing to do. It's what they call a 'Catch 22' isn't it?

Well, I have so much more to say, but I don't know how to say it, so I will sign out here.