crossposting from my myspace Dec. 10th
I've reminded myself several times that when things start to seem easy...when things are going along just fine...be afraid. Of course things aren't going to be terrible and hard all the time, but more often than not, there is a struggle or a challenge around every corner. After last semester, and the summer bringing a lot of transition, I felt that things were finally better, that I could breathe and rest and feel free. And I do. However, this doesn't mean that I'm done facing struggles, or that things are going to look up from here.
At 20something last week, the speaker, Walt, talked about being sifted. In the Bible there is a fabulous story about Job, and how Satan and God were talking, and Satan wanted to test Job and see if he was really as genuine as he seemed. God said "go ahead." Now this doesn't seem fair, why is God going to allow Job to go through all of the suffering that Satan throws his way? Why wouldn't God just step in and protect him from it all? Because Job's faith is proved genuine through the trials that he faces, and the fact that he still chooses to honor God.
This happens all the time...Satan wages war against us, and we face challenges that seem insurmountable, but in the end all that happens is that every wrong thing in us, every sin, every imperfection, every weakness...is removed. One of my favorite passages is 1 Peter 1:3-9, which says "3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Walt said that this can happen in many ways, at many times in our lives, and that sometimes it is going to burn, because putting us through fire may be the only way to remove whatever is keeping us from truly seeking God whole-heartedly. I can honestly say that last semester, last year as a whole, I was being burned. Even in losing my brother and dealing with that grief, I have never experienced a more painful time in my life, never have felt so alone, so hopeless. So many times I fell on my face and asked God why He was letting me go through all of this...why wasn't He picking me up and restoring me? Only now can I see that I was being refined, my faith was being tested so that it could be proved genuine. When I truly gave up all that was hindering me, some of it not even by my own choice but by the burning and sifting that I went through, I found joy..and hope..and relief. But I have grown complacent, and I've thought that I had experienced by share of sifting...and I was wrong. Life is never promised to be easy, but this time around I know that the true test is going to be how I react to the struggles that I am facing. Am I going to trust God even when He is taking things out of my life that I have clung to for so long? Am I going to honor Him in the way that I treat people who hurt me? Am I going to praise Him, even when I feel like cursing the world and growing bitter...?
I've been disappointed lately so many times by people inthe way that they have changed, or let me down, or broken promises. A lot of my "Christian" friends, are constantly proving themselves to not be genuine at all...and I have to stop trying to force them to be...I have been lonely, feeling so regretful that I no longer have the kind of friendships where I feel that I can call almost any of my friends for comfort or encouragement. But maybe that's God's way of telling me that I have been making people an idol in my life for far too long. I have been so dependant on the encouragement of my friends from church, the support of my dance studio family, the comfort of a significant other, that I have never been forced to truly rely on God for all of my strength. At the end of a hard day, or when I am faced with a huge decision, God is the one that I need to run to first, and I need to be pouring my heart out to HIM. It's so hard sometimes, because God is not the tangible, happy-warm-fuzzy feeling that we want Him to be. He is a truth, a savior, a creator, a guide, and the only permanent, real, unchangeable thing that I will ever have.
This all being realized, I need to quit being so controlled by drama, and emotions. Sure, I'm a girl and that's how we work.. but that is not an excuse for allowing every issue that comes my way send me into a fit of rage or tears, or knock me down so that I can't focus on anything else. I'm ready to be an adult, to take the licks that I deserve, to be gracious of the things that I don't, and to realize that ultimately, most of this crap doesn't matter one bit in the longrun. I don't matter much in the longrun.
So that being said, please feel free to tell me I'm being dramatic, childish, obnoxious, etc. Feel free to remind me that I need to be running to God first and not any of you for my comfort. Not that I don't need encouragement, but that my priorities need to be right first. And by all means, remind me that I'm being sifted, and ask me how I'm going to respond. I need people to hold me accountable, because I forget so easily all these little things that I think I've learned..
At 20something last week, the speaker, Walt, talked about being sifted. In the Bible there is a fabulous story about Job, and how Satan and God were talking, and Satan wanted to test Job and see if he was really as genuine as he seemed. God said "go ahead." Now this doesn't seem fair, why is God going to allow Job to go through all of the suffering that Satan throws his way? Why wouldn't God just step in and protect him from it all? Because Job's faith is proved genuine through the trials that he faces, and the fact that he still chooses to honor God.
This happens all the time...Satan wages war against us, and we face challenges that seem insurmountable, but in the end all that happens is that every wrong thing in us, every sin, every imperfection, every weakness...is removed. One of my favorite passages is 1 Peter 1:3-9, which says "3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Walt said that this can happen in many ways, at many times in our lives, and that sometimes it is going to burn, because putting us through fire may be the only way to remove whatever is keeping us from truly seeking God whole-heartedly. I can honestly say that last semester, last year as a whole, I was being burned. Even in losing my brother and dealing with that grief, I have never experienced a more painful time in my life, never have felt so alone, so hopeless. So many times I fell on my face and asked God why He was letting me go through all of this...why wasn't He picking me up and restoring me? Only now can I see that I was being refined, my faith was being tested so that it could be proved genuine. When I truly gave up all that was hindering me, some of it not even by my own choice but by the burning and sifting that I went through, I found joy..and hope..and relief. But I have grown complacent, and I've thought that I had experienced by share of sifting...and I was wrong. Life is never promised to be easy, but this time around I know that the true test is going to be how I react to the struggles that I am facing. Am I going to trust God even when He is taking things out of my life that I have clung to for so long? Am I going to honor Him in the way that I treat people who hurt me? Am I going to praise Him, even when I feel like cursing the world and growing bitter...?
I've been disappointed lately so many times by people inthe way that they have changed, or let me down, or broken promises. A lot of my "Christian" friends, are constantly proving themselves to not be genuine at all...and I have to stop trying to force them to be...I have been lonely, feeling so regretful that I no longer have the kind of friendships where I feel that I can call almost any of my friends for comfort or encouragement. But maybe that's God's way of telling me that I have been making people an idol in my life for far too long. I have been so dependant on the encouragement of my friends from church, the support of my dance studio family, the comfort of a significant other, that I have never been forced to truly rely on God for all of my strength. At the end of a hard day, or when I am faced with a huge decision, God is the one that I need to run to first, and I need to be pouring my heart out to HIM. It's so hard sometimes, because God is not the tangible, happy-warm-fuzzy feeling that we want Him to be. He is a truth, a savior, a creator, a guide, and the only permanent, real, unchangeable thing that I will ever have.
This all being realized, I need to quit being so controlled by drama, and emotions. Sure, I'm a girl and that's how we work.. but that is not an excuse for allowing every issue that comes my way send me into a fit of rage or tears, or knock me down so that I can't focus on anything else. I'm ready to be an adult, to take the licks that I deserve, to be gracious of the things that I don't, and to realize that ultimately, most of this crap doesn't matter one bit in the longrun. I don't matter much in the longrun.
So that being said, please feel free to tell me I'm being dramatic, childish, obnoxious, etc. Feel free to remind me that I need to be running to God first and not any of you for my comfort. Not that I don't need encouragement, but that my priorities need to be right first. And by all means, remind me that I'm being sifted, and ask me how I'm going to respond. I need people to hold me accountable, because I forget so easily all these little things that I think I've learned..