My heart is your's to fill or burst...
Life is just so much fucking better when I am with him.
Today was like the worst day of my life. I honestly felt shit the entire day. And everything kept feeling worse and worse... by lunch time I was going to have a nervous breakdown. When I was standing back with Felicia and Emily waiting for soup I was like shit if I don't leave now I am going to start crying. So I went to the library. I didn't let myself cry though. Because I already cried for like two hours yesterday, and I knew if I started crying people would just be like "oh there goes that drunken hysterical girl...sobbing as usual.." Anyway so I went down to the library and sat down and started reading a magazine. I'd passed Mike on the way down the hall so he came and found me. Then we just sat and read magazines. Later Em and Feebs came and found me... but I couldn't even explain what was wrong. I know everyone thought it was just because he hadn't called... but it wasn't just that. No one seems to understand. But I can't explain it. So then I went through the rest of the day trying to appear happy. I don't want people to pity me.
Made plans to hang out with the gals tonight, and then headed home. I called tanning and booked it for 3:30. Then at 3:00 he called. My whole day just felt... so much better. He said I could come over after tanning. So after I went tanning (ran into felicia and made her make sure i smelled ok) I headed to his house. And then we just sat and watched tv again. And it was sooo nice... just like... sitting and talking and him with his arm around me. I just like fucking need that so bad. And then he had to go to his dad's house so he had to go. And then we kissed :-) and then he was like now I really have to go. And then we left.
As I was driving away I felt that same sinking feeling... It was the samer back-to-reality feeling, and I just hate it. Everything feels so perfect when I'm with him. All my troubles are thrown away...there's nothing to think about except for that I like him and he likes me. And all I want to do everyday is just be with him. Just sitting like we do. I wish things could feel like that all the time. Because honestly I am fucking HAPPY with him. I can't say that anything ever makes me happy.. but with him I am a brighter person. I'm still worried about being able to talk to him about the serious stuff... but it's probably too soon anyway. At least I know he knows about part of it, even he doesn't want to be involved, the fact that he knows and isn't scared to be with me helps.
Anyway I'm trying to stay happy for as long as possible.
Today was like the worst day of my life. I honestly felt shit the entire day. And everything kept feeling worse and worse... by lunch time I was going to have a nervous breakdown. When I was standing back with Felicia and Emily waiting for soup I was like shit if I don't leave now I am going to start crying. So I went to the library. I didn't let myself cry though. Because I already cried for like two hours yesterday, and I knew if I started crying people would just be like "oh there goes that drunken hysterical girl...sobbing as usual.." Anyway so I went down to the library and sat down and started reading a magazine. I'd passed Mike on the way down the hall so he came and found me. Then we just sat and read magazines. Later Em and Feebs came and found me... but I couldn't even explain what was wrong. I know everyone thought it was just because he hadn't called... but it wasn't just that. No one seems to understand. But I can't explain it. So then I went through the rest of the day trying to appear happy. I don't want people to pity me.
Made plans to hang out with the gals tonight, and then headed home. I called tanning and booked it for 3:30. Then at 3:00 he called. My whole day just felt... so much better. He said I could come over after tanning. So after I went tanning (ran into felicia and made her make sure i smelled ok) I headed to his house. And then we just sat and watched tv again. And it was sooo nice... just like... sitting and talking and him with his arm around me. I just like fucking need that so bad. And then he had to go to his dad's house so he had to go. And then we kissed :-) and then he was like now I really have to go. And then we left.
As I was driving away I felt that same sinking feeling... It was the samer back-to-reality feeling, and I just hate it. Everything feels so perfect when I'm with him. All my troubles are thrown away...there's nothing to think about except for that I like him and he likes me. And all I want to do everyday is just be with him. Just sitting like we do. I wish things could feel like that all the time. Because honestly I am fucking HAPPY with him. I can't say that anything ever makes me happy.. but with him I am a brighter person. I'm still worried about being able to talk to him about the serious stuff... but it's probably too soon anyway. At least I know he knows about part of it, even he doesn't want to be involved, the fact that he knows and isn't scared to be with me helps.
Anyway I'm trying to stay happy for as long as possible.