graduation and such
okay, first off, I had a weird weekend. I'm recalling it slowly, but surely. No, I didn't party that hard, I just am having a hard time remembering these things...
I was supposed to go to Raleigh to visit some friends, but that fell through. Perhaps that's why I am having a hard time remembering this weekened. Ah well.
I do know that I spent some time packing up my stuff in my parents house. Talk about weird: I threw away soooooo much stuff: old pictures, old clothes, old love letters even. I don't know why I threw away the old love letters. There's a song somewhere (or maybe its just a saying) that you should throw away old bank statements and keep old love letters. Well, I threw them all away. I didn't even read them before they went in the trash. It was cleansing, but I am still feeling odd about it.
Then, I went through a 'moment' that lasted for a good part of the weekend. Blame it on PMS, blame it on cold feet, blame it on what ever you want: but I still freaked out. I went through the: "am I selling out/am I making the right decision/am I going to regret what I am doing" thing. I felt ugly inside and out. It was not a good time to be around me. The good news is: I wasn't around anyone when the freak-out happened... so I had some time to freak-out, calm down, and rationalize everything. Well, let me rephrase: I wasn't around anyone when the Big part of the freak-out happened. I saw my room mate in the middle of it, but she was freaking-out also (about graduation), so it worked out well.
I'm feeling a bit better about everything. I think it is just going to take some time for me to forgive myself for not going to grad school right away. I really wanted to go right after undergrad, but I know that it is simply not possible right now. I can blame it on $ and such, but the truth is: I'm not ready to leave Charlotte. There is Security here, and I really don't want to step away from that. And knowing that makes me feel weak, thus adding to my freak-out. Perhaps things will change in 5/10 years, but right now: I'm staying.
Graduation is soon: the clock is ticking away. That freak-out will happen soon, I'm sure. So if you see a hurricane coming your way and it looks like me, I am apologizing now for any damage that may occur. The forecast is that only some tissues and such will be destroyed, and some shirts will become wet and salty w/ tears ... I promise I won't do much else.
I think that should be it for now, but I always have more to say soon...
thanks,
S
I was supposed to go to Raleigh to visit some friends, but that fell through. Perhaps that's why I am having a hard time remembering this weekened. Ah well.
I do know that I spent some time packing up my stuff in my parents house. Talk about weird: I threw away soooooo much stuff: old pictures, old clothes, old love letters even. I don't know why I threw away the old love letters. There's a song somewhere (or maybe its just a saying) that you should throw away old bank statements and keep old love letters. Well, I threw them all away. I didn't even read them before they went in the trash. It was cleansing, but I am still feeling odd about it.
Then, I went through a 'moment' that lasted for a good part of the weekend. Blame it on PMS, blame it on cold feet, blame it on what ever you want: but I still freaked out. I went through the: "am I selling out/am I making the right decision/am I going to regret what I am doing" thing. I felt ugly inside and out. It was not a good time to be around me. The good news is: I wasn't around anyone when the freak-out happened... so I had some time to freak-out, calm down, and rationalize everything. Well, let me rephrase: I wasn't around anyone when the Big part of the freak-out happened. I saw my room mate in the middle of it, but she was freaking-out also (about graduation), so it worked out well.
I'm feeling a bit better about everything. I think it is just going to take some time for me to forgive myself for not going to grad school right away. I really wanted to go right after undergrad, but I know that it is simply not possible right now. I can blame it on $ and such, but the truth is: I'm not ready to leave Charlotte. There is Security here, and I really don't want to step away from that. And knowing that makes me feel weak, thus adding to my freak-out. Perhaps things will change in 5/10 years, but right now: I'm staying.
Graduation is soon: the clock is ticking away. That freak-out will happen soon, I'm sure. So if you see a hurricane coming your way and it looks like me, I am apologizing now for any damage that may occur. The forecast is that only some tissues and such will be destroyed, and some shirts will become wet and salty w/ tears ... I promise I won't do much else.
I think that should be it for now, but I always have more to say soon...
thanks,
S