(no subject)
My life is so confusing and stressfull right now. I have tried to eliminate so many things that cause me stress: hanging out around people who get on my nerves, spending less time worrying about my future (its gonna happen soon enough, i can worry about it then), and staying ahead of the game in school.
I bought a fish (who i renamed Mr. Miyagi) and watching him swim around in his little bowl is pretty fun and stress relieving.
But you know, i always seem to add unnecessary drama to my life. It has been 7 months(since we all know what, i'm not gonna say it), and I have been dating a little bit here and there. There is this one guy that I kinda have my eye on over here. He's a good guy, he's passionate about what he's studying (music), easy to talk to, good lookin, funny, silly, etc. In fact we had kind of a date the other day and it was really nice just to talk to someone about everything and nothing all at the same time. I think we left for lunch around noonish and didn't quit talking til about 6 p.m. when I had to get ready to go on a TBS expedition to the woods...hehe.
Even though I had a great time with this guy, i couldn't help but remember the last time i had actually talked to someone about everything and nothing---it was about 3 years ago and with someone i never thought i would have a relationship with--yes, Scott. I tried not to think about it much throughout the evening, but it kept popping up. And then last night I had these horrible dreams (i guess they were nightmares) and I woke up with tears filling my eyes.
I dreamt that I got so lonely one day that I just up and drove to lafayette in hopes of being able to visit Scott. Once I got there, we talked and talked and talked...it was a little awkward at first, but we found that comfort that we had once had with eachother and feelings started rushing back to both of us. In my dream, I felt as if I was persuing him a little stronger than i would ever do in realy life. I kept getting closer and closer to him, and he kept backing away. Somehow, i guess I had coaxed him into sleeping with me, and when we were finished, we held eachother and he had confessed that this is what we were supposed to be doing for the rest of our lives--holding eachother til death do us part. Then out of the blue, he decided to get up out of bed get dressed and tell me that he had a "meeting" somewhere. I didn't believe him so when he left to go to this meeting, i followed him and found that he had gone to a restaurant to meet some people there--a family: with a mother, father and their beautiful daughter (who was around the same age as Scott). As I watched him approach their table he hugged the mother and father, and kissed the girl as if he were in love with her. Then i noticed a ring on her left finger. This was his fiance' and he had told me a lie. Just then, i noticed he looks up and out the window and sees me staring. I figured he would chase after me if i tried to leave, but when i turned to leave i turned back around to see if he was following. he just looked at me and then returned the conversation he was having with his future in-laws.
that's the end of the first dream (although they are all connected somehow).
The second dream I had was me driving home to Shreveport and I got a text message on my cell phone from Scott that said "some surprises aren't good. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."
end of dream 2.
Dream three starts out with me, a little bit older, a working woman with a husband of my own (not scott) and children. Turns out my husband divorces me because he knows that I was never really in love with him and that he could never spend the rest of his life knowing that I would always be in love with another man.
end of dream 3.
What the fuck man! Am I this messed up in the head? dreams suck! I know that I am a strong woman and that I have come a long way since August. I am strong, confident and i know that I will find love again someday...so why the fuck am I having such crazy dreams?!
geez. i'm weird.
I bought a fish (who i renamed Mr. Miyagi) and watching him swim around in his little bowl is pretty fun and stress relieving.
But you know, i always seem to add unnecessary drama to my life. It has been 7 months(since we all know what, i'm not gonna say it), and I have been dating a little bit here and there. There is this one guy that I kinda have my eye on over here. He's a good guy, he's passionate about what he's studying (music), easy to talk to, good lookin, funny, silly, etc. In fact we had kind of a date the other day and it was really nice just to talk to someone about everything and nothing all at the same time. I think we left for lunch around noonish and didn't quit talking til about 6 p.m. when I had to get ready to go on a TBS expedition to the woods...hehe.
Even though I had a great time with this guy, i couldn't help but remember the last time i had actually talked to someone about everything and nothing---it was about 3 years ago and with someone i never thought i would have a relationship with--yes, Scott. I tried not to think about it much throughout the evening, but it kept popping up. And then last night I had these horrible dreams (i guess they were nightmares) and I woke up with tears filling my eyes.
I dreamt that I got so lonely one day that I just up and drove to lafayette in hopes of being able to visit Scott. Once I got there, we talked and talked and talked...it was a little awkward at first, but we found that comfort that we had once had with eachother and feelings started rushing back to both of us. In my dream, I felt as if I was persuing him a little stronger than i would ever do in realy life. I kept getting closer and closer to him, and he kept backing away. Somehow, i guess I had coaxed him into sleeping with me, and when we were finished, we held eachother and he had confessed that this is what we were supposed to be doing for the rest of our lives--holding eachother til death do us part. Then out of the blue, he decided to get up out of bed get dressed and tell me that he had a "meeting" somewhere. I didn't believe him so when he left to go to this meeting, i followed him and found that he had gone to a restaurant to meet some people there--a family: with a mother, father and their beautiful daughter (who was around the same age as Scott). As I watched him approach their table he hugged the mother and father, and kissed the girl as if he were in love with her. Then i noticed a ring on her left finger. This was his fiance' and he had told me a lie. Just then, i noticed he looks up and out the window and sees me staring. I figured he would chase after me if i tried to leave, but when i turned to leave i turned back around to see if he was following. he just looked at me and then returned the conversation he was having with his future in-laws.
that's the end of the first dream (although they are all connected somehow).
The second dream I had was me driving home to Shreveport and I got a text message on my cell phone from Scott that said "some surprises aren't good. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."
end of dream 2.
Dream three starts out with me, a little bit older, a working woman with a husband of my own (not scott) and children. Turns out my husband divorces me because he knows that I was never really in love with him and that he could never spend the rest of his life knowing that I would always be in love with another man.
end of dream 3.
What the fuck man! Am I this messed up in the head? dreams suck! I know that I am a strong woman and that I have come a long way since August. I am strong, confident and i know that I will find love again someday...so why the fuck am I having such crazy dreams?!
geez. i'm weird.