On St Patrick's Day, Bravery, and Hooking Up
So. There's a guy. This guy.
That's right, Mr Perfect Text Message, who I neglected to mention was also my first boyfriend ever, back when baby Diaphenia was an idiot high school freshman. V was just as dumb, and we broke up on bad terms and spent most of high school glaring at each other (and once, during Duck Duck Goose, kicking each other). But senior year, we started talking on AIM, and though we went off to different schools and different life directions, running into each other only occasionally, we've always kept up the friendship via monthly AIM/Facebook/texting chats.
Flash forward to yesterday. We spent almost ten hours together, or approximately more time than we've spent together since high school graduation. It was amazing how awesome the conversation was; it flowed easily. We were helped along by copious amounts of alcohol, because day drinking is basically legally required for St. Pat's day around here. We talked about everything, and here's the weird part: we really have a lot in common. Not just the basics, but the things that matter: we agree that the number one thing to look for in a partner- and you will be shocked, because you don't know me at all- is someone to tell stories with. Not just because being the center of attention at a large gathering is important, but because you want someone who will agree, last minute, to go with you on adventures, which will then lead to those big stories you tell when you command the room later at those big gatherings you go to to tell those stories.
Also, he invented a Parks and Rec road trip.
And I thought, you know, I should grab his shirt and kiss him because why the hell not?
I didn't. I just drank my Long Island and failed to be brave.
We even went down to the river, where we watched the water in the moonlight in a gazebo, standing next to each other but never touching.
I dropped him off and vented on tumblr, contemplating my cowardice the entire way. But throwingpens had written uhhh, drink some more and then actually say it, duh and that made me think. Not about drinking more, because driving, and also because alcohol poisoning, but the idea behind this.
So I went home, brushed my teeth, and crawled into bed, texting him. Ten minutes into our I had so much fun we have to do this again I took a deep breath, wrote out You know what we should've done? I should've asked you if you wanted to hook up. I'm not saying you had to say yes, but I should've asked.
He said he would've said yes.
I punched my pillow for about two minutes before responding.
We spent an hour after that talking about this. I proceeded to list all the things I did to signal to him, most of which involved getting into his personal space bubble, though he's into his bubble. I'm a toucher anyway, and especially when I drink. He thought I wasn't signalling him because- and this is deeply stupid- yeah, I kept touching him arm, but I also touched the arm of the guy that stumbled into us both.
He told me he signaled me, and then admitted he hadn't really, which duh, I know the language of flirting, and I was and you weren't and therefore how am I supposed to hit on you and know it was well received?
I didn't get sleep until three hours before I had to get up, but: I have a date, officially, on Tuesday.
Here's the thing. As exciting as all this is, I already sort of know how this will play out. We aren't the same people we were as kids, but how different are we, really? Do people change? Because I'm not sure how much we do.
He's a clingy guy, and I put up walls, so he'll want, and I'll refuse to give, and we'll go round and round, having this same discussion in a million different ways. Hopefully, when it ends, it will be in a restaurant, right around our birthdays, and ideally we'll get to throw some plates.
Then we'll hook up again in a decade or so.
In the meantime, expect my adventures to double.
BUT WAIT
There's more.
Because this weekend is a friend's birthday, and thus I'm going to see this guy. Yes, that's right, Mr. Surprise Chemistry from January will almost certainly be at this party.
One way or another, expect some shenanigans.
That's right, Mr Perfect Text Message, who I neglected to mention was also my first boyfriend ever, back when baby Diaphenia was an idiot high school freshman. V was just as dumb, and we broke up on bad terms and spent most of high school glaring at each other (and once, during Duck Duck Goose, kicking each other). But senior year, we started talking on AIM, and though we went off to different schools and different life directions, running into each other only occasionally, we've always kept up the friendship via monthly AIM/Facebook/texting chats.
Flash forward to yesterday. We spent almost ten hours together, or approximately more time than we've spent together since high school graduation. It was amazing how awesome the conversation was; it flowed easily. We were helped along by copious amounts of alcohol, because day drinking is basically legally required for St. Pat's day around here. We talked about everything, and here's the weird part: we really have a lot in common. Not just the basics, but the things that matter: we agree that the number one thing to look for in a partner- and you will be shocked, because you don't know me at all- is someone to tell stories with. Not just because being the center of attention at a large gathering is important, but because you want someone who will agree, last minute, to go with you on adventures, which will then lead to those big stories you tell when you command the room later at those big gatherings you go to to tell those stories.
Also, he invented a Parks and Rec road trip.
And I thought, you know, I should grab his shirt and kiss him because why the hell not?
I didn't. I just drank my Long Island and failed to be brave.
We even went down to the river, where we watched the water in the moonlight in a gazebo, standing next to each other but never touching.
I dropped him off and vented on tumblr, contemplating my cowardice the entire way. But throwingpens had written uhhh, drink some more and then actually say it, duh and that made me think. Not about drinking more, because driving, and also because alcohol poisoning, but the idea behind this.
So I went home, brushed my teeth, and crawled into bed, texting him. Ten minutes into our I had so much fun we have to do this again I took a deep breath, wrote out You know what we should've done? I should've asked you if you wanted to hook up. I'm not saying you had to say yes, but I should've asked.
He said he would've said yes.
I punched my pillow for about two minutes before responding.
We spent an hour after that talking about this. I proceeded to list all the things I did to signal to him, most of which involved getting into his personal space bubble, though he's into his bubble. I'm a toucher anyway, and especially when I drink. He thought I wasn't signalling him because- and this is deeply stupid- yeah, I kept touching him arm, but I also touched the arm of the guy that stumbled into us both.
He told me he signaled me, and then admitted he hadn't really, which duh, I know the language of flirting, and I was and you weren't and therefore how am I supposed to hit on you and know it was well received?
I didn't get sleep until three hours before I had to get up, but: I have a date, officially, on Tuesday.
Here's the thing. As exciting as all this is, I already sort of know how this will play out. We aren't the same people we were as kids, but how different are we, really? Do people change? Because I'm not sure how much we do.
He's a clingy guy, and I put up walls, so he'll want, and I'll refuse to give, and we'll go round and round, having this same discussion in a million different ways. Hopefully, when it ends, it will be in a restaurant, right around our birthdays, and ideally we'll get to throw some plates.
Then we'll hook up again in a decade or so.
In the meantime, expect my adventures to double.
BUT WAIT
There's more.
Because this weekend is a friend's birthday, and thus I'm going to see this guy. Yes, that's right, Mr. Surprise Chemistry from January will almost certainly be at this party.
One way or another, expect some shenanigans.