DO NOT read this!
I was going to write a happy journal entry...
I swear I was...
It was one of hope and wonder...
Not any more...
Maybe not ever again...
And as many think they do...
I don't think so...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from financially...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from words...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from being alone...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from being not wanted...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from other's actions...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from luck...
I can't take this anymore...
no more...
No more will I suffer...
I'm dying...
I'm here listening to my parents argue and yell at me...
Saying money is more important than my well-being...
and then telling me that I need to leave by July...
This year alone...
I've been heart broken
I've been stabbed in the back
I've been kicked out of 2 homes
I've lost one job
I've lost two family members
I've been rumored about
I've been in 7 arguments at home
I've been angry and frustrated on both visits at home
I've been lost money
I've been sick with no doctor
Dear God...
I wish that you get rid of me as soon as possible...
I beg you...
Please put me out...
I've left everything behind...
I have nothing left...
I'm ready to go...
Please take me...
I don't wish to go to hell...
But if it is to save me from this pain...
Then I might be willing...
I am no longer going to ask for help from anyone...
Truly no one can help me...
Not one soul on this planet...
I know there are worse things out there.
I know I don't deserve to ask this.
I'm not being raped, or physically tortured, I'm not starving yet, or homeless yet.
But my mental state can't take this anymore...
I can't stand the fighting.
I can't stand the crying of myself or my mother.
No...please no more...
I cause misery to everyone around me...
I see that more than ever...
Even the past 2 times I've been home in Ohio, I've caused nothing but trouble.
Can't you see God...
Ever since day one...
I cry myself to sleep every night...
I know I don't deserve it...
Things could be worse...
But I really need your help...
I can't keep calling people...
I can't keep hurting them...
No more!
No more!!
I won't do it.
The very thing one brave man tried to protect me from I have been tricked into returning back too. I've scared him enough to where I won't ask anymore for his help. Yet he told me to ask you one day...
Why does my family hate me so much? Why does my step family hate me so much?
I have nothing but failures behind me...
I have no proof that I ever existed...
I am strong enough to face the odds of the world...
But I can't face my family...
I can't facing and scaring my friends...
Please take me far away from here...
If not, I will quit both of my jobs and sleep till there is nothing left...like I did last summer...
I've been at fault since I lost my job at Kent.
I'm suffering from withdraw of companionship...
This alone I would have been fine...
But then Troy...
then my job...
then the daycare...
then the grapevine...
then Robert...
then my student loan with a dead job...
and then mom...
There is no reason to be in Iowa now...
and there is no reason to return to Ohio...
Is there no where for me to go?
No where to belong?
I need hope!
Give me more please if you will not take me away!
GIVE ME SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
ANYTHING TO KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!
ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear no more!!
I've lost the hope I had!!
He doesn't exist anymore!!
I need something else!!
I know it could be worse...
but it's getting worse!!
Can't it be stopped?!
Am I going to be worse?
I will be homeless soon!
I will be starving soon!
My life is spiraling down so fast!!
Anything you can give me!!
Anything!!
I'm reliving my childhood but with money problems.
Problems I can't solve!
I work 2 jobs with no day offs and I still can't make anything!
I still HAVE NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!
NOTHING!!!!!!
So no more...
My head can't take this torture...
my body can't...
I refuse to go to an hospital because it just puts another bill on my parents who are going crazy because they don't want to pay my bills if I lose my jobs and yet they don't care for my well being...just theirs...
I see why I wanted a lover so much...
I wanted someone who would care for me,
love me,
like me.
But now it's pointless. Simply pointless.
There is no one...no tamahome...
No tamahome deserves one like me...
I'm simply crazy...
I'm neglected...
I'm trouble...
I'm misfortune...
I'm ugly...
If I have to keep living like this...
Then I will take my self out.
I swear!
I don't think anyone should live like this!
I'm always yelled at.
No one tells me anything.
I'm not wanted by anyone! Not even my own parents.
I'm not welcomed.
This is why I lived in another world when I was younger...
because I couldn't survive this one.
Must I return to that state?
I miss that world so much...
Can I please go back? Or to another one?
Just please take me away from here...so I can be at peace...
no more unwanted, no more fighting, no more misery on my behalf...
no more...
I was blown away
What could I say
It all seemed to make sense.
Your takin away everything
And I can't do without.
I try to see the good in life.
The good things in life are hard to find.
We're blowin away, blownin away
Can we make this something good?
I swear I was...
It was one of hope and wonder...
Not any more...
Maybe not ever again...
And as many think they do...
I don't think so...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from financially...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from words...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from being alone...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from being not wanted...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from other's actions...
Don't you ever say someone can't hurt from luck...
I can't take this anymore...
no more...
No more will I suffer...
I'm dying...
I'm here listening to my parents argue and yell at me...
Saying money is more important than my well-being...
and then telling me that I need to leave by July...
This year alone...
I've been heart broken
I've been stabbed in the back
I've been kicked out of 2 homes
I've lost one job
I've lost two family members
I've been rumored about
I've been in 7 arguments at home
I've been angry and frustrated on both visits at home
I've been lost money
I've been sick with no doctor
Dear God...
I wish that you get rid of me as soon as possible...
I beg you...
Please put me out...
I've left everything behind...
I have nothing left...
I'm ready to go...
Please take me...
I don't wish to go to hell...
But if it is to save me from this pain...
Then I might be willing...
I am no longer going to ask for help from anyone...
Truly no one can help me...
Not one soul on this planet...
I know there are worse things out there.
I know I don't deserve to ask this.
I'm not being raped, or physically tortured, I'm not starving yet, or homeless yet.
But my mental state can't take this anymore...
I can't stand the fighting.
I can't stand the crying of myself or my mother.
No...please no more...
I cause misery to everyone around me...
I see that more than ever...
Even the past 2 times I've been home in Ohio, I've caused nothing but trouble.
Can't you see God...
Ever since day one...
I cry myself to sleep every night...
I know I don't deserve it...
Things could be worse...
But I really need your help...
I can't keep calling people...
I can't keep hurting them...
No more!
No more!!
I won't do it.
The very thing one brave man tried to protect me from I have been tricked into returning back too. I've scared him enough to where I won't ask anymore for his help. Yet he told me to ask you one day...
Why does my family hate me so much? Why does my step family hate me so much?
I have nothing but failures behind me...
I have no proof that I ever existed...
I am strong enough to face the odds of the world...
But I can't face my family...
I can't facing and scaring my friends...
Please take me far away from here...
If not, I will quit both of my jobs and sleep till there is nothing left...like I did last summer...
I've been at fault since I lost my job at Kent.
I'm suffering from withdraw of companionship...
This alone I would have been fine...
But then Troy...
then my job...
then the daycare...
then the grapevine...
then Robert...
then my student loan with a dead job...
and then mom...
There is no reason to be in Iowa now...
and there is no reason to return to Ohio...
Is there no where for me to go?
No where to belong?
I need hope!
Give me more please if you will not take me away!
GIVE ME SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
ANYTHING TO KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!
ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear no more!!
I've lost the hope I had!!
He doesn't exist anymore!!
I need something else!!
I know it could be worse...
but it's getting worse!!
Can't it be stopped?!
Am I going to be worse?
I will be homeless soon!
I will be starving soon!
My life is spiraling down so fast!!
Anything you can give me!!
Anything!!
I'm reliving my childhood but with money problems.
Problems I can't solve!
I work 2 jobs with no day offs and I still can't make anything!
I still HAVE NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!
NOTHING!!!!!!
So no more...
My head can't take this torture...
my body can't...
I refuse to go to an hospital because it just puts another bill on my parents who are going crazy because they don't want to pay my bills if I lose my jobs and yet they don't care for my well being...just theirs...
I see why I wanted a lover so much...
I wanted someone who would care for me,
love me,
like me.
But now it's pointless. Simply pointless.
There is no one...no tamahome...
No tamahome deserves one like me...
I'm simply crazy...
I'm neglected...
I'm trouble...
I'm misfortune...
I'm ugly...
If I have to keep living like this...
Then I will take my self out.
I swear!
I don't think anyone should live like this!
I'm always yelled at.
No one tells me anything.
I'm not wanted by anyone! Not even my own parents.
I'm not welcomed.
This is why I lived in another world when I was younger...
because I couldn't survive this one.
Must I return to that state?
I miss that world so much...
Can I please go back? Or to another one?
Just please take me away from here...so I can be at peace...
no more unwanted, no more fighting, no more misery on my behalf...
no more...
I was blown away
What could I say
It all seemed to make sense.
Your takin away everything
And I can't do without.
I try to see the good in life.
The good things in life are hard to find.
We're blowin away, blownin away
Can we make this something good?