Is that me?
When you smell dog shit, look first at your own shoes.
Yep. You know, my shoes aren't all that clean. It's so easy to get wrapped up in our own interpretations of events and what makes us feel good. I like to think I put my wife first; her needs, her wants, her desires. I still do. I believe that with all my heart, but I have to be honest and look at things from her perspective as well. I find that it's also important to not withhold anything. And that I'm very guilty of the last couple of days.
It's amazing the way this whole internet thing works. For her privacy, I will not mention her journal (I'll include if she wants), but looking at her friends list, we don't have any of them in common, yet somehow, she found my journal. After a few comments, I checked her journal out. Well, I spent all morning reading it. Too many similarities in our lives, except 1 big one. Her marriage dissolved. This isn't a comment about good or bad from a divorce perspective. From what I read, it sounds healthy for her. From the sounds of things, with as many similarities as we have, there are many differences as well. I'm thrilled to have had this type of connection, even if its through a secret LJ persona. Each of you have already had an impact on my life and marriage... how weird is that!
After reading her journal all morning, I was struck with the fact I was being very selfish by withholding myself from her emotionally until she talked with me about the other night. While I still want to talk, I can't make this a life or death issue. It is this type of emotional withdrawal that I can't stand from her when it happens. I went home at lunch today and just could not stop touching her, hugging her, kissing her. I didn't tell her about this journal or how I found the journal I did, but I did speak with her about how I read something that just compelled me to let her know how much I appreciate her and what we have, even though we're having some issues right now. I even apologized for my part in escalating this.
Relationally, I hope for some break through this weekend. We will have some alone time and I'm hopeful that my change in attitude will have some impact on her willingness to talk about stuff. Physically, well, not much gonna happen for a few days... The 28 day clock is resetting itself. Such is life. I do have a fun story to post if I can get to it this weekend.
Humbly, I thank you for taking your time to read about my life and give your input.
Yep. You know, my shoes aren't all that clean. It's so easy to get wrapped up in our own interpretations of events and what makes us feel good. I like to think I put my wife first; her needs, her wants, her desires. I still do. I believe that with all my heart, but I have to be honest and look at things from her perspective as well. I find that it's also important to not withhold anything. And that I'm very guilty of the last couple of days.
It's amazing the way this whole internet thing works. For her privacy, I will not mention her journal (I'll include if she wants), but looking at her friends list, we don't have any of them in common, yet somehow, she found my journal. After a few comments, I checked her journal out. Well, I spent all morning reading it. Too many similarities in our lives, except 1 big one. Her marriage dissolved. This isn't a comment about good or bad from a divorce perspective. From what I read, it sounds healthy for her. From the sounds of things, with as many similarities as we have, there are many differences as well. I'm thrilled to have had this type of connection, even if its through a secret LJ persona. Each of you have already had an impact on my life and marriage... how weird is that!
After reading her journal all morning, I was struck with the fact I was being very selfish by withholding myself from her emotionally until she talked with me about the other night. While I still want to talk, I can't make this a life or death issue. It is this type of emotional withdrawal that I can't stand from her when it happens. I went home at lunch today and just could not stop touching her, hugging her, kissing her. I didn't tell her about this journal or how I found the journal I did, but I did speak with her about how I read something that just compelled me to let her know how much I appreciate her and what we have, even though we're having some issues right now. I even apologized for my part in escalating this.
Relationally, I hope for some break through this weekend. We will have some alone time and I'm hopeful that my change in attitude will have some impact on her willingness to talk about stuff. Physically, well, not much gonna happen for a few days... The 28 day clock is resetting itself. Such is life. I do have a fun story to post if I can get to it this weekend.
Humbly, I thank you for taking your time to read about my life and give your input.