Missing - Merlin/Arthur fanfic (Chapter 6/6 + Epilogue)
So I still don't have a cord, but my sister's boyfriend is letting me use his. Anyway, this is the last chapter of Missing. All that's left is the Epilogue, which I will post soon. Enjoy!
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Chapter Six - Remembering
A bird chirped in the early morning light, a bleak gray before the heat could manage to rid the earth of fog, and Arthur's eyes snapped open. He ran his right hand down his face and took a few deep, steadying breaths. Dreams. Memories.
He was in Ealdor with his manservant, and they were fighting to save his manservant's home from bandits because King Cenred would not. His manservant's best friend died, and had claimed to be a sorcerer. Arthur believed him because, even then, his manservant had meant so much to him that he simply could not let any hint of magic become associated with the younger male. To do so would have meant death to his friend.
Lancelot had defeated a Griffin, a beast that supposedly only magic could kill. Then he'd claimed he still needed to prove himself to himself. Just before he left, Lancelot had confessed to Arthur that Arthur's servant had been there when he killed the Griffin. His manservant would not let Lancelot go without him. When they'd arrived on the scene, his servant had immediately rushed to Arthur's side, ignoring all danger to make sure Arthur was alive.
His manservant had been accused of stealing Queen Catrina's royal seal. Arthur had been ordered to arrest him. Arthur had sent his knights every which way to search in every corner of the castle except his room, because he knew his servant would be there at that very moment. When he'd gone back to his room and his servant had been there, dutifully cleaning the room, Arthur had been so relieved. Thank God his servant was on time! Or…well, not on time, but on the same time schedule he always was on. When he'd said Queen Catrina had accused him of stealing her seal, his servant had claimed yet again that she was troll. Arthur had wanted to believe him, to discuss the matter, but they had no time. He didn't care if his servant had actually stolen the seal, if his step-mother was a troll, if the whole kingdom was about to crumble down around his feet. At that moment, all he cared about was getting his servant safely out of Camelot. Maybe one day they could meet again, but not that day, not while the Queen was still Queen. And when his servant had vanished through the ante-chamber door, Arthur'd felt his heart cracking and squeezing all at once in his chest.
Arthur watched the sky for several long moments. A bird flew over head and called out once into the distance, a soft, beautiful cry. One of his knights shifted and Arthur decided they had all best be moving, before his wayward manservant disappeared from the forest altogether. So he got up, packed his things, and began loudly ordering his men around. They ate a meager breakfast, as they typically did when on the move, and then Arthur began telling each man which way to go and search around in.
"First off, I'll go…," Arthur trailed off. A good two hundred yards behind his knights stood the witch he'd seen in his bedroom. He would recognize her anywhere, no matter how far away she was. "…That way," he said at length. "I'll go that way." Before they could all turn around and see the witch for themselves, Arthur quickly divvied up the rest of the forest around them into six moderately equal parts. "Now, we'll meet back here at sundown. Understood?" They all nodded. "And you all remember what he looks like, right?" They nodded, though some of them looked a bit nervous. It was good enough. Something told Arthur he'd be the one to find his servant anyway. "Right then. Let's get moving."
When he looked in the direction he'd be walking, the direction he'd seen the witch in, she was gone. Still, seeing her at all had to mean something, so Arthur began marching. He walked for what seemed like forever and finally moved past a row of trees into a small glade. For a moment he wondered if the glade was natural, or if magic had made it, for the whole area seemed surreal as if it were not of this forest. Then he saw her.
She was standing by a stone pillar at the edge of the trees opposite him. Similar stone pillars lined the glade and a stone altar was sat in the center. The witch wore a light blue cloak over her simple green dress now, no doubt due to the colder temperature. Actually, Arthur was certain that it hadn't been this cold before he entered the glade. He had the distinct impression that he had taken a step and traveled significantly further south than he had been that morning.
Instead of asking the witch how she'd created this place, Arthur asked, "Why did you alter our memories? Why my servant?"
The witch's gaze slid over the altar in the center of the glade and then looked back up at Arthur. "You already know the answer to that, young Prince. You remembered it yesterday."
Arthur narrowed his eyes.
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- (a break because it's a long one) -
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He was sitting in his room, drinking some vile potion Gaius had cooked up for him that was supposed to 'give him his strength back.' It tasted putrid. He downed the whole vial at once and set it on the food tray a maid had laid on his lap only minutes before. Arthur grimaced and tore a large shred of bread off the loaf on the tray and stuffed it in his mouth. He swallowed and frowned at his food.
His servant hadn't been in to see him yet and he'd been awake for almost three hours already. Usually, his manservant was with him all the time, silently fretting over every nick and cut. The last time he'd been badly hurt, the time with the Questing Beast, his servant had been so morose and run down Arthur had thought he'd been saying goodbye to him. So why had he not had a visit from the younger man yet? It was really bugging him.
Just then, his bedroom door opened and in walked the very man he'd been just thinking about. Arthur looked him over real quick. "Ah," Arthur let out. "And where have you been? You look terrible." No, seriously. His manservant looked like someone who'd traveled a long distance, possibly a week's travel, without sleeping or eating or stopping. He looked like he needed a nice warm bath and a long nap.
His friend shrugged. "Worrying, mostly," he said truthfully. "Trying to find a cure for an incurable disease," he admitted offhandedly. He sounded almost normal, but there was a slightly weary tone to his voice. Arthur figured he must have been worrying a lot more than he would ever admit. That kind of made Arthur feel warm inside.
Arthur snorted to cover up his feelings. "Well, there was no need. I'm fine." But as soon as he said it, the smile left his face and he gave his servant a curious look. The last time he'd been this ill, his friend had come in and talked to Arthur like they would never see each other again. The last time, Arthur had been confused and actually kinda scared. Would it all happen again? He shook his head. He was being foolish. "You've been slacking on your duties while I've been ill," he accused lightly, looking back to his food. If he looked at his servant too long, he might give away that he was feeling uneasy.
"Sorry," the other male apologized. "Before I get to that, can I say something?"
"Go ahead, ….. You will even if I tell you not to," Arthur acquiesced. He was hard put to admit it, but Arthur liked that his servant hardly ever listened to him. It made him feel more like a man and less like a prince.
"At times like these…when you get hurt…I can't help but feel the way I did when you were hurt by the Questing Beast." Arthur looked up at the man standing by the door. They had both been thinking of the same moment in time! "I meant every word I said…You know…I…," he trailed off. "I really don't know what I would do if you died."
He wouldn't….Arthur lowered his eyes and looked off to his right. When he spoke, it was barely above a murmur. "You'd move on," he said. It might be sad, but everyone would move on. Even his most loyal companion would soon rise above any sorrow and move on without him, as if he'd never existed. He felt suddenly all alone, thinking like that.
"No, I really don't think I would," the servant said at the same level. Arthur's eyes snapped back to his. "That's why….Arthur, before I go, I need to tell you something really important, and you can't call the guards. It wouldn't do any good by tomorrow morning."
"…, what are you on about?" Arthur asked. If he acted like he thought his servant was being stupid, then he wouldn't seem worried at all, right? Arthur hoped this wasn't turning into something like with the Questing Beast. He hadn't been able to sleep that whole time. He'd been so worried he would never see this man before him ever again. Now he was talking about telling Arthur something that might require guards.
Something that…..Oh!
"Alright…," the servant murmured almost silently before his eyes flashed gold, staring straight at Arthur so he would have no problem seeing it.
The fire sparked into being, the dishes left from the last breakfast Arthur had eaten before the attack cleaned themselves, the curtains closed for the night, the plate with Arthur's food lifted so the covers could be smoothed and tucked in then it sat back down, and Arthur suddenly felt as clean as if he'd just had the best bath in his life.
Oh god. No. You did not just show me that. Why would you show me that? It's against the law! You weren't supposed to show me that! I mean, yes, I've thought it was true for the longest time, but you were never supposed to confirm my suspicions! If I know, you have to die! You have to-, Arthur's inner rambling panic attack was cut off by his servant's voice.
"I'm a sorcerer, Arthur. I was born with magic and I think it was given to me so I could serve you, protect you, help you. I know you think I'm an idiot, but I'm trying real hard to use magic to help without getting caught and it's harder than it seems," he explained in a quiet rush.
Arthur watched him with steady eyes, but his heart was leaping out of his chest. He knew that. Yes, he knew that. His servant friend was always helping him. They were friends so close that Arthur couldn't imagine a life without the other man. Arthur knew the man before him would never hurt him or Camelot on purpose. He would never because he was….
His manservant continued on, unaware of Arthur's inner acceptance. "I've got a lot of power, but I can't use it all yet….so when you got hurt and nothing I did would heal you…" Arthur started listening intently to what was being said. "I went to a place called the Isle of the Blessed, a place filled with the magic of the Old Religion, and made a deal with a sorceress there to save you. And it worked. You're alright now."
The Isle of the Blessed. A place filled with the magic of the Old Religion. This peasant, this servant, this sorcerer, had gone to a magic filled place and made a deal with some sorceress to save Arthur's life. He was so desperate to save Arthur that he made a deal with a sorceress. A lying, deceitful-No. No, Arthur had to stop thinking like that. Not all magic was evil. His servant was proof of that. If all magic was evil, then his servant would never have made a deal to save his life.
Waitaminute.
"You made a deal with a powerful sorceress," Arthur began. "My wound was healed by magic." The younger man nodded shortly. "…," Arthur said, "What did you give up?"
"I-" Arthur could sense the cover up coming before it began, and stopped it.
"You said you made a deal, which means something was given up for me to get healed. I want to know what it was and you'll tell me immediately or I'll have you thrown in jail for a month," he threatened darkly. Don't prove me wrong about you. Don't tell me you gave up someone else in my place. That's wrong. Don't tell me that.
The man before him said nothing, just closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. Arthur growled low in his throat, a warning of his impatience. He wanted to know now! The tension was making him testy and Arthur needed to know what had been given in place of his life!
"I…" Tears slipped down his servant's cheeks in two small, slow running rivers. "Just tell me, what do you think of me? Now that you know, what do you think of me?" Even though he was crying, the man's voice was relatively calm. Quiet, but steady.
Arthur bristled. "Does that really matter, …? I want to know what the deal was. Tell me or-"
"I don't have a month, Arthur! I need to know what you think!" his servant suddenly yelled. Arthur paused, worried that the volume had called a guard. After a few moments with no armored guard bursting into the room, Arthur allowed himself to speak again.
Arthur's voice came out quiet. "I told you. It doesn't matter. You've drunk poison for me, …, and faced my father for me, and followed me no matter where I go so you could save Camelot with me. You've fought monsters, sorcerers, trolls, and dragons with me. You told me you would be my servant until the day you died. I think that's enough to absolve you of the crime of sorcery, don't you?" He gave a little smirk, something akin to his usual blinding grins or teasing smiles. There was an uneasy feeling stirring in the pit of his stomach, a nauseous sort of fear that warned him something was terribly wrong.
The other man managed to open his eyes and smile at Arthur for a brief moment and then he couldn't keep his eyes open for all the water in them as he cried a tiny bit harder. That couldn't be good.
Arthur frowned "…?" he asked. Why was he crying? Arthur wasn't going to tell his father about the sorcery. They would both make it through this, together. "Oh god." He let out, suddenly aware of the truth. His servant was the kindest man he'd ever known. In a situation where he couldn't save someone himself, he had gone to a sorceress and traded something for Arthur's life. When he'd met his mother, or Morgause's version of his mother, she had said a life could only be made by taking the life of another. His servant would never give someone's life for Arthur's, unless… "You didn't bargain your life, did you, …? Tell me you weren't that stup-"
"I gave everything but, Arthur."
And then he fled the room faster than Arthur could blink. Arthur was left sitting on his bed, unable to breathe and unable to give chase. The world seemed to have fallen down and where his gut should be was a huge black hole and it felt like there was a stake through his chest right where his heart should be.
Again. Again. God, why did this keep happening?
Arthur looked down at his food, but he'd lost his appetite. His servant….loyal, true, strong, bumbling, wise, kind, back-talking, magic-using, best servant he ever had….had once again made the ultimate sacrifice for Arthur: with the poisoned goblet and Bayard, the unicorn fiasco, and even the Questing Beast no doubt. And he was always at Arthur's side when it counted, but now….now Arthur was being faced with the possibility that tomorrow there would be no loyal idiot at his side. Instead, he might wake to the news that his friend had died in his sleep, or walking down the hallway.
And the worst part was Arthur knew there was nothing he could do. His manservant had made a magical deal, and there was nothing physically possible Arthur could do to stop it.
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- (a break because it's a long one) -
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Arthur shook his head and he was back in the glade with the witch. He glared at her. "Take it back," he ordered. "Even if it kills me, do it. He deserves to live more than I do."
Her expression turned sad. "When that boy came to me to save your life because he couldn't do it himself, I offered him your life for every memory that could ever exist of him. I knew what his destiny was, and I claimed all the power it held. Everyone forgot and I gathered all the energy of their thoughts and feelings and kept it." She stared right into Arthur's eyes, into his soul. "Seers still know him as a mysterious figure in their dreams and visions. His destiny was so great that it still echoes in the magic that runs throughout the world. You, Arthur Pendragon, are different. You remember because of an entirely different reason."
"What are you talking about? Just take it all back!" Arthur demanded.
She shook her head. "I cannot. He created the magic that took your memories, so he created the key to unlock them. I do not have the key." Arthur opened his mouth to ask a question, but she continued on before he could. "He couldn't save you with the powers he possessed at the time, he wasn't strong enough. So he came to me, a priestess of the Old Religion, to make a deal. The moment he decided to take the deal, his latent magic reached out to me and caused the deal to become a reality. Every memory anyone has or will ever have of him was collected and given to me to hold. He is not aware he did this and I have not told him. It would be best that he never know." She stared at the altar again, her expression still sorrowful. "That boy would have cut his own heart out and given it to me if I had asked that to save you. I would never wish any pain or harm on him, but that is also his destiny. The hardships make him who he was meant to be."
"If you don't want him to hurt, then tell him about the magic. Have him release the spell so he can come back to Camelot!" Arthur didn't understand what was so wrong with that idea.
The witch gave him a pointed look. "If I told him he caused this, he would spend his every waking moment trying to break it and return things to the way they were before you were injured. It would encompass his entire life and he would never find the answer because the key does not lie within him. He gave it away and the search for it would bring about his death in a very painful and gruesome way," she said almost angrily. Arthur flinched back. The witch's expression changed to something akin to curiosity. "No, Lord Pendragon, the only one who needs to exist to change things….is you."
"Me?"
She nodded. "Yes. The night of Camelot's three hundred year commemorative ball, you saw your servant within the crowds of people. He had snuck in to check on you and you saw him. Though you were not aware of it, your heart realized who he was and you began to remember him. Your servant gave you the key to releasing this spell but you would never have been able to use it if you were normal. If he had given it to the seer, or the knight, or the maid then nothing that is would have been. You, however, could not let him go like they did. Your mind had forgotten but your heart felt that something was missing and all it needed was the tiniest push to put the pieces together. I must thank you for being different, because every time you try to remember him, more power is given to me through those memories."
Now, typically, that sort of statement would have worried Arthur, but there was something about this witch that told Arthur there was no danger in her gaining more power. And besides, he was more interested in getting his servant back at the moment.
"What is the key?" he asked, and a tiny nagging began at the back of his mind.
"I cannot tell you that. Knowing the key is the source of its power. A sorcerer's word is a sorcerer's word. We cannot break the promises we make to one another. I cannot help you," she informed him solemnly.
Arthur didn't understand this woman. She was the reason everyone had forgotten his servant. She posed the deal and his servant accepted it, so it was all her fault. Yet she acted like she cared deeply for the other man and wanted nothing more than to help him. She was a contradiction.
"Arthur," she said gently, and Arthur's tense stance lessened. He calmed to the sound of her voice. "You have always known what was necessary to bring him back to you. You knew the day you spoke to Morgana, and you knew yesterday when you saw him, and you know today. All you need to do is…," she trailed off.
Arthur's mouth moved before his brain had thought of a single thing. "Call his name," he said. "All I need to do is call out to him….and he'll come back." He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment. When he opened his eyes again, the glade was gone and he was standing in an unassuming part of the forest just like every other part. The witch had vanished as well, but thanks to her Arthur knew what he had to do. "Thank you."
He hurried onward through the forest, all the while trying to remember his servant's name. When he found the other man, and he knew he would, he would need a name.
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Merlin was sleeping when the trees began to murmur of a new presence in the area. By the time he woke up, they'd already calmed down to a gentle murmur. If he had heard them, he probably would have run away and Arthur would never have found him. As it was, Merlin was sitting in his little cave, slowly packing his bags, when Arthur found him.
He knew he had to leave, but he didn't want to. He would have to leave Camelot altogether once he left here. If he left now….he might never see Arthur again. Merlin lowered his bag to the ground, all his stuff finally packed, and tried not to cry.
He wouldn't protect Arthur. He wouldn't see him become the king he was destined to become. He wouldn't…..
A twig snapped.
Arthur was stuck. He saw his missing manservant not thirty feet away, yet he couldn't bring himself to speak. He didn't know his name! Here they were, so close to each other, and still Arthur couldn't remember. What if he never remembered?
'Oh forget it. I don't care. I'll just have him introduce himself. Maybe when he does, I'll remember everything. Maybe that's how it works,' he thought at length. He took a step forward and a twig snapped under his foot.
His servant's head shot up. As soon as he saw Arthur, he looked scared and dropped his bag altogether. Arthur knew the look his friend wore. He was planning to run. "Hey," he greeted with a tiny smile, trying to calm the other male down. "My name is Ar-" The other man suddenly bolted out of the cave and took off through the forest. "Hey!" Arthur moved to follow, but suddenly the man was gone. "Wait!"
Dammit! He was losing him again! Always losing him! But this time, Arthur knew for a fact he wouldn't be coming back. Coming back….?
"I'm going back to Ealdor."
"Of course." Bandits were attacking his home village, so of course his servant would want to go back and help. Arthur would go too if he could.
"It's been an honor serving you," the younger man said softly.
He looked at his servant in shock. "You'll be coming back?" he asked, and did not worry that he was showing too much concern. How could he act calm when he might be losing his best friend forever?
"She's my mother," said friend explained. "I've got to look after her before anyone else. You understand?"
Arthur looked away from his servant. He was losing him. "I'd do exactly the same." 'I should say something….something kind of meaningful….I'll probably never see him again.' "Well…," he tried, but nothing was coming to him. Finally he managed, "…You've been terrible. Really, I mean it, the worst servant I've ever had."
His servant friend laughed softly at the comment and then gave him a kind smile that Arthur did his best to return. 'I'll miss you,' Arthur tried to say through his eyes.
"Thank you, Sire." They stared at each other for a moment longer, and his friend seemed to be saying 'I'll miss you too.' Then the servant boy turned to leave.
Arthur took a deep breath. He didn't want to say good-bye just yet. "Merlin-"
Arthur gasped. His name! It was such a simple, normal memory. But his name! His name was-
"MERLIN!" he yelled as loud as he could.
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Merlin, quite a ways away, fell to his knees mid run and held his head. Arthur! Arthur was…..calling him! Merlin could feel all the memories flow through him as if he were a filter before exploding back into the world. He felt the world settle and closed his eyes. Could it be?
"Merlin! Come back here! You're supposed to come when I call! Merlin!"
Merlin smiled. He could hear Arthur's voice in his head though they were probably miles apart. And Arthur remembered! Arthur remembered….
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Arthur gasped when a great wind picked up around him. When it died down, Merlin was standing there before him, with a watery smile on his face. It wasn't like he randomly appeared, he was just standing by a tree several feet away when Arthur opened his eyes after the wind was gone. Merlin was almost hiding behind the tree, as if nervous. Arthur grinned and motioned for him to come closer.
"Come on, Merlin. I'm not going to bite," he said in a playfully annoyed voice.
The smile on Merlin's face grew and he hurried over to where Arthur was standing. "My lord," he greeted. There was a moment where they just stared at each other, something Arthur was beginning to realize they did a lot, and then Arthur cleared his throat nervously and looked away. "You remember me."
Arthur looked back and nodded. His face was almost solemn. "Yes. I've known this world was wrong from the start. You never should have left, Merlin."
Merlin face screwed up at bit. "How could I have stayed? I made a deal to save your life! I would be erased so you would live. I don't think you would've reacted kindly to a random peasant walking into your room the next day that you didn't remember."
Arthur shook his head. "No. I would've had you thrown in jail. What I meant was you never should have made such a deal. My life is no more important than yours. I'm not worth sacrificing yourself to save me."
Merlin shook his head gently. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat."
Arthur stared at Merlin in almost awe for a moment, then inwardly smirked and gave Merlin a curious look. "I never knew you were so keen to die for me," he said playfully.
Merlin smiled in kind. "Believe me….I'd do it any day."
Arthur kept smiling almost softly at his refound friend for a few moments longer, then suddenly pulled him into a tight hug. Merlin gasped. He was stiff in Arthur's arms for a moment, and then cautiously wrapped his arms around Arthur as well. The crowned prince smiled again and squeezed Merlin tighter for a moment before releasing him, but kept his hands on Merlin's shoulders as he pulled away.
"I'm glad your back….Merlin."
Merlin beamed at him. "Happy to be back, milord."
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When they gathered back with the knights, they all looked like there had been a riddle they couldn't solve and suddenly they felt stupid because the answer had been obvious. Merlin rode on Arthur's horse back to Camelot, where Morgana held him tightly and apologized for not being able to help him and for forgetting him in the first place. Before he'd been able to catch his breath from that hug, Gwen had rushed in and tackled him to the floor. She was crying. She remembered meeting him when she didn't know him and how she'd forgotten him again and she knew it must have hurt because she saw the look on his face before he took off again and she was so sorry! Lancelot was long gone by that time and so Merlin didn't have to deal with his apologies….yet.
Gaius did not cry or apologize like Morgana and Gwen had. He and Merlin merely stared at each other for a long time. Then Merlin managed a shy, "Hello again…Gaius," and it seemed to break a trance. Gaius took three steps to reach Merlin and wrapped him in one of the warmest, happiest hugs Merlin had ever been given. It lasted much longer than either of the women's hugs had, but Merlin didn't mind because he was hugging back just as fiercely and for just as long as Gaius was.
"Welcome home."
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Epilogue