Las aguas alrededor del Fandom | Mañana de Domingo
If there was ever a beautiful bride to be seen it was Leonaela Conchita Bonita Boxerita standing in her gigantic white wedding dress as she looked up at her beloved Ramón. The preparations and arrangements had been so last minute that they had to make some revisions.
But that didn't matter! They were finally getting married! The wedding of the century!
That just happened to be on a row boat.
But it was, if you asked the one presiding over the ceremony, the most formidable rowboat in the area! At least until he got a better one! Or the Pearl came back. Standing precariously in the center of the vessel, Captain Jack Sparrow (in his best hat) cleared his throat and looked at the two people before him. "Last chance to back out, mate," he said in an undertone to the man with the hair.
There was no backing out for Ramón. He shook his amazingly silken mane of loose hair over his shoulder and gazed on this strange captain. "El retirarse está para los que sientan la debilidad en sus corazones. Los poetas han escrito del amor intercalado en nuestras almas y hoy usted y su sórdido minúsculo harán historia siempre y cuando todos no nos ahogamos horriblemente a las profundidades del mar."
Leonaela nearly swooned at her lover's words "¡Incluso si nos ahogamos, mi amor, nuestro amor será eterno y nuestra pasión será el gritar oído cada vez que la marea del océano golpea la playa de esta pequeña isla encantadora!"
"Yes, well, no tengo herpes," Jack said because he wanted to feel included. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on what is definitely not a tiny dingy to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony."
Pleased the filthy-looking homeless scoundrel of a captain was clean, Ramón focused on the beauty of Leonaela before him. "En nuestro atascamiento seremos un corazón, una mente, presionada por siempre contra el pecho del levantamiento de la tierra de madre como las aguas de sus océanos ruedan y rocían la semilla de la vida a través de la cara del tiempo."
"¡Oh R-r-r-r-r-ramón!" Leonaela whispered, a perfect tear flowing down one cheek. "Si usted sabía solamente cuánto le amé. Le amé incluso antes de que nos encontramos. Antes de usted sabía el verdadero yo. ¡Era su amor que me dio el valor de ser renacido de modo que pudiera amarle en toda mi gloria del hotness!"
"Yes, well, that's all very nice, but now is the time where we listen to the pirate," Jack said, harrumphing and adjusting his hat. "Marriage is a terrible binding contract..o, savvy? She will suck the marrow from your bones, the treasure from your chests, and the vigor from your loins. And then she'll get fat. El chubby, savvy? Ye be absolutely sure ye want to go through with this?"
Ramón wiped the perfect tear from her cheek and winked at the pirate who would certainly feel the desperation of being without such a woman. "¡El Leonaela más estimado, incluso con los gusanos minúsculos que cubren la guarnición de su estómago, usted será siempre la mujer más caliente que he conocido en todos mis días que vagaba estas tierras! Nunca exceso de libras vienen entre nosotros."
"¡Oh Ramón! Hemos hecho frente tanto junto!" She said her eyes glistening with love and passion. "Si amnesia, magos enanos malvados y carne comiendo las bacterias couldn' t nos rasga aparte, nada nunca."
"Evil dwarf magicians?" Jack repeated. "Interesting. Very well, on to the vows! Repeat after me please, er, Ramón. I, Ramón, promise from this day forward to love, cherish and honor you, to never steal your ship out from under you and leave you on an island to rot, and to always make sure the powder is dry, the rum is plentiful and the treasure abundant."
The captain knew how to put his words together, requiring a moment for Ramón to blink back a manly tear or two before clearing his throat to allow speech. "I, Ramón, promesa a partir de este día adelante al amor, le acaricia y honra, nunca para robar cualquier cosa que no es su corazón, nunca dejarle a la putrefacción solo con sus gusanos, y asegurarle siempre tenga todos lo que usted podría desear."
And then a look crossed over Leonaela's face. One of fear. One of trepidation. "¡Espera! ¡Ramón! ¡Hay algo que debo decirle primero!" she said looking away. "He estado guardando un secreto de usted. Esto no es la primera vez que nos hemos encontrado. Mucho antes usted me encontró en esta forma había una operación. Muchas operaciones. Uno que hizo me mirada caliente como puede ser pero antes de que esto era algún otro. Alguien que usted sabía."
She took a deep breath and looked up into Ramón's eyes. Another perfect tear streamed down her face. "Antes de que fuera
Leonaela Conchita Bonita Boxerita tenía un diverso nombre. En aquel momento usted me conocía como... Juan Sheppardo."
Jack gasped. This was going to be good.
"¡No! ¡Pero usted es tan caliente!" Ramón gasped, a hand pressed to his chest in eye-widening shock at this revelation. His eyes flashed of betrayal and his voice quivered with his lower lip. "¿Cómo podría usted mentir a mí Juan? ¿Juanita? ¿Leonaela? ¡Incluso no sé quién usted es más!"
"¡No! ¿Usted no ve?" Leonaela cried out, desperation clouding her features. "Sigo siendo la mujer que usted ama. Apenas una mujer que fue hecha con cirugía para ser la mujer perfecta apenas para usted. ¡Le he amado siempre Ramón! ¿No puede usted ver eso?"
"Soooo," Jack said slowly. "Am I going to be needed here?"
Ignoring the pirate because he had bigger problems here, Ramón felt detached from his body, his mind reeling in confusion over what they'd done to one another. "¡Pero mi amor, tenía yo sabido solamente antes!" he gasped. "¡Hace años, era usted que amé - sino como el vertedero de Elizabeth!" Background music swelled with the revelation.
A small chuckle issued from Leonaela Juanita Conchita Bonita Boxerita Sheppardo's throat. It was a throaty chuckle. Filled with irony and woe. "Si habíamos sabido solamente," she said touching Ramón's face. "Habríamos podido ser más largos más feliz... pero menos apuesto."
"Yes indeed, we are all very good looking here," Jack said heartily. "So, we're back on again? Drinks all around?"
Ramón leaned in with a growl and kissed Leonaela fast and rough before looking between the two in attendance. "Tendremos el muy mejor mirando la boda casi doble sabida a estas orillas. La chispa de nuestro amor supera toda la manera del alcoholismo y de las cirugías para agregar y para quitar a las partes del cuerpo de repuesto. ¡Y usted, hombre del pirata, todas sus bebidas está en nosotros!"
"Excellent," Jack said. "Especially the part about you paying for my drinks. So, er, Leonaela Juanita et cetera, et cetera, do you take this man who used to be a woman to be your lawfully wed whatever that would make you, promise not to get fat and grow a mustache unless he finds that a turn-on, and only slap him when absolutely necessary?"
"¡Hago!" she cried out as she slapped Ramón across the face is a gesture of her love. "El señor me ayuda y me protege pero amo a este hombre que era una mujer y no quiera nada más pero llevar a sus niños. ¡Es técnico imposible pero no aceptaré eso como posibilidad!"
"Mazel tov," Jack said because why not. "You're married. Do you have shiny things t' exchange?"
Like it was nothing, Ramón pulled a disgustingly huge diamond ring from his pocket, purchased from the Skywalker Diamond Mines with the revenue he'd received from the stolen organs of various vagrants. Pushing the ring onto her finger, he spoke of the symbolism of the act. "Este diamante refleja detrás mil por la belleza de usted ahora, después, y por siempre. Se deslizará encendido con la facilidad de cocinar el aerosol con todo el ninguÌn dar un tirón lo rasgará nunca lejos."
"That is a very nice diamond," Jack commented. Pirates noticed that sort of thing.
And from the folds of her oh-so-beautiful dress, Leonaela pulled out the blingest blingy diamond chip encrusted wedding band that ever was. Liberace would think it was too much. "Y para usted mi amor, le doy este anillo que no sólo brille con el amor que siento para usted pero también tiene una viruta del GPS en él en caso de que los Amazonas pymgy le secuestre y se tome nunca en la selva tropical. Otra vez."
"That is also a very nice diamond," Jack replied. "Very well, kiss her and give me my rum."
Jack was such a romantic.
Oblivious to the pirate's demands of rum, Leonaela suddenly began to feel faint. "¡Ramón!" she cried out dramatically. ¡Béseme rápidamente! ¡Pienso que los parásitos del estómago han alcanzado el estadio final de la trama! ¡Temo que éste pueda ser el extremo!"
Ramón leaned in quickly, his eyes going wide as he could see his fair Leonaela slipping away like an after holiday sale right before him. "¡No! ¡Está demasiado pronto!" He kissed her then, willing the pain of the monsters consuming her to transfer to him.
The kiss was beautiful and long and passionate. The single beautiful tear made its appearance again as Leonaela began to cough. "¡Ramón! Antes de que muera hay algo que usted debe saber," she said weakly as she reached up to touch Ramón's face. "¡Rodnero McKayo es su padre!"
And with that the light in Leonaela's eyes dimmed and she went limp in his arms.
Ramón gasped at her final revelation. "¡Pero cómo! Leonaela, despierta y me dice cómo éste podría ser," he shook her limp body, clinging to her at the very last. "¡Mi amor, usted debe explicar!" But there was no making her lifeless corpse talk, and Ramón was left to throw the pirate some rum and demand he take them back to shore. "Con él todo, pensé siempre que ella lo haría al especialista y que sería curada. Quizás nuestro amor quemó demasiado brillantemente al último."
His lips tasted of powdered sugar and lost chances as they rowed the dingy home.
"Jack stared--hard--at the body in his boat. "I also know funeral proceedings?" he offered. "Half price."
[Continued from here. Preplayed with the glorious memberslonely and capt_maxfactor. All translations courtesy of Babelfish. For those who would like to see the English translation of the scene you may go here. NFI, OOC A-OK!]
But that didn't matter! They were finally getting married! The wedding of the century!
That just happened to be on a row boat.
But it was, if you asked the one presiding over the ceremony, the most formidable rowboat in the area! At least until he got a better one! Or the Pearl came back. Standing precariously in the center of the vessel, Captain Jack Sparrow (in his best hat) cleared his throat and looked at the two people before him. "Last chance to back out, mate," he said in an undertone to the man with the hair.
There was no backing out for Ramón. He shook his amazingly silken mane of loose hair over his shoulder and gazed on this strange captain. "El retirarse está para los que sientan la debilidad en sus corazones. Los poetas han escrito del amor intercalado en nuestras almas y hoy usted y su sórdido minúsculo harán historia siempre y cuando todos no nos ahogamos horriblemente a las profundidades del mar."
Leonaela nearly swooned at her lover's words "¡Incluso si nos ahogamos, mi amor, nuestro amor será eterno y nuestra pasión será el gritar oído cada vez que la marea del océano golpea la playa de esta pequeña isla encantadora!"
"Yes, well, no tengo herpes," Jack said because he wanted to feel included. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on what is definitely not a tiny dingy to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony."
Pleased the filthy-looking homeless scoundrel of a captain was clean, Ramón focused on the beauty of Leonaela before him. "En nuestro atascamiento seremos un corazón, una mente, presionada por siempre contra el pecho del levantamiento de la tierra de madre como las aguas de sus océanos ruedan y rocían la semilla de la vida a través de la cara del tiempo."
"¡Oh R-r-r-r-r-ramón!" Leonaela whispered, a perfect tear flowing down one cheek. "Si usted sabía solamente cuánto le amé. Le amé incluso antes de que nos encontramos. Antes de usted sabía el verdadero yo. ¡Era su amor que me dio el valor de ser renacido de modo que pudiera amarle en toda mi gloria del hotness!"
"Yes, well, that's all very nice, but now is the time where we listen to the pirate," Jack said, harrumphing and adjusting his hat. "Marriage is a terrible binding contract..o, savvy? She will suck the marrow from your bones, the treasure from your chests, and the vigor from your loins. And then she'll get fat. El chubby, savvy? Ye be absolutely sure ye want to go through with this?"
Ramón wiped the perfect tear from her cheek and winked at the pirate who would certainly feel the desperation of being without such a woman. "¡El Leonaela más estimado, incluso con los gusanos minúsculos que cubren la guarnición de su estómago, usted será siempre la mujer más caliente que he conocido en todos mis días que vagaba estas tierras! Nunca exceso de libras vienen entre nosotros."
"¡Oh Ramón! Hemos hecho frente tanto junto!" She said her eyes glistening with love and passion. "Si amnesia, magos enanos malvados y carne comiendo las bacterias couldn' t nos rasga aparte, nada nunca."
"Evil dwarf magicians?" Jack repeated. "Interesting. Very well, on to the vows! Repeat after me please, er, Ramón. I, Ramón, promise from this day forward to love, cherish and honor you, to never steal your ship out from under you and leave you on an island to rot, and to always make sure the powder is dry, the rum is plentiful and the treasure abundant."
The captain knew how to put his words together, requiring a moment for Ramón to blink back a manly tear or two before clearing his throat to allow speech. "I, Ramón, promesa a partir de este día adelante al amor, le acaricia y honra, nunca para robar cualquier cosa que no es su corazón, nunca dejarle a la putrefacción solo con sus gusanos, y asegurarle siempre tenga todos lo que usted podría desear."
And then a look crossed over Leonaela's face. One of fear. One of trepidation. "¡Espera! ¡Ramón! ¡Hay algo que debo decirle primero!" she said looking away. "He estado guardando un secreto de usted. Esto no es la primera vez que nos hemos encontrado. Mucho antes usted me encontró en esta forma había una operación. Muchas operaciones. Uno que hizo me mirada caliente como puede ser pero antes de que esto era algún otro. Alguien que usted sabía."
She took a deep breath and looked up into Ramón's eyes. Another perfect tear streamed down her face. "Antes de que fuera
Leonaela Conchita Bonita Boxerita tenía un diverso nombre. En aquel momento usted me conocía como... Juan Sheppardo."
Jack gasped. This was going to be good.
"¡No! ¡Pero usted es tan caliente!" Ramón gasped, a hand pressed to his chest in eye-widening shock at this revelation. His eyes flashed of betrayal and his voice quivered with his lower lip. "¿Cómo podría usted mentir a mí Juan? ¿Juanita? ¿Leonaela? ¡Incluso no sé quién usted es más!"
"¡No! ¿Usted no ve?" Leonaela cried out, desperation clouding her features. "Sigo siendo la mujer que usted ama. Apenas una mujer que fue hecha con cirugía para ser la mujer perfecta apenas para usted. ¡Le he amado siempre Ramón! ¿No puede usted ver eso?"
"Soooo," Jack said slowly. "Am I going to be needed here?"
Ignoring the pirate because he had bigger problems here, Ramón felt detached from his body, his mind reeling in confusion over what they'd done to one another. "¡Pero mi amor, tenía yo sabido solamente antes!" he gasped. "¡Hace años, era usted que amé - sino como el vertedero de Elizabeth!" Background music swelled with the revelation.
A small chuckle issued from Leonaela Juanita Conchita Bonita Boxerita Sheppardo's throat. It was a throaty chuckle. Filled with irony and woe. "Si habíamos sabido solamente," she said touching Ramón's face. "Habríamos podido ser más largos más feliz... pero menos apuesto."
"Yes indeed, we are all very good looking here," Jack said heartily. "So, we're back on again? Drinks all around?"
Ramón leaned in with a growl and kissed Leonaela fast and rough before looking between the two in attendance. "Tendremos el muy mejor mirando la boda casi doble sabida a estas orillas. La chispa de nuestro amor supera toda la manera del alcoholismo y de las cirugías para agregar y para quitar a las partes del cuerpo de repuesto. ¡Y usted, hombre del pirata, todas sus bebidas está en nosotros!"
"Excellent," Jack said. "Especially the part about you paying for my drinks. So, er, Leonaela Juanita et cetera, et cetera, do you take this man who used to be a woman to be your lawfully wed whatever that would make you, promise not to get fat and grow a mustache unless he finds that a turn-on, and only slap him when absolutely necessary?"
"¡Hago!" she cried out as she slapped Ramón across the face is a gesture of her love. "El señor me ayuda y me protege pero amo a este hombre que era una mujer y no quiera nada más pero llevar a sus niños. ¡Es técnico imposible pero no aceptaré eso como posibilidad!"
"Mazel tov," Jack said because why not. "You're married. Do you have shiny things t' exchange?"
Like it was nothing, Ramón pulled a disgustingly huge diamond ring from his pocket, purchased from the Skywalker Diamond Mines with the revenue he'd received from the stolen organs of various vagrants. Pushing the ring onto her finger, he spoke of the symbolism of the act. "Este diamante refleja detrás mil por la belleza de usted ahora, después, y por siempre. Se deslizará encendido con la facilidad de cocinar el aerosol con todo el ninguÌn dar un tirón lo rasgará nunca lejos."
"That is a very nice diamond," Jack commented. Pirates noticed that sort of thing.
And from the folds of her oh-so-beautiful dress, Leonaela pulled out the blingest blingy diamond chip encrusted wedding band that ever was. Liberace would think it was too much. "Y para usted mi amor, le doy este anillo que no sólo brille con el amor que siento para usted pero también tiene una viruta del GPS en él en caso de que los Amazonas pymgy le secuestre y se tome nunca en la selva tropical. Otra vez."
"That is also a very nice diamond," Jack replied. "Very well, kiss her and give me my rum."
Jack was such a romantic.
Oblivious to the pirate's demands of rum, Leonaela suddenly began to feel faint. "¡Ramón!" she cried out dramatically. ¡Béseme rápidamente! ¡Pienso que los parásitos del estómago han alcanzado el estadio final de la trama! ¡Temo que éste pueda ser el extremo!"
Ramón leaned in quickly, his eyes going wide as he could see his fair Leonaela slipping away like an after holiday sale right before him. "¡No! ¡Está demasiado pronto!" He kissed her then, willing the pain of the monsters consuming her to transfer to him.
The kiss was beautiful and long and passionate. The single beautiful tear made its appearance again as Leonaela began to cough. "¡Ramón! Antes de que muera hay algo que usted debe saber," she said weakly as she reached up to touch Ramón's face. "¡Rodnero McKayo es su padre!"
And with that the light in Leonaela's eyes dimmed and she went limp in his arms.
Ramón gasped at her final revelation. "¡Pero cómo! Leonaela, despierta y me dice cómo éste podría ser," he shook her limp body, clinging to her at the very last. "¡Mi amor, usted debe explicar!" But there was no making her lifeless corpse talk, and Ramón was left to throw the pirate some rum and demand he take them back to shore. "Con él todo, pensé siempre que ella lo haría al especialista y que sería curada. Quizás nuestro amor quemó demasiado brillantemente al último."
His lips tasted of powdered sugar and lost chances as they rowed the dingy home.
"Jack stared--hard--at the body in his boat. "I also know funeral proceedings?" he offered. "Half price."
[Continued from here. Preplayed with the glorious memberslonely and capt_maxfactor. All translations courtesy of Babelfish. For those who would like to see the English translation of the scene you may go here. NFI, OOC A-OK!]