Drunk People Say the Darnedest Things
So if you don't know already, my fiance Josh and I are in his hometown of Glasgow, Montana spending the holidays with his family. Usually I go everywhere he does, but last night he wanted to go to the bar 'cause he'd heard a lot of guys from his grad year in high school was there, and I decided not to tag along 'cause all I end up doing is standing there quietly listening to his conversations. Well, he came home last night completely inebriated. It was certainly a sight to see and HEAR. He said some of the most hilarious things, so I'm going to transcribe the conversations that I can recall. I'll abbreviate with J for Josh and B for me :P.
[Talking about the sellout.woot.com deal which was 2 DVD players]
J: Can I get them?
B: No, you don't need them.
J: But I want them.
B: That's what you have the Xbox for.
J: But what about the stuff I got for Christmas. [His sister gave him NCIS season 5 and 6 DVD sets]
B: You can watch them on the Xbox.
J: One can be for season 5 and the other can be for season 6 and season 7 can be for the Xbox.
B: You can watch them all on the Xbox, honey.
J: But what if I want to watch them at the same time.
B: You don't need to watch them at the same time.
J: But I want to. Then I can get through them faster.
[Posted on FB that he's drunk, and he replies with "I'm Soper" so I confronted him]
B: So you're soper huh?
J: Yeah.
B: Are you soPer?
J: Yeah, I'm sober.
B: So you're sober, not soper?
J: It's the same thing.
B: No, honey, it's not the same thing.
J: Yeah, it is. Same difference.
[It goes on, but you get the point LOL]
[After watching him funnily typing on the computer and not being able to punch in his password for different things, he decided to watch TV and he was trying to figure out the remote]
J: Where's the enter button? Where's the enter button on this thing. It's stupid. There's record, info...
B: What do you need the enter button for, love?
J: So it goes faster.
[Finally got him to go to bed, and he just stripped to his boxers and climbed into bed]
B: Honey, you should take your contacts out or your eyes will be dry in the morning.
J: You take them out for me.
B: I can't take them out for you, love.
J: I can't take them out.
[He pulls at his eyelid and eyelashes]
B: No, no! Okay, you can leave them in then.
J: But will my eyes hurt?
B: No, your eyes won't hurt.
J: Are you sure?
B: Yeah.
J: But I want to take them out.
[He continues to pull on his eyelids and lashed]
B: You don't need to, honey.
[He finally thinks to actually take them out of his eye and after some struggle, he gets one out]
J: I got one. [and he holds it up in the air]
B: Okay, don't move.
[I get his contact case and try to get him to put it in there. I end up just grabbing it from him and placing it in there]
B: Okay, now your other one.
[He takes it out and holds it up in the same fashion]
B: Put it in here.
J: No! It's mine. It's not yours.
B: But you need to put it in the case, love.
J: Okay, but if anything happens to it, you'll be in trouble in the morning. Okay?
B: Okay, honey. [The contacts go in the case]
[I'm about to change into my PJs]
J: Is it nakie time?
B: No, I'm just changing.
J: It should be nakie time. 1. 2. 3. Nakie time!
[I lay with him in bed. I keep giggling at his drunken state]
J: Why are you laughing at me?
B: Because you're drunk.
J: I'm not drunk. I'm soberber.
B: You're not sober if you say it with two -ber's, love.
J: I didn't say it with two -ber's. I said I'm soberber.
[I laugh some more]
J: You tricked me!
[Some time later we're still laying in bed and he has an arm draped over me]
B: I have to go turn out the lights now.
J: No, you can't go. My arm has to stay right here.
B: But I need to turn off the lights.
J: No, my arm can't move.
B: But it's bright. I can't sleep.
J: Yeah, you can. Just close your eyes and it's dark. It's like two curtains.
B: Two curtains, huh?
J: Yeah.
B: I'm going to turn off the lights now.
J: No. If you do, you'll be in punished.
B: What kind of punishment?
J: Oh, I don't know. Something naughty.
[He got nauseas and puked in the bathroom after turning too quickly in bed. He wanted some water so I went to go get some with some difficulty. The mug on the desk in our room had been sitting there forever and I thought so, but he insisted that was the one he got the night before. I got him water in that in the dark and came back to give it to him. Dust was floating in it. I got him some water in another glass. I get back, and he's crouched over the vent where the heat is coming out]
J: I'm cold.
B: Here's your water, honey.
[He takes a sip and gives it back]
B: You should put it on your bedside table in case you want more.
J: Okay. Can I sleep here?
B: No, honey. Your back will hurt.
J: But it's so warm.
B: You'll be warm in bed too once you get under the covers.
J: But it's warm here.
B: You'll be warm if you put on your shirt. We'll put on your shirt, okay? [I help him put on his shirt] Let's get in bed, and you'll have my body heat too.
J: Yeah? Okay. [He climbs on top of me]
That's all that I can remember lol. It was a very eventful night for me. Loving life!
[Talking about the sellout.woot.com deal which was 2 DVD players]
J: Can I get them?
B: No, you don't need them.
J: But I want them.
B: That's what you have the Xbox for.
J: But what about the stuff I got for Christmas. [His sister gave him NCIS season 5 and 6 DVD sets]
B: You can watch them on the Xbox.
J: One can be for season 5 and the other can be for season 6 and season 7 can be for the Xbox.
B: You can watch them all on the Xbox, honey.
J: But what if I want to watch them at the same time.
B: You don't need to watch them at the same time.
J: But I want to. Then I can get through them faster.
[Posted on FB that he's drunk, and he replies with "I'm Soper" so I confronted him]
B: So you're soper huh?
J: Yeah.
B: Are you soPer?
J: Yeah, I'm sober.
B: So you're sober, not soper?
J: It's the same thing.
B: No, honey, it's not the same thing.
J: Yeah, it is. Same difference.
[It goes on, but you get the point LOL]
[After watching him funnily typing on the computer and not being able to punch in his password for different things, he decided to watch TV and he was trying to figure out the remote]
J: Where's the enter button? Where's the enter button on this thing. It's stupid. There's record, info...
B: What do you need the enter button for, love?
J: So it goes faster.
[Finally got him to go to bed, and he just stripped to his boxers and climbed into bed]
B: Honey, you should take your contacts out or your eyes will be dry in the morning.
J: You take them out for me.
B: I can't take them out for you, love.
J: I can't take them out.
[He pulls at his eyelid and eyelashes]
B: No, no! Okay, you can leave them in then.
J: But will my eyes hurt?
B: No, your eyes won't hurt.
J: Are you sure?
B: Yeah.
J: But I want to take them out.
[He continues to pull on his eyelids and lashed]
B: You don't need to, honey.
[He finally thinks to actually take them out of his eye and after some struggle, he gets one out]
J: I got one. [and he holds it up in the air]
B: Okay, don't move.
[I get his contact case and try to get him to put it in there. I end up just grabbing it from him and placing it in there]
B: Okay, now your other one.
[He takes it out and holds it up in the same fashion]
B: Put it in here.
J: No! It's mine. It's not yours.
B: But you need to put it in the case, love.
J: Okay, but if anything happens to it, you'll be in trouble in the morning. Okay?
B: Okay, honey. [The contacts go in the case]
[I'm about to change into my PJs]
J: Is it nakie time?
B: No, I'm just changing.
J: It should be nakie time. 1. 2. 3. Nakie time!
[I lay with him in bed. I keep giggling at his drunken state]
J: Why are you laughing at me?
B: Because you're drunk.
J: I'm not drunk. I'm soberber.
B: You're not sober if you say it with two -ber's, love.
J: I didn't say it with two -ber's. I said I'm soberber.
[I laugh some more]
J: You tricked me!
[Some time later we're still laying in bed and he has an arm draped over me]
B: I have to go turn out the lights now.
J: No, you can't go. My arm has to stay right here.
B: But I need to turn off the lights.
J: No, my arm can't move.
B: But it's bright. I can't sleep.
J: Yeah, you can. Just close your eyes and it's dark. It's like two curtains.
B: Two curtains, huh?
J: Yeah.
B: I'm going to turn off the lights now.
J: No. If you do, you'll be in punished.
B: What kind of punishment?
J: Oh, I don't know. Something naughty.
[He got nauseas and puked in the bathroom after turning too quickly in bed. He wanted some water so I went to go get some with some difficulty. The mug on the desk in our room had been sitting there forever and I thought so, but he insisted that was the one he got the night before. I got him water in that in the dark and came back to give it to him. Dust was floating in it. I got him some water in another glass. I get back, and he's crouched over the vent where the heat is coming out]
J: I'm cold.
B: Here's your water, honey.
[He takes a sip and gives it back]
B: You should put it on your bedside table in case you want more.
J: Okay. Can I sleep here?
B: No, honey. Your back will hurt.
J: But it's so warm.
B: You'll be warm in bed too once you get under the covers.
J: But it's warm here.
B: You'll be warm if you put on your shirt. We'll put on your shirt, okay? [I help him put on his shirt] Let's get in bed, and you'll have my body heat too.
J: Yeah? Okay. [He climbs on top of me]
That's all that I can remember lol. It was a very eventful night for me. Loving life!