(no subject)
I'm in despair...that's the most appropriate word, I think. I'm still drinking. Its only a temporary escape, but an escape none the less. Occasionally I try and reach my hand out for someone to help me, but it either gets smacked away, or they take hold only long enough for me to get a breath, before they let go and I slip back into the dark abyss that I am drowning in. I reach out my hand, but there is no one there. I guess I'll drown then. Drown in what I've been drowning my sorrows in.
I drank yesterday. I drank a lot. More than one bottle. I got sent home from the office at noontime because I wasn't doing any good there. I drove around a little bit trying not to let my mind wander to the topic that it always seems to lately. I called some folks to see what was up, but everyone was gone or working or not answering. I was drinking and I think I finished a bottle of vodka in about a half hour or 45 minutes. I wanted more, but I knew I couldn't drive. I don't know why I called her. I should have known the reaction, but I guess in the state I was in, asking for a ride to the liquor store seemed innocent enough. She got mad at me for asking...maybe she thought it was an attempt at manipulation...I hope not...She hung up on me and then I called her back and apologized to her for asking. I think I asked her how she was doing and she told me that she was reading and that she had to go to work later. I don't remember why she hung up again, but I think she was gonna get back to her book. I guess it was a good effort on her part to curtail my drinking, but I ended up with another bottle of 100 proof whiskey.
Later on I ended up hanging out with Turbo for a while. Mostly some random bullshitting, not much. We did talk about my troubles a little bit, but there is no advice that can solve my problem. He is having a theme party this Saturday, but I'm not sure that I'm really in that social a mood.
What is the cure for love? How can I make my love go away? It does nothing anymore except serve to give me pain. I still feel the love for her that I have and it isn't fading. I wish that was enough for things to work, but apparently they aren't. At least not for me in this life...I've never had that kind of luck...Maybe next go round...
I drank yesterday. I drank a lot. More than one bottle. I got sent home from the office at noontime because I wasn't doing any good there. I drove around a little bit trying not to let my mind wander to the topic that it always seems to lately. I called some folks to see what was up, but everyone was gone or working or not answering. I was drinking and I think I finished a bottle of vodka in about a half hour or 45 minutes. I wanted more, but I knew I couldn't drive. I don't know why I called her. I should have known the reaction, but I guess in the state I was in, asking for a ride to the liquor store seemed innocent enough. She got mad at me for asking...maybe she thought it was an attempt at manipulation...I hope not...She hung up on me and then I called her back and apologized to her for asking. I think I asked her how she was doing and she told me that she was reading and that she had to go to work later. I don't remember why she hung up again, but I think she was gonna get back to her book. I guess it was a good effort on her part to curtail my drinking, but I ended up with another bottle of 100 proof whiskey.
Later on I ended up hanging out with Turbo for a while. Mostly some random bullshitting, not much. We did talk about my troubles a little bit, but there is no advice that can solve my problem. He is having a theme party this Saturday, but I'm not sure that I'm really in that social a mood.
What is the cure for love? How can I make my love go away? It does nothing anymore except serve to give me pain. I still feel the love for her that I have and it isn't fading. I wish that was enough for things to work, but apparently they aren't. At least not for me in this life...I've never had that kind of luck...Maybe next go round...