massive update
So where was I?
school
I’m going to UW. I told them so. I also got offers from McMaster, Guelph, and Laurier. Four for four, babies! And they all offered me money too. McMaster actually offered a bit more cash than UW and I mentioned this to UW (as I had been told to do by someone who is way less of a wuss than I) and UW made an offer that surpassed the one from McMaster. Lo, the gods look upon my scholastic ambitions and smile!
Or the gods look down and laugh because they’re setting me up for some tremendous humiliation. Who knows? But I’m feeling all relieved and lucky and whatnot and let’s enjoy that while it lasts, shall we?
work
When last I rapped at you, I had just given notice. That was on February 22nd. (I remember, because it’s written right over the entry. Handy.) I gave generous, even lavish, amounts of notice. I wanted to book it out by the Ides of March. I offered to stay on until the 23rd “if necessary”. I figured they’d never take me up on that because nobody likes a quitter, right?
When it comes to reading the machine mind of The Corporate Experience, I’m a totally bad guesser. They love quitters! Not only was it apparently necessary that I stick around until next week, but I’ve been offered a lot of casual and temporary work from a few people here. I’m going to view that as a positive thing, but hopefully I won’t have to call in those favours.
celebratory fun
Offers of admission and leaving work seem to be good reasons to celebrate. I’ve been in the celebrating mood for weeks now. When we went to Kingston and Ottawa, I got to see everyone I love (expect the people I love who live in other towns) and make much of our love. Over beer. And I got to skate on the canal with toy_of_thought. If you’ve never done it, you should.
I’ve also gone on a bit of a consumer rampage though. I managed to ditch our television and last night we hauled all of the common computer stuff downstairs. I bought a big, flat-screen monitor and some speakers and it seems reasonable that we’ll eventually be able to buy a credenza or a cabinet of some sort to stuff everything into. Irritatingly, the DVD drive on the computer seems to be having some issues. Last year it was the CD drive. And HP had to replace the printer as well. I don’t know why every component on that machine seems to be stupid, but there you have it. For our film viewing needs, we can hook up one of the laptops without too much trouble, but the point was supposed to be playing it out of the damn computer. And why is it so hard to find a credenza? I even went so far as to poke around at retail outlets. No go! Remember in Ghost World when Enid is ranting about how you want to buy something and you’re like “here, take my money!” but you just can’t find anyone to sell it to you? I think she uses the example of “like, a normal pair of black shoes,” but she’s actually looking for a children’s record. Anyway, that’s the way I feel about the credenza.
The other baffling thing is why, in the month that I’m leaving paid employment, I suddenly feel the need to spend all of my cash.
IEH
He’s still an idiot. I have two recent examples.
Mia got a hair cut a couple of weeks ago. Her bangs had grown very long and were in her eyes a lot of the time. Her solution was to wear a toque. Always. I didn’t mind the “Hommie Mia” look, but her teacher wanted her to observe the no hat rule. Mia objected to the idea of clips or barrettes. Anyway, it wasn’t that complicated - I expected that we’d just a trim with shorter bangs. At the salon, Mia flipped through the book of kids’ styles and decided that she wanted a bob (no bangs). During the hair cut, she wanted the woman to cut off her bangs. Totally: shaved up like the Renaissance. Of course, the woman wouldn’t do that. During The Boy’s hair cut, Ulysses and I had to explain that it just wasn’t done anymore. Mia settled down. Over the next few days, she got a huge amount of compliments at school (particularly from the teachers and administration). I actually got a phone call from the principal, telling me that Mia had been very happy about the whole thing and they were proud of her attitude.
(As a big aside - isn’t my kids’ school adorably hippy-dippy?)
This is all just background to the fact that when Mia and The Boy went to my Idiot Ex-Husband’s house on the Thursday evening, the IEH, his “Wife” and the guy who lives in their basement all felt free to tell Mia that they didn’t like her hair. WTF? A tremendously frustrating email exchange ensued. The IEH apparently thinks that seven year-olds should have a) no autonomy over their appearance and b) be humiliated into ‘good’ behaviour. And I quote:
“I disagree that saying 'I don't like your haircut', is a blow to her self confidence. I believe that she will consider my remarks the next time either you or her are thinking about getting her hair cut and perhaps she will take those comments seriously. She is too young to really understand how the haircut impacts her looks, you, on the other hand are not. Its just another fine example of your parenting skills.”
There was also some creepy genderiffic stuff about how she looks like a boy and she needs to look like a girl and he - the IEH - now has to “endure” this haircut.
In addition to this basic lack of being normal around my kid thing, the IEH had asked that I voluntarily withdrawal our court order from the Family Responsibility Office. (This is the Ontario body that oversees and enforces child and spousal support payments and - according to recent studies - does a pretty lacklustre job of it.) My lawyer explained to me that I had every right to request that payments be handled through the FRO, but that it sometimes took a long time to get the paperwork set up. He suggested that I agree to sign the withdrawal form only if the arrears payment arrived, on time, by January 31st. By some miracle, the IEH paid the arrears on time. However, he failed to submit the signed withdrawal form. When he came to pick up the kids on February 9, I asked him about this. He said he “didn’t do that piece. It didn’t matter.” As he’d already missed the deadline and I didn’t particularly want to withdrawal from the FRO in the first place, I let it be. The IEH had been paying me through direct deposit (he had his company divert part of his pay) since January 1st. His pay periods were every two weeks.
The last week of February, I got a weird email from him, asking me why I hadn’t submitted the withdrawal form. I explained that he hadn’t sent it with the arrears, and therefore I had not signed it. I reminded him that I’d asked him about this more than a week before. He accused my lawyer’s office of losing the withdrawal. (Which I doubt - they inventory everything that comes in.) He sent a replacement, which my lawyer’s then sent to me, which I signed and sent back to them (same day).
Last Thursday, on the IEH’s payday, no child support payment arrived in my bank account. I wrote and asked: “I'm just letting you know that your regular child support payment was not deposited in my bank account via your company's payroll deduction. Please let me know if this is an error.” He wrote back: “Have you submitted the withdrawal through FRO?”
Apparently, his company’s HR department received paperwork from the FRO and, as they must, responded. The IEH was livid and cut off the support payment. He didn’t tell me about this, of course.
The arbitrary cutting off of support was exactly why I was reluctant to handle anything with him on a casual basis and I only had myself to kick for sending in the withdrawal after he’d missed the deadline. I could rescind that, of course, by the FRO charges a refilling fee of $50.00. Fortunately, when I called the FRO, that paperwork had not yet been processed. I was able to rescind it without penalty. I faxed them to put this in writing and to explain that I’d received four payments from the IEH directly. So, all in all, it was resolved fairly painlessly. (Someday, I expect the money from the FRO will actually show up too.)
Apparently, “Wife” called and left a message on our answering machine while I was trying to figure out - via email - what had actually happened. According to the bizarre message, now that I’ve quite my job, it’s their “time to mess with me”. Also, I am to “stop fucking harassing him or [she] will not stop making [my] life miserable”. One - or both - of these people is crazy.
school
I’m going to UW. I told them so. I also got offers from McMaster, Guelph, and Laurier. Four for four, babies! And they all offered me money too. McMaster actually offered a bit more cash than UW and I mentioned this to UW (as I had been told to do by someone who is way less of a wuss than I) and UW made an offer that surpassed the one from McMaster. Lo, the gods look upon my scholastic ambitions and smile!
Or the gods look down and laugh because they’re setting me up for some tremendous humiliation. Who knows? But I’m feeling all relieved and lucky and whatnot and let’s enjoy that while it lasts, shall we?
work
When last I rapped at you, I had just given notice. That was on February 22nd. (I remember, because it’s written right over the entry. Handy.) I gave generous, even lavish, amounts of notice. I wanted to book it out by the Ides of March. I offered to stay on until the 23rd “if necessary”. I figured they’d never take me up on that because nobody likes a quitter, right?
When it comes to reading the machine mind of The Corporate Experience, I’m a totally bad guesser. They love quitters! Not only was it apparently necessary that I stick around until next week, but I’ve been offered a lot of casual and temporary work from a few people here. I’m going to view that as a positive thing, but hopefully I won’t have to call in those favours.
celebratory fun
Offers of admission and leaving work seem to be good reasons to celebrate. I’ve been in the celebrating mood for weeks now. When we went to Kingston and Ottawa, I got to see everyone I love (expect the people I love who live in other towns) and make much of our love. Over beer. And I got to skate on the canal with toy_of_thought. If you’ve never done it, you should.
I’ve also gone on a bit of a consumer rampage though. I managed to ditch our television and last night we hauled all of the common computer stuff downstairs. I bought a big, flat-screen monitor and some speakers and it seems reasonable that we’ll eventually be able to buy a credenza or a cabinet of some sort to stuff everything into. Irritatingly, the DVD drive on the computer seems to be having some issues. Last year it was the CD drive. And HP had to replace the printer as well. I don’t know why every component on that machine seems to be stupid, but there you have it. For our film viewing needs, we can hook up one of the laptops without too much trouble, but the point was supposed to be playing it out of the damn computer. And why is it so hard to find a credenza? I even went so far as to poke around at retail outlets. No go! Remember in Ghost World when Enid is ranting about how you want to buy something and you’re like “here, take my money!” but you just can’t find anyone to sell it to you? I think she uses the example of “like, a normal pair of black shoes,” but she’s actually looking for a children’s record. Anyway, that’s the way I feel about the credenza.
The other baffling thing is why, in the month that I’m leaving paid employment, I suddenly feel the need to spend all of my cash.
IEH
He’s still an idiot. I have two recent examples.
Mia got a hair cut a couple of weeks ago. Her bangs had grown very long and were in her eyes a lot of the time. Her solution was to wear a toque. Always. I didn’t mind the “Hommie Mia” look, but her teacher wanted her to observe the no hat rule. Mia objected to the idea of clips or barrettes. Anyway, it wasn’t that complicated - I expected that we’d just a trim with shorter bangs. At the salon, Mia flipped through the book of kids’ styles and decided that she wanted a bob (no bangs). During the hair cut, she wanted the woman to cut off her bangs. Totally: shaved up like the Renaissance. Of course, the woman wouldn’t do that. During The Boy’s hair cut, Ulysses and I had to explain that it just wasn’t done anymore. Mia settled down. Over the next few days, she got a huge amount of compliments at school (particularly from the teachers and administration). I actually got a phone call from the principal, telling me that Mia had been very happy about the whole thing and they were proud of her attitude.
(As a big aside - isn’t my kids’ school adorably hippy-dippy?)
This is all just background to the fact that when Mia and The Boy went to my Idiot Ex-Husband’s house on the Thursday evening, the IEH, his “Wife” and the guy who lives in their basement all felt free to tell Mia that they didn’t like her hair. WTF? A tremendously frustrating email exchange ensued. The IEH apparently thinks that seven year-olds should have a) no autonomy over their appearance and b) be humiliated into ‘good’ behaviour. And I quote:
“I disagree that saying 'I don't like your haircut', is a blow to her self confidence. I believe that she will consider my remarks the next time either you or her are thinking about getting her hair cut and perhaps she will take those comments seriously. She is too young to really understand how the haircut impacts her looks, you, on the other hand are not. Its just another fine example of your parenting skills.”
There was also some creepy genderiffic stuff about how she looks like a boy and she needs to look like a girl and he - the IEH - now has to “endure” this haircut.
In addition to this basic lack of being normal around my kid thing, the IEH had asked that I voluntarily withdrawal our court order from the Family Responsibility Office. (This is the Ontario body that oversees and enforces child and spousal support payments and - according to recent studies - does a pretty lacklustre job of it.) My lawyer explained to me that I had every right to request that payments be handled through the FRO, but that it sometimes took a long time to get the paperwork set up. He suggested that I agree to sign the withdrawal form only if the arrears payment arrived, on time, by January 31st. By some miracle, the IEH paid the arrears on time. However, he failed to submit the signed withdrawal form. When he came to pick up the kids on February 9, I asked him about this. He said he “didn’t do that piece. It didn’t matter.” As he’d already missed the deadline and I didn’t particularly want to withdrawal from the FRO in the first place, I let it be. The IEH had been paying me through direct deposit (he had his company divert part of his pay) since January 1st. His pay periods were every two weeks.
The last week of February, I got a weird email from him, asking me why I hadn’t submitted the withdrawal form. I explained that he hadn’t sent it with the arrears, and therefore I had not signed it. I reminded him that I’d asked him about this more than a week before. He accused my lawyer’s office of losing the withdrawal. (Which I doubt - they inventory everything that comes in.) He sent a replacement, which my lawyer’s then sent to me, which I signed and sent back to them (same day).
Last Thursday, on the IEH’s payday, no child support payment arrived in my bank account. I wrote and asked: “I'm just letting you know that your regular child support payment was not deposited in my bank account via your company's payroll deduction. Please let me know if this is an error.” He wrote back: “Have you submitted the withdrawal through FRO?”
Apparently, his company’s HR department received paperwork from the FRO and, as they must, responded. The IEH was livid and cut off the support payment. He didn’t tell me about this, of course.
The arbitrary cutting off of support was exactly why I was reluctant to handle anything with him on a casual basis and I only had myself to kick for sending in the withdrawal after he’d missed the deadline. I could rescind that, of course, by the FRO charges a refilling fee of $50.00. Fortunately, when I called the FRO, that paperwork had not yet been processed. I was able to rescind it without penalty. I faxed them to put this in writing and to explain that I’d received four payments from the IEH directly. So, all in all, it was resolved fairly painlessly. (Someday, I expect the money from the FRO will actually show up too.)
Apparently, “Wife” called and left a message on our answering machine while I was trying to figure out - via email - what had actually happened. According to the bizarre message, now that I’ve quite my job, it’s their “time to mess with me”. Also, I am to “stop fucking harassing him or [she] will not stop making [my] life miserable”. One - or both - of these people is crazy.