Under Pressure
I've been having a lot of weight in my mind lately... And those weights are making me unable to enjoy myself even spazzing to SHINee T~T
It all started around late January. My manager told me that i will be sent to a training program in Beijing for 2 weeks. He said there's no certain date yet, but it's gonna be around the beginning of March (2014), probably 1st or 2nd week of March. I was pretty ecstatic, my manager said Beijing was just across Korea so i might fly there on the weekend. And i thought, OMG 1st week of March means SHINee World Concert 3 in Seoul!!! I already asked a friend who's studying in Korea if she could help me with accommodation and stuff and she's willing to help T~T
I almost bought the concert ticket too, but they're all sold out pretty quickly, so i was hoping i can find somebody who wants to sell their ticket later nearing the concert date. I already prepared all documents needed to make my visa to go to Seoul. But then i waited for long and still there's no further notice about this training program.
One day by the 3rd week of February, suddenly my dance instructor (yes, i took a dance class for my spare time) said that there'll be a dance showcase on March 2nd, and our class is going to participate. I was pretty excited about this too coz it's gonna be a pretty big stage to perform, i can finally show what i've learned so far. But then i was kinda nervous too, what if the date is the same as my flight to Beijing? (coz manager said it's around the 1st/2nd week of March. I got me into a dilemma, if i practice for showcase and in the end the flight date is on March 2nd too, i'd feel guilty for my classmates coz they'd have to rearrange their dance formation and such, but if i don't practice and the flight is on the other day then i'd miss the showcase and regret that decision for my whole life. But despite the confusion and the uncertainty i decided to just keep practicing coz there's still no certain date for the training and since it's already a week before March i thought maybe the training's cancelled (i mean, i haven't even made my visa yet).
Everything's going smooth till suddenly i got sick around D-6 of the showcase. I caught a fever. I thought it's just a common fever that would go away after i had a day rest. But apparently it was a bit more serious. After 2 days of laying down on my bed alone in my Boarding House room, my mom came and took me home to my hometown since nobody's taking care of me (i don't really have any relatives in the town i'm working at). The doctor suspected it to be the symptoms of Typhoid Fever so i had to rest a bit longer and well i think you can guess how it ended... Yep, i skipped the showcase entirely T_____________T I was soooo upset, i had to skip work for 4 days and then skipped the showcase too. I cried A LOT during that week where i got sick, first because i missed my family (during the first days of my sickness), then coz i was upset for skipping the showcase too. But fortunately, i was getting better by the weekend so i could already go back to work by Monday (March 3rd).
Not long after i finally heard more about the training program, apparently it's gonna be held on 6th-23rd of April, so i still had a month to go. I couldn't attend SWC 3 but that's okay, i'll just save up the money and visit Korea later for a vacation. I was getting ready to get another notice from the office especially regarding the making of the visa to go to Beijing. So i carried my passport in my backpack all the time just in case it's suddenly needed. Everything's going fine and i thought it was the end of my misery, but boy how i was wrong -_____-a
On March 5th (only 2 days after i got back to work), i was having a strawberry float at Burger King in a mall near my boarding house with a friend, we were waiting for our other friends coz one of the friend was treating us for dinner in regards of her birthday. I put my backpack down near my right foot coz it's a 2-seater table and there's no other place to put my backpack. I had it laid on my right foot so i could feel it if it's being moved or anything. Apparently i had my guard down somehow coz the next thing i know, my backpack had gone. I was flabbergasted. I talked to the manager of the BK and he helped me check the security camera. Apparently the act of thievery was caught in the camera. It was the guy who sat behind me + his accomplice who sat next to our table. He was so sly and he just took off with the bag. All the important documents were there, my passport, my IDs, Driver's License, Bank books, Debit cards, my iPad, all my precious stationary, my wallet, my Taemin Please Please Please tumbler, my Cosmicaa name tag, My Etude House SHINI STAR compact and lip balm (which had finally reached the bottom of the tin where i could already see Taemin's autograph), and just EVERYTHING else OTL
Fortunately i was holding my phone at that time so the thieves didn't get my cellphone. I called the bank to block all my cards, called my mom and told her everything (which got her pretty hysterical), i reported it to the security office and finally i went to the police station to report it. I tried to remain calm during the whole procedure but in the end when i reached my boarding house, i became a sobbing mess once again. I know i won't get my bag back (not with how the policemen work in this country) but what upsets me the most is the guilt... For being stupid and careless, for losing everything and possibly give more trouble to people around me, and for risking this upcoming Beijing Trip.
My parents said it's gonna be okay, that it wasn't my fault, but still... I can't get over the fact that it was me who put that bag down and let my guard down. And now, i just skipped another 2 days of work to go back to my hometown to make new IDs and new passport. But then the bureaucracy in this country is so long-winded and slow and just downright FRUSTRATING i'm afraid i won't get my passport back by the beginning of April and now i might skip that training program too. Well, i still have time now tho and i can still put on some effort to follow the procedures as quickly as possible but i can't help but feel worried about everything. It's gonna be a very tiring process and i just feel so pressured right now. Mom said if in the end i failed and can't make it to do the training it means God has designed it to be that way, that it's the best path for me and it's gonna be okay. I do understand that but i feel like i'm gonna let many people down if i fail so... burden burden burdensssss!!!! Lots of burdens on my back.
Ah... idk how will it ends yet, but wish me luck and pray for me, may the best ending is what i'll get T~T
I'm gonna skip more work, trouble my family, spend more money, and spend more time to get the whole procedure of retrieving my passport and IDs back but i'll try my best to do everything diligently, be stronger (especially mentally), be happy and still enjoy life as much as possible and be prepared for what's gonna happen in the future.
Less tears and more smiles *chants chants*
I CAN DO IT!!!
HWAITING!!!!!!!!!!! \(*o*)/
It all started around late January. My manager told me that i will be sent to a training program in Beijing for 2 weeks. He said there's no certain date yet, but it's gonna be around the beginning of March (2014), probably 1st or 2nd week of March. I was pretty ecstatic, my manager said Beijing was just across Korea so i might fly there on the weekend. And i thought, OMG 1st week of March means SHINee World Concert 3 in Seoul!!! I already asked a friend who's studying in Korea if she could help me with accommodation and stuff and she's willing to help T~T
I almost bought the concert ticket too, but they're all sold out pretty quickly, so i was hoping i can find somebody who wants to sell their ticket later nearing the concert date. I already prepared all documents needed to make my visa to go to Seoul. But then i waited for long and still there's no further notice about this training program.
One day by the 3rd week of February, suddenly my dance instructor (yes, i took a dance class for my spare time) said that there'll be a dance showcase on March 2nd, and our class is going to participate. I was pretty excited about this too coz it's gonna be a pretty big stage to perform, i can finally show what i've learned so far. But then i was kinda nervous too, what if the date is the same as my flight to Beijing? (coz manager said it's around the 1st/2nd week of March. I got me into a dilemma, if i practice for showcase and in the end the flight date is on March 2nd too, i'd feel guilty for my classmates coz they'd have to rearrange their dance formation and such, but if i don't practice and the flight is on the other day then i'd miss the showcase and regret that decision for my whole life. But despite the confusion and the uncertainty i decided to just keep practicing coz there's still no certain date for the training and since it's already a week before March i thought maybe the training's cancelled (i mean, i haven't even made my visa yet).
Everything's going smooth till suddenly i got sick around D-6 of the showcase. I caught a fever. I thought it's just a common fever that would go away after i had a day rest. But apparently it was a bit more serious. After 2 days of laying down on my bed alone in my Boarding House room, my mom came and took me home to my hometown since nobody's taking care of me (i don't really have any relatives in the town i'm working at). The doctor suspected it to be the symptoms of Typhoid Fever so i had to rest a bit longer and well i think you can guess how it ended... Yep, i skipped the showcase entirely T_____________T I was soooo upset, i had to skip work for 4 days and then skipped the showcase too. I cried A LOT during that week where i got sick, first because i missed my family (during the first days of my sickness), then coz i was upset for skipping the showcase too. But fortunately, i was getting better by the weekend so i could already go back to work by Monday (March 3rd).
Not long after i finally heard more about the training program, apparently it's gonna be held on 6th-23rd of April, so i still had a month to go. I couldn't attend SWC 3 but that's okay, i'll just save up the money and visit Korea later for a vacation. I was getting ready to get another notice from the office especially regarding the making of the visa to go to Beijing. So i carried my passport in my backpack all the time just in case it's suddenly needed. Everything's going fine and i thought it was the end of my misery, but boy how i was wrong -_____-a
On March 5th (only 2 days after i got back to work), i was having a strawberry float at Burger King in a mall near my boarding house with a friend, we were waiting for our other friends coz one of the friend was treating us for dinner in regards of her birthday. I put my backpack down near my right foot coz it's a 2-seater table and there's no other place to put my backpack. I had it laid on my right foot so i could feel it if it's being moved or anything. Apparently i had my guard down somehow coz the next thing i know, my backpack had gone. I was flabbergasted. I talked to the manager of the BK and he helped me check the security camera. Apparently the act of thievery was caught in the camera. It was the guy who sat behind me + his accomplice who sat next to our table. He was so sly and he just took off with the bag. All the important documents were there, my passport, my IDs, Driver's License, Bank books, Debit cards, my iPad, all my precious stationary, my wallet, my Taemin Please Please Please tumbler, my Cosmicaa name tag, My Etude House SHINI STAR compact and lip balm (which had finally reached the bottom of the tin where i could already see Taemin's autograph), and just EVERYTHING else OTL
Fortunately i was holding my phone at that time so the thieves didn't get my cellphone. I called the bank to block all my cards, called my mom and told her everything (which got her pretty hysterical), i reported it to the security office and finally i went to the police station to report it. I tried to remain calm during the whole procedure but in the end when i reached my boarding house, i became a sobbing mess once again. I know i won't get my bag back (not with how the policemen work in this country) but what upsets me the most is the guilt... For being stupid and careless, for losing everything and possibly give more trouble to people around me, and for risking this upcoming Beijing Trip.
My parents said it's gonna be okay, that it wasn't my fault, but still... I can't get over the fact that it was me who put that bag down and let my guard down. And now, i just skipped another 2 days of work to go back to my hometown to make new IDs and new passport. But then the bureaucracy in this country is so long-winded and slow and just downright FRUSTRATING i'm afraid i won't get my passport back by the beginning of April and now i might skip that training program too. Well, i still have time now tho and i can still put on some effort to follow the procedures as quickly as possible but i can't help but feel worried about everything. It's gonna be a very tiring process and i just feel so pressured right now. Mom said if in the end i failed and can't make it to do the training it means God has designed it to be that way, that it's the best path for me and it's gonna be okay. I do understand that but i feel like i'm gonna let many people down if i fail so... burden burden burdensssss!!!! Lots of burdens on my back.
Ah... idk how will it ends yet, but wish me luck and pray for me, may the best ending is what i'll get T~T
I'm gonna skip more work, trouble my family, spend more money, and spend more time to get the whole procedure of retrieving my passport and IDs back but i'll try my best to do everything diligently, be stronger (especially mentally), be happy and still enjoy life as much as possible and be prepared for what's gonna happen in the future.
Less tears and more smiles *chants chants*
I CAN DO IT!!!
HWAITING!!!!!!!!!!! \(*o*)/