Letting Go.
We’re getting ready to leave the wedding reception and we’re saying our goodbyes to family and friends. I see Jensen approach Jared, and I can’t help but watch as at first they speak quietly to one another and then they hug. Jensen’s arms are wrapped around Jared’s neck, and I’m surprised that Jared can even breathe with how tightly Jensen is holding him.
As for Jared, I can see how he’s pulled Jensen to him, his large hand splayed out possessively in the centre of his back. As they hug I see Jared’s eyes slip shut, an intense expression on his face as if he’s memorizing every precious second of this goodbye; the way that Jensen feels in his arms; the smell of his cologne; each memory to be catalogued and stored away like a precious treasure.
Then Jared opens his eyes and he looks at me. I smile back at him. I can see that Jared is gathering the strength it will take to let go of Jensen and send him to me. Finally Jared steps back, holding Jensen at arm’s length, and once more they do their famous communicating without saying a word. So much passes between them in a single look - friendship, partnership and more importantly, love. Jared is smiling although that smile doesn’t reach those hazel eyes. He spins Jensen round slaps him on his back and pushes him towards me.
It’s as Jensen walks towards me I’m gripped with a realization. Jensen isn’t really mine - I’m merely borrowing him from the man who holds Jensen’s heart alongside his own, who loves him enough to let him go.
Jensen stands in front of me and he smiles at me. To anyone else it’s a beautiful smile full of love and devotion. But I know it’s a pale imitation of the smile he gives to Jared, his eyes sparkling with love. I wish I could read those eyes the way Jared can. As we turn to go I see Jensen’s eyes turn once more to Jared, as he gives him the kind of look I can only ever dream of. As I take his hand, I know deep down in my heart, that one day soon I’ll be the one that has to let go.
Steel Belly Rings