Mayonnaise earned
Alright, so it’s late at night and I feel like a sandwich. That is, eating one. So I go into the kitchen, get the bread and whatever else out when I realize I can’t find my mayonnaise. It’s true that I could have settled for Hellmann’s Light, or even Miracle Whip Light, but everybody knows that Hellmann’s Light and Miracle Whip light taste like the kind of mayonnaise that tastes like shit. So I start looking high and low for my full flavored Cains mayonnaise that I know should be around here somewhere because I just used it yesterday, but no luck.
Clearly somebody stole my mayonnaise.
Since I know of no one debased enough to engage in mayonnaise thievery, and no one bold enough to attempt sneaking my mayonnaise past me, I stand perplexed. Then it hits me. Somebody must have thrown it out. Inspired, I rush to the garbage and begin digging. Somewhere around halfway through, beneath somebody’s lunch and adjacent to what appeared to be animal fur of some kind, I find my prize.
My dirty mayonnaise.
Smug and not to be outfoxed, I retrieve it and spread what’s left of my warm mayonnaise, throw the rest back in the garbage, then eat my sandwich.
Wouldn’t you?
Clearly somebody stole my mayonnaise.
Since I know of no one debased enough to engage in mayonnaise thievery, and no one bold enough to attempt sneaking my mayonnaise past me, I stand perplexed. Then it hits me. Somebody must have thrown it out. Inspired, I rush to the garbage and begin digging. Somewhere around halfway through, beneath somebody’s lunch and adjacent to what appeared to be animal fur of some kind, I find my prize.
My dirty mayonnaise.
Smug and not to be outfoxed, I retrieve it and spread what’s left of my warm mayonnaise, throw the rest back in the garbage, then eat my sandwich.
Wouldn’t you?