personal dejavu
...utterly confused... 'm leaving my beloved city of amazing palaces/cathedrals, my terrifically fabulous place of medieval gothics......what's next, what's awaiting me over there......russia, cold, underdeveloped, endless space, kindest human creatures, gorgeous russian ladies.....will i make use of four diplomas of mine, has my struggle been worth of anything....don't know, no idea to say the least... 've lost vast part of my youth with my intensive studies here.... 've studied more or less honestly, taken it too seriously at times, under constant strain.....what for? just for abstract idea of decent learning...what for? for brightest/purest childhood ideals of never-ending self-perfection?...what for? to prove myself 'm able to academically compete with fellow czechs on equal footing?.....what for? to show my mum 'm last but definitely not least a child of the family...what for? i don't know, i don't know, i don't know