Gawd Dammit, Life's a bitch.
Damn, it's been a while. <.< I'm going crazy! <.< OMGWTFBBQ...
Anyways, first thing's first, the most recent annoying thing. Kayla starts to talk to me, and she starts saying I'm insulting her religion, but she can't give ANY FUCKING EXAMPLE OF ANYTHING I SAID. The only thing she COULD say, was that I was laughing. And she thought she was making PERFECT sense. She brought up the last two times I had hung out with her, and each time, she just said I said something insulting about Christianity. Apparently it's hurtful to laugh about stuff, and to say jokes, because I DO joke about all sorts of shit. But seriously, her boyfriend ALWAYS makes jokes about MY beliefs. Yet, I can't make ANY jokes about their religion without being 'hurtful'. "Your laugh was hurtful." Okay then, I'll stop laughing JUST so you can feel better about yourself. I'm not one to give into shit under any circumstances. Certainly not crap like this. I'll keep joking about Christianity, because NORMAL humans can LAUGH at it. MOST people I know laugh at my jokes about everything, because I don't mean to be insulting. The only two things I state about Christianity, are jokes, and the pure, simple, sometimes PAINFUL truth about the belief. At least I'm not like a lot of the non-christians I know. Some go right out and just bash it at every step and turn. I'm a fucking joker. I JOKE ABOUT STUFF ALL THE TIME! IF YOU TAKE IT SERIOUSLY, GET A FUCKING SENSE OF HUMOUR. I LAUGH AT PAGAN JOKES! THEY'RE FUCKING FUNNY! I KNOW SOME REALLY GOOD ONES TOO! SO IF I JOKE ABOUT YOUR RELIGION, EITHER LAUGH, OR JUST SIT TEHRE IF YOU DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD ONE! DON'T WHINE TO ME IF IT'S 'hurtful', it's a fucking joke, grow up you big baby, seriously. I was SO annoyed! It's so STUPID. Then she started going off on how I couldn't get it, etc. Well duh! You didn't give me anything to "GET IT" with. If I said something TRUELY mean, I'll recognize it if you show it to me. But when you just say "OMG IT HURT!", WHAT HURT?! Come ON! I can't figure out wtf I'm doing wrong if I have no clue. Then I say it, and she starts yelling at me to DROP it. Well fuck, YOU STARTED IT! If you can't finish something, DON'T start it, at all. If you can't take being shot down, DON'T BOTHER STARTING SOMETHING. Graaaaaaaah >.< It seriously started to piss me off, she ALWAYS blames ME for everything if I'm anywhere around. And I can't do ANYTHING without being insulting in some way, it's been like that for quite a while. It's so annoying... <.< Anyways... On to other things.
Well, if anyone's noticed, lately I've been a little down. Well, there are some reasons for it. First thing's first, life is getting to be a drag, depressed people EVERYWHERE, and shit's just falling through the cracks everywhere. I've been more bogged down for giving advice to people before. But that was when I was cold and strong, I'm not that person anymore, but I apparently still give great advice, so I'm giving it out all the time. I don't mind it at all, it's just, sometimes I want to do stuff to myself, so I set myself to away, but I still get IMs from people asking for help, so I'll talk to them, cause I can't stand to ignore them. It's just not my nature, y'know? But yea, it's getting really frustrating. Plus, my view on human beings and people overall just keeps going down, it's really frustrating...
Most people know how I'm usually hopeful and always attempt to be as helpful as I can, and optimistic about how life is and should turn out to everyone? Well, in all honesty, lately my view of life has gone RIGHT down the hole lately. I try to keep a neutral view of life, but it's really getting more and more difficult to do that... I feel as though I'm wasting my life no matter what the fuck I do. It's pathetic. I can work and work at learning new things about computers and anything else, but it doesn't help a whole lot... I train my body, and I feel better physically, but I still feel unsatisfied with my life. Even doing homework doesn't really help. Roleplaying used to work, but it doesn't work much anymore. Nor does anything else I've tried recently... Maybe it's because I have too many unfinished ideas and things I want to do, but I just drop them after a while... I should try going forward with one completely... But I always get caught up in stupid things like games... I should drop some of them probably, or at least take it down to only a couple days a week.
I'm at a serious loss. Maybe my problem lies somewhere deeper. I haven't had much time or anything to practice my own spiritual beliefs, but I really need to pick that up. And I have lost pretty much everything I used to practice. I've fallen behind on almost everything, even my computer knowledge for the last few months... I shouldn't have gotten back into Ragnarok Online. It's a fun game, but it's time consuming. I should probably restart my beliefs from scratch. Go back to the beginnings and basics, when I have the time. My beliefs have probably changed some... But I think I'm still Druidic/Green Wiccan. A combination of the two. Maybe less Wiccan, maybe less Druidic... I need to really search myself more again. I've lost touch with myself.
I'm going to try and find some other reasons for this flunk. It's begginning to bother me a lot... Funny thing is, I didn't notice it until a while ago, and I have been steadily dropping deeper... Hell, I've known SOMETHING to be wrong for even longer, I found out partially what it was... But not the CAUSE, not ANYTHING important about it... And I STILL don't know. I wrote out MOST of this in the beginning of MAY! I'm just taking what I wrote on paper, and slightly adapting it, most of it is still true, but there's more now. It's not just my outlook on life... Like I thought it was... But to hell if I can even fix my outlook on life! I'm STILL trying to do stuff about it.
Gawd, am I pathetic, I only post in this stupid thing with bullshit like this. Oh well, that's one of its main uses, and it works quite well, doesn't it Christi? ^^ Lol, I should post good news... I know, I'll end it on a happy note :P But for now, I'm continuing my rant. Then I'm gonna sleep and get ready for my Practical Final in Networking 20, woo CCNA BASICS 2.
As I said earlier, a lot of it probably comes from playing games way too fucking much. I waste so much time on games that I could be using to do important and interesting things that would further my knowledge. Hell, I love doing it. But lately, I've put too much of my time into games and MSN/AIM/etc. I should be doing more important things, like read my stupid ENGLISH book, which I haven't read ANY of. I should be doing NETWORKING and stuff too. Or even working with Linux to further my knowledge of stuff like that. Or even work on CHEMISTRY! Gawd, instead I'm being a stupid fucking slacker. I can't even look for a goddamn job properly, I'm pathetic. Look at me world, I'm wasting my life and I'm to o fucking lazy to do anything about it. I can't get the initiative to do ANYTHING. Maybe typing this out and shit will help, but I fucking doubt it. I'm so pathetic. It took me over a month to fucking write it out in my fucking journal, when I wanted to do it the day after I wrote it out on paper. Nooooo, I can't even do THAT PROPERLY. >.< Gawd... I'm pathetic. Is this my problem, being a pathetic bastard? Probably... *mutters*
I can't wait to get the posts saying "OMG, you're not pathetic!", or the ones that say "OMG, YES, you're a pathetic piece of shit, stop whining about it and live with it.". I'll bet you I'll get both! Woo!
The ONLY thing that I actually got done that I was planning to, and I didn't do a whole lot on that either. Razael, the book I'm writing/RP I'm making. I got the website up, or at least a bunch of it. It's at http://sarlock.spymac.com/ The top ads are annoying, but it's good enough for now in my opinion. And I got a bit more writing done on the book, so wow, I did SOMETHING useful at least. I'm shocked. But I should have done a LOT more with the time I've had. I can't stand working on it in Windows. I hate notepad now, I've fallen in love with gedit. It's an AWESOME basic text editor. It works very nicely, and has never failed me, so now I can't stand doing work in Windows, which I go on because I'm addicted to RO. Fuck, I need to get back to Gentoo... Or even Mandrake, as pathetic as that sounds. :\ I should probably ask for some help with the website from Gillian or Sarah. Probably Gillian, Sarah's not on enough to do a lot, or so I think, cause she's not on AIM or MSN a lot. Gillian could probably help a lot with the Forum theme, I'll probably work on other things with it... If I can even keep up with the website/RP anymore after this. Explanation on this later.
Oh gawd... This next thing is REALLY something I need to do. I _NEED_ to get my fucking drivers lisence >.< Gawd, I'm SO FUCKING LAZY, I don't even have my lisence. Probably one of the main reasons is that I can get around with my fucking bike anywhere I need to, but I won't even have that soon. I won't have a car either, but that's beside the point. Your lisence is only really useful in winter and when you have a car. I don't have a car, and it's not winter, but I should probably work on at least getting my lisence >.< Moose Jaw is tiny enough that you don't need one most of the time... It takes a half hour to bike across the city going slowly, so yea... But that's besides the point. I need my stupid lisence >.< Going anywhere else I'm going to need a fucking car, especially when I'm off to wherever for College/University/SIAST/whatever. I'm going to need a car soon, leaving Moose Jaw will be a bitch without one... I really should get my lisence... Driving with my father isn't so bad, except when he starts to bitch about everything all the fucking time. It's so fucking annoying... I'll probably ask to go out with mother or grandfather, and get my lisence soon as I can. *growls* I'm sick of his bitching about stupid bullshit, especially since he seems to think that any time you disagree with him it's a personal attack on him or something fucking stupid. Just yesterday he threatened to, as I quote "drop you", just because I wasn't agreeing with him. *rolls his eyes*. He yells at me, I get pissed off, yell and scream and shit at him, y'know? I'm sick of him, so I'm going to be a bastard until he fucking gets it. Not that I'll have a lot of a chance for that... More on that later.
Chantal's really depressed lately, and I've fought with her over stupid things a lot lately... Apparently right now she has trouble believing in love, for good reasons... But still, it's not fun seeing her like this, and it bugs me, especially since I can't do anything about it. It's fucking annoying... >.< *sigh* Poor Chantal, I won't say what's going on, cause that's hers to tell, but it's not fun for her. *hugs her*
Okay, as a few people already know, my father is apparently kicking me out of the house when School ends this year. Meaning either saturday, or whenever we get our final report cards. So pretty fucking soon, I'm out of the house, and on my ass. Which is ANOTHER reason I'm pretty down lately, YES! Which is the explanation for why I'll PROBABLY not be able to be a bastard to my father for much longer. I only hope I can make his life a living hell until I'm out. Plus, I'm not going to have a moniter, keyboard, or mouse for my sexy computer, OR the internet, because I won't be at home, and likely won't be able to afford it for a while. I'll be running on an 8 mb Vid card though, which is going to suck major ass, but I can deal if I can get a moniter, keyboard, and mouse... Wait, I DO have a mouse... Now I just need a keyboard. 'eh, I paid for this keyboard I'm using... It should be mine <.< Mwaha. Now I just need my moniter... FUCK. Oh well, we'll see what I can do for one of those. Gawd, this isn't going to be fun... Oh well. *mutters*
Now, for a non happy, non angsty note. Every night that I'm up late, there's a weird cat that stares in at me, and watches me until I notice it. Then, when I notice it, it'll watch me until I move my hand... I think it's an abused cat or something, cause it fears the movement of your hand. Not fun, poor cat. Maybe it's just a stray though. Who knows... *shrugs* I'd take it in if it's a stray, but I don't know, and my father's allergic. >.<
And for the ONE AND ONLY HAPPY NOTE! I'm engaged to a certain someone. ;) So that's happy, and good. Love ya babeh. I'm not gonna say a lot on this, in case she reads it and her parents are looking over her shoulder. (They don't know!) XD Anyways, yea, that's my happy note.
And now that it's 1:30, and I have to be up at 7:00, I'm going to bed. Good night all. Sleep well, y'know the drill. Thanks for reading my bitching.
- Christopher Overs
- Christophski the 83rd
- Sarlock
- Kestrel
- Reanos
- Etc.
Anyways, first thing's first, the most recent annoying thing. Kayla starts to talk to me, and she starts saying I'm insulting her religion, but she can't give ANY FUCKING EXAMPLE OF ANYTHING I SAID. The only thing she COULD say, was that I was laughing. And she thought she was making PERFECT sense. She brought up the last two times I had hung out with her, and each time, she just said I said something insulting about Christianity. Apparently it's hurtful to laugh about stuff, and to say jokes, because I DO joke about all sorts of shit. But seriously, her boyfriend ALWAYS makes jokes about MY beliefs. Yet, I can't make ANY jokes about their religion without being 'hurtful'. "Your laugh was hurtful." Okay then, I'll stop laughing JUST so you can feel better about yourself. I'm not one to give into shit under any circumstances. Certainly not crap like this. I'll keep joking about Christianity, because NORMAL humans can LAUGH at it. MOST people I know laugh at my jokes about everything, because I don't mean to be insulting. The only two things I state about Christianity, are jokes, and the pure, simple, sometimes PAINFUL truth about the belief. At least I'm not like a lot of the non-christians I know. Some go right out and just bash it at every step and turn. I'm a fucking joker. I JOKE ABOUT STUFF ALL THE TIME! IF YOU TAKE IT SERIOUSLY, GET A FUCKING SENSE OF HUMOUR. I LAUGH AT PAGAN JOKES! THEY'RE FUCKING FUNNY! I KNOW SOME REALLY GOOD ONES TOO! SO IF I JOKE ABOUT YOUR RELIGION, EITHER LAUGH, OR JUST SIT TEHRE IF YOU DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD ONE! DON'T WHINE TO ME IF IT'S 'hurtful', it's a fucking joke, grow up you big baby, seriously. I was SO annoyed! It's so STUPID. Then she started going off on how I couldn't get it, etc. Well duh! You didn't give me anything to "GET IT" with. If I said something TRUELY mean, I'll recognize it if you show it to me. But when you just say "OMG IT HURT!", WHAT HURT?! Come ON! I can't figure out wtf I'm doing wrong if I have no clue. Then I say it, and she starts yelling at me to DROP it. Well fuck, YOU STARTED IT! If you can't finish something, DON'T start it, at all. If you can't take being shot down, DON'T BOTHER STARTING SOMETHING. Graaaaaaaah >.< It seriously started to piss me off, she ALWAYS blames ME for everything if I'm anywhere around. And I can't do ANYTHING without being insulting in some way, it's been like that for quite a while. It's so annoying... <.< Anyways... On to other things.
Well, if anyone's noticed, lately I've been a little down. Well, there are some reasons for it. First thing's first, life is getting to be a drag, depressed people EVERYWHERE, and shit's just falling through the cracks everywhere. I've been more bogged down for giving advice to people before. But that was when I was cold and strong, I'm not that person anymore, but I apparently still give great advice, so I'm giving it out all the time. I don't mind it at all, it's just, sometimes I want to do stuff to myself, so I set myself to away, but I still get IMs from people asking for help, so I'll talk to them, cause I can't stand to ignore them. It's just not my nature, y'know? But yea, it's getting really frustrating. Plus, my view on human beings and people overall just keeps going down, it's really frustrating...
Most people know how I'm usually hopeful and always attempt to be as helpful as I can, and optimistic about how life is and should turn out to everyone? Well, in all honesty, lately my view of life has gone RIGHT down the hole lately. I try to keep a neutral view of life, but it's really getting more and more difficult to do that... I feel as though I'm wasting my life no matter what the fuck I do. It's pathetic. I can work and work at learning new things about computers and anything else, but it doesn't help a whole lot... I train my body, and I feel better physically, but I still feel unsatisfied with my life. Even doing homework doesn't really help. Roleplaying used to work, but it doesn't work much anymore. Nor does anything else I've tried recently... Maybe it's because I have too many unfinished ideas and things I want to do, but I just drop them after a while... I should try going forward with one completely... But I always get caught up in stupid things like games... I should drop some of them probably, or at least take it down to only a couple days a week.
I'm at a serious loss. Maybe my problem lies somewhere deeper. I haven't had much time or anything to practice my own spiritual beliefs, but I really need to pick that up. And I have lost pretty much everything I used to practice. I've fallen behind on almost everything, even my computer knowledge for the last few months... I shouldn't have gotten back into Ragnarok Online. It's a fun game, but it's time consuming. I should probably restart my beliefs from scratch. Go back to the beginnings and basics, when I have the time. My beliefs have probably changed some... But I think I'm still Druidic/Green Wiccan. A combination of the two. Maybe less Wiccan, maybe less Druidic... I need to really search myself more again. I've lost touch with myself.
I'm going to try and find some other reasons for this flunk. It's begginning to bother me a lot... Funny thing is, I didn't notice it until a while ago, and I have been steadily dropping deeper... Hell, I've known SOMETHING to be wrong for even longer, I found out partially what it was... But not the CAUSE, not ANYTHING important about it... And I STILL don't know. I wrote out MOST of this in the beginning of MAY! I'm just taking what I wrote on paper, and slightly adapting it, most of it is still true, but there's more now. It's not just my outlook on life... Like I thought it was... But to hell if I can even fix my outlook on life! I'm STILL trying to do stuff about it.
Gawd, am I pathetic, I only post in this stupid thing with bullshit like this. Oh well, that's one of its main uses, and it works quite well, doesn't it Christi? ^^ Lol, I should post good news... I know, I'll end it on a happy note :P But for now, I'm continuing my rant. Then I'm gonna sleep and get ready for my Practical Final in Networking 20, woo CCNA BASICS 2.
As I said earlier, a lot of it probably comes from playing games way too fucking much. I waste so much time on games that I could be using to do important and interesting things that would further my knowledge. Hell, I love doing it. But lately, I've put too much of my time into games and MSN/AIM/etc. I should be doing more important things, like read my stupid ENGLISH book, which I haven't read ANY of. I should be doing NETWORKING and stuff too. Or even working with Linux to further my knowledge of stuff like that. Or even work on CHEMISTRY! Gawd, instead I'm being a stupid fucking slacker. I can't even look for a goddamn job properly, I'm pathetic. Look at me world, I'm wasting my life and I'm to o fucking lazy to do anything about it. I can't get the initiative to do ANYTHING. Maybe typing this out and shit will help, but I fucking doubt it. I'm so pathetic. It took me over a month to fucking write it out in my fucking journal, when I wanted to do it the day after I wrote it out on paper. Nooooo, I can't even do THAT PROPERLY. >.< Gawd... I'm pathetic. Is this my problem, being a pathetic bastard? Probably... *mutters*
I can't wait to get the posts saying "OMG, you're not pathetic!", or the ones that say "OMG, YES, you're a pathetic piece of shit, stop whining about it and live with it.". I'll bet you I'll get both! Woo!
The ONLY thing that I actually got done that I was planning to, and I didn't do a whole lot on that either. Razael, the book I'm writing/RP I'm making. I got the website up, or at least a bunch of it. It's at http://sarlock.spymac.com/ The top ads are annoying, but it's good enough for now in my opinion. And I got a bit more writing done on the book, so wow, I did SOMETHING useful at least. I'm shocked. But I should have done a LOT more with the time I've had. I can't stand working on it in Windows. I hate notepad now, I've fallen in love with gedit. It's an AWESOME basic text editor. It works very nicely, and has never failed me, so now I can't stand doing work in Windows, which I go on because I'm addicted to RO. Fuck, I need to get back to Gentoo... Or even Mandrake, as pathetic as that sounds. :\ I should probably ask for some help with the website from Gillian or Sarah. Probably Gillian, Sarah's not on enough to do a lot, or so I think, cause she's not on AIM or MSN a lot. Gillian could probably help a lot with the Forum theme, I'll probably work on other things with it... If I can even keep up with the website/RP anymore after this. Explanation on this later.
Oh gawd... This next thing is REALLY something I need to do. I _NEED_ to get my fucking drivers lisence >.< Gawd, I'm SO FUCKING LAZY, I don't even have my lisence. Probably one of the main reasons is that I can get around with my fucking bike anywhere I need to, but I won't even have that soon. I won't have a car either, but that's beside the point. Your lisence is only really useful in winter and when you have a car. I don't have a car, and it's not winter, but I should probably work on at least getting my lisence >.< Moose Jaw is tiny enough that you don't need one most of the time... It takes a half hour to bike across the city going slowly, so yea... But that's besides the point. I need my stupid lisence >.< Going anywhere else I'm going to need a fucking car, especially when I'm off to wherever for College/University/SIAST/whatever. I'm going to need a car soon, leaving Moose Jaw will be a bitch without one... I really should get my lisence... Driving with my father isn't so bad, except when he starts to bitch about everything all the fucking time. It's so fucking annoying... I'll probably ask to go out with mother or grandfather, and get my lisence soon as I can. *growls* I'm sick of his bitching about stupid bullshit, especially since he seems to think that any time you disagree with him it's a personal attack on him or something fucking stupid. Just yesterday he threatened to, as I quote "drop you", just because I wasn't agreeing with him. *rolls his eyes*. He yells at me, I get pissed off, yell and scream and shit at him, y'know? I'm sick of him, so I'm going to be a bastard until he fucking gets it. Not that I'll have a lot of a chance for that... More on that later.
Chantal's really depressed lately, and I've fought with her over stupid things a lot lately... Apparently right now she has trouble believing in love, for good reasons... But still, it's not fun seeing her like this, and it bugs me, especially since I can't do anything about it. It's fucking annoying... >.< *sigh* Poor Chantal, I won't say what's going on, cause that's hers to tell, but it's not fun for her. *hugs her*
Okay, as a few people already know, my father is apparently kicking me out of the house when School ends this year. Meaning either saturday, or whenever we get our final report cards. So pretty fucking soon, I'm out of the house, and on my ass. Which is ANOTHER reason I'm pretty down lately, YES! Which is the explanation for why I'll PROBABLY not be able to be a bastard to my father for much longer. I only hope I can make his life a living hell until I'm out. Plus, I'm not going to have a moniter, keyboard, or mouse for my sexy computer, OR the internet, because I won't be at home, and likely won't be able to afford it for a while. I'll be running on an 8 mb Vid card though, which is going to suck major ass, but I can deal if I can get a moniter, keyboard, and mouse... Wait, I DO have a mouse... Now I just need a keyboard. 'eh, I paid for this keyboard I'm using... It should be mine <.< Mwaha. Now I just need my moniter... FUCK. Oh well, we'll see what I can do for one of those. Gawd, this isn't going to be fun... Oh well. *mutters*
Now, for a non happy, non angsty note. Every night that I'm up late, there's a weird cat that stares in at me, and watches me until I notice it. Then, when I notice it, it'll watch me until I move my hand... I think it's an abused cat or something, cause it fears the movement of your hand. Not fun, poor cat. Maybe it's just a stray though. Who knows... *shrugs* I'd take it in if it's a stray, but I don't know, and my father's allergic. >.<
And for the ONE AND ONLY HAPPY NOTE! I'm engaged to a certain someone. ;) So that's happy, and good. Love ya babeh. I'm not gonna say a lot on this, in case she reads it and her parents are looking over her shoulder. (They don't know!) XD Anyways, yea, that's my happy note.
And now that it's 1:30, and I have to be up at 7:00, I'm going to bed. Good night all. Sleep well, y'know the drill. Thanks for reading my bitching.
- Christopher Overs
- Christophski the 83rd
- Sarlock
- Kestrel
- Reanos
- Etc.