[RP] We're not questioning God, just those he chose to carry on His cross.

Apr 21, 2009 23:41

[[OOC: Backdated to right after the Silent Hall thread, circa two months ago.]]

Sark wouldn't admit it to anyone, but April's journal entry announcing the return of one Jack Harkness or John Thane or whoever the hell he was today set him so far on edge that it took every iota of control that he had within him to keep from turning into something and ( Read more... )

rp: suzie costello, verse: beyond the rift, what: rp

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superiorspectre April 22 2009, 09:46:49 UTC
Suzie doesn't pull away at the touch -- That's one thing Thane was good for, whispers a vicious little part of her mind, and she ignores it.

Thane was both an end in himself and the means to an entirely different end, but he would never have been the one to do so much for her if it hadn't been for Jack's guidance.

He couldn't fix her, she knows, only break her in a slightly different way, but it's more progress than she ever could have made on her own. It's a place to start from.

And it's what allows her to lean into Sark's embrace, to curl her fingers in his shirtfront and cry into his shoulder in a display that, for once, is completely uncalculated. It's enough that he's solid and real and human (we are two humans, and I am holding you), that he's that rarest of all creatures, an honest friend... Insomuch as either of them can be considered honest.

The sobs die down after a while, and there's just silence and breath and her face against a damp spot on his shirt.

If there's any further meaning to be ascribed to this tableau, Suzie's unaware and uncaring.

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sarkraticmethod April 22 2009, 10:03:38 UTC
Sark swallows hard and goes tense just briefly when she starts to cry into his shirt, but he relaxes, figuring this is about all he can do at the moment. He rests his cheek against her hair, his expression unreadable, trying to press as much contact as he possibly can in the hopes that it might make some bit of difference. One of his hands moves away from her back to thread itself in her hair and it seems almost too personal, too much, but he doesn't pull it away.

Sark's not Jack nor Thane, in the long run. He's not enough of a sadist to take pleasure in breaking someone and probably only barely capable of doing it properly and he can't even fix himself, least of all another person. God, it took a great force of will to even convince himself to reach out to another person in a meaningful way like he's doing now.

But he is solid and he is human, as much as he seems to fail at normal human emotional responses, and this much he can do. It's not complicated or difficult now that he's in the moment- it's just holding her and letting her cry and not thinking about how strange it is that he keeps letting this woman in past barriers and walls that only April ever really managed to tear down before.

When the sobs die down, he doesn't say anything for a moment, as if expecting her to break the silence first, but when she doesn't, all he can think to say with a noise that's neither a sob nor a small, pained laugh, but some bastardized combination of both, "I wish I could honestly promise you that it will get better, but that's something I doubt I could convincingly lie about."

Cynical, yes. Gallows humor, of course. But God knows he wouldn't want optimism in a time like this.

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superiorspectre April 29 2009, 05:19:14 UTC
"It's all right." Suzie shifts slightly, not completely pulling away, just enough that her face isn't pressed into his shirt anymore. "If you did say that, I might have to kill you in your sleep, and then I'd never hear the end of it from Ianto after he had to clean it up."

Gallows humour? Oh yes. They know all about that in Torchwood.

A moment later, she says, very, very softly, "Thank you."

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sarkraticmethod April 29 2009, 05:38:33 UTC
Sark makes a soft heh sound. Threats to kill him in his sleep... He's heard those before and from people who probably weren't kidding. Before, an overly cocksure attitude dictated that he not react, because he'd love to see them try. Now, well, it's Suzie. She's a friend.

Novel concept, that. For all that he seems so resistant to change, there's so much that has.

He sighs, shifting his head just a bit, but not enough that he's stopped resting his head on hers. It's comfortable. "I can't say I'm really that much good at this, but... You're welcome."

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superiorspectre April 29 2009, 05:57:38 UTC
"You're still here," she says. "It's more than I've come to expect from most people."

...That means you did well, Sark. And holding her while she cried was more than she'd expected from anyone, though she's not sure she can put that into words. It's there by implication. That'll have to do.

It occurs to her that she should have serious issues with the fact that she's vulnerable and scantily-clad, but the robe's comfortable, and Sark is comfortable, and she doesn't have the energy required to care about anything further.

Besides, friendship is a novel concept for her, as well. She didn't have friends in Torchwood; she had people she got along reasonably well with, people she was wary of, and Tosh, who she hid herself from.

Here... things are different, and the idea that people care about her is still somewhat unnerving. The idea that she can lean against a friend like this and not have him try to take advantage is even more so, but not in any unpleasant sense.

Besides, she very much doubts that she's anyone's idea of attractive right now, between the dark circles under her eyes, the bruises, and fact that she's covered in gauze.

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sarkraticmethod April 29 2009, 06:25:28 UTC
Sark bites his lip. He's probably gotten way more comfortable with this situation than he has any right to be, but... Well, where compassion and mercy and friendship were novel concepts and where lust was more common than love, this always appealed to him. More than the sex (of course, he enjoyed it and learned to from a questionably young age), but a lack of tenderness leaves the body craving it even when everything else is cold and unfeeling.

There's a reason why a hardass like Sark could spend long hours just cuddling with someone if they'd take him up on the offer. There's nothing sexual about it, even if it often goes hand in hand with sex. It's just... Being close. Before he came here, it was the one bit of weakness he felt capable of indulging and given that it came on the tail end of the perverse sexual acts he tended to engage in, it almost never seemed like it acted in contradiction to what he was.

This... This is a bit different, but the whole bloody universe is different.

"I don't have to go..." For what feels like the first time, he's afraid to overstep somewhere. A year ago, he would have been bold, daring, attempting to kiss her and risk her reaction. Now that idea just makes him sick, especially since he doesn't want that... Well, he'd be lying if he said he didn't completely want that, but that's not important and it never has been. Sometimes he really just misses sleeping next to someone.

"I mean," he doubles back on his words, "If you'd prefer I'd stay..."

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superiorspectre April 29 2009, 06:39:05 UTC
That gets Suzie to pull away enough to meet his eyes, one eyebrow raised. The benignly skeptical expression doesn't quite mask the wary look in her eyes.

"And just what are you offering?" Her voice is still soft, and the wording itself isn't quite what it might be if she didn't have some small confidence in the fact that this wasn't a proposition. Offering, not proposing. She's very carefully not implying anything, but she's been paranoid for far too long to tell him he can stay without knowing exactly what she's getting into.

The temptation to switch back into shadow-sight is almost overwhelming, but she decides against it. She's seen enough for one day, for one lifetime, and she's far too tired to go prying any deeper than she has to.

Besides, under other, better circumstances, if he'd offered more than company, she might have considered it, though right now she knows quite well she's in no condition to make decisions one way or the other.

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sarkraticmethod April 29 2009, 07:18:58 UTC
Sark swallows. Right. He had a feeling that might be construed as something... Not wholly innocent. He doesn't blame Suzie for that, of course. He's not exactly anyone's idea of a cuddlebuddy.

He stumbles over the way to start this, because it's not something he's ever had to ask for in so many words before. "That is to say, if you'd rather not sleep alone... Well. I have no problem with staying here for the night."

He carefully puts emphasis on sleeping. Not sex. Just sleeping together. Spooning, as the kids call it. Comfort in closeness. She looks like she could use it and he enjoys that sort of thing. It's good for both of them.

Hell, there's a mild insinuation that if she wants him to stay, but doesn't feel comfortable with him in the same bed with her, he'll even sleep on the floor.

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superiorspectre April 29 2009, 07:38:33 UTC
And now it's Suzie's turn to bite her lip as she considers the matter. Part of her's still screaming that he's not safe, that no one's safe, but it's not quite as loud as it used to be.

And he asked. Didn't try anything when she was clinging desperately. Just asked.

"I haven't had a good night's sleep in... a long time," she admits. "The company can't be worse than staring at the ceiling for hours and then getting up to make coffee, anyway." She shrugs a little.

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sarkraticmethod April 29 2009, 07:47:02 UTC
A smile tugs at the corner of his lips, but then vanishes just as quickly. "What a coincidence. Neither have I."

He scoots to the edge of the bed and kicks off his shoes before throwing his jacket off, but everything else remains in place. He gives Suzie a look over his shoulder. "If you'd prefer that my company slept on the floor, that can be arranged."

It's half joking and half serious. It never hurts to make sure she's aware of her choices and he'd rather not presume to curl up on her bed, unless he's absolutely certain that she wants him there. Sometimes there's a time for being subtle and sometimes it's better if things are spelled out clearly with boundaries set.

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superiorspectre April 29 2009, 08:12:52 UTC
"I don't mind sharing the bed," Suzie says, "as long as you're aware that I am a paranoid bitch." Her lips curve in something that might be a smile were it slightly less cynical. "If I didn't trust you to some extent, you wouldn't be here, but if I'm ever under the impression you're trying anything you shouldn't... You get one warning. Then we see which of us is faster when I try to break your wrist." Or knee him where it hurts. She'll take whatever opportunity presents itself.

Her tone of voice suggests she doesn't think she'll need to follow through, but her eyes are flat enough that it's obvious she means it.

"Try not to take that personally, but I needed to make sure we were clear on that." She shrugs, and it's more than half apology. "If that's a problem, I'm more than happy to give you all the floor-space you like."

She does want him on the bed, but she's been too wary of men for too long to let him assume anything.

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sarkraticmethod April 29 2009, 08:27:52 UTC
Sark just stares back at her with whatever passes for an honest expression with someone like him. Despite all the choir boy good looks, he doesn't really have a face that inspires much trust. He doesn't have much about him, in general, that inspires much trust. He understands this and doesn't get offended by the concept.

He waits until she's completely finished, and then shrugs. "It's not a problem at all. Justifiable paranoia aside, I wouldn't dream of taking advantage of your hospitality, but you're perfectly in your right to assume that I might." He smirks a bit and it's equally cynical, but there's clear evidence of no harm, no foul in the expression, despite that. "And, as far as taking it personally, Suzie, I've heard far worse from people less considerate of my feelings."

He throws his legs onto the bed and promptly curls up, his physical indication that the conversation is over, he's sleeping on the bed, and she can come over and curl up next to him, if she'd like to now.

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superiorspectre April 29 2009, 08:45:55 UTC
She smiles at that, just a little. "Then just give me a moment to slip into something a little less potentially awkward." The last thing either of them needs is for her robe to come undone in the middle of the night and the awkward misunderstandings that would result.

The robe might be comfortable, and she was in no condition to go digging for something more concealing at the time, but now...

She rummages through her things and pulls out a t-shirt. It's several sizes too large for her, and secondhand, but that only serves to make it both comfortable and reasonably modest as sleepwear. And since Sark doesn't appear to be looking, she has no problem with slipping out of the robe and pulling the t-shirt over her head.

She pads barefoot to the light switch, and turns to look at him. "You know, it's generally more comfortable, when it comes to sleeping, if you're underneath the covers. Unless you're just going to ludicrous lengths to protect my nonexistent honor..." She makes a valiant attempt at a smirk. "Just a thought."

And then she kills the lights and crawls under the covers, herself.

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sarkraticmethod April 29 2009, 08:57:46 UTC
Sark snickers, his eyes half-closed, and moves enough to actually get underneath the covers before she climbs into bed, figuring her snaking in the face of adversity and the events of this night don't require return snark, and, honestly, he can't think of anything better to say right now. He hesitates for a moment as soon as they're both in place, and then dares to scoot close enough so that they're touching and nothing more than that. Reassuring contact- he's missed that so much. Hell, of the women he's been involved with here, he can't even remember this happening with anyone else, despite the sex. (Snuggling with Calisto? Perish the thought. And with Indigo, he'd been far too withdrawn to make the attempt.)

It's nice, really, and he can only hope that it helps Suzie through whatever it is she's going through right now. Where words fail.. Simple physical contact helps.

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superiorspectre April 29 2009, 09:16:33 UTC
Suzie freezes for a moment, then relaxes, as she reminds herself of the fact that this is Sark and he is... About as safe as is possible for him to get.

After a moment, she makes a little 'hmph' noise and turns, wrapping an arm around his waist and pressing a bit closer. It's partly a desire for contact, for comfort, and partly the fact that, with more contact comes more chance to read his movements, his breath, his heartbeat... It makes him slightly more predictable.

In a lot of ways, cuddling close is less nerve-wracking than feeling him so close but just barely touching him.

And perhaps the whiskey isn't quite done with her yet, because she finds herself murmuring, "Don't misunderstand. You're not by any means unattractive. I just can't think of a worse possible time to even theoretically consider anything more than..." she yawns, "...this. And it's nice, just having a friend here..."

And between the alcohol and pervasive exhaustion, she only barely gets that last word out before she shifts again, snuggling against him, and falls quite soundly asleep.

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sarkraticmethod April 29 2009, 18:53:03 UTC
Sark doesn't tense when she wraps her arms around his waist, just leans a little closer into it, wrapping an arm around her in kind. His hands keep finding their way to her hair for some reason.

He tries not to laugh at her murmuring, but there's a small hitch in his breath that suggests a mostly suppressed chuckle. "Go to sleep, Suzie," he says, very gently. He'd rather not be the one who let her ramble while sleep-deprieved and slightly drunk- he'd like this situation to not be awkward in the morning, thank you.

That said, he closes his eyes, wiggles just a bit to get into a more comfortable position, and his breathing relaxes into that casual state of almost-sleep. Not quite sleep, yet, but getting there. If anything, the whiskey certainly made him feel like sleeping for the first time in ages. Suzie being here helps as well.

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